“I only meant that when I have a headache, sometimes I’m more comfortable propped on the couch so I’m not lying flat. However, it does bring up a point that I hadn’t considered. I assumed that we’d continue to…” She swallowed, suddenly feeling vulnerable and extremely unsure of herself. “That is, I just thought we’d continue to sleep together. I have no idea if that’s something you want.”
Devon stalked over, bent down and placed his hands on either sides of her legs so that he was on eye level with her.
“You’ll be in my bed every night. Whether we’re having sex or not, you’ll be next to me, in my arms.”
“Well, okay then,” she murmured.
He rose and took a step back. “Now, if you’re more comfortable on the couch, change into my shirt and I’ll get you pillows and a blanket for the couch.”
She nodded and sat there watching him as he walked away. She glanced around the room—to all her stuff placed haphazardly here and there—and sighed. When she got rid of this headache, she’d whip the apartment into shape. She’d been away from the shelter more days than she’d ever been away before but the animals were in good hands and they’d be fine while she got the rest of her life in order.
Devon would no doubt be back to work in the morning, which meant she’d have plenty of time alone to figure out things. She wrinkled her nose. Being alone sucked. She was always surrounded by people. In her family she didn’t have to look far if she wanted company. There was always someone to hang out with. And aside from her family, her circle of friends was always available even if for a gab session.
But what was she supposed to talk to them about now? How wonderful her marriage was? Her husband? The aborted honeymoon?
Her head was too fuzzy to even contemplate the intricacies of her relationships right this second. She reached for the T-shirt, shed her own clothes and crawled into Devon’s shirt.
She started to leave her clothes just where they’d dropped on the floor, but she stopped to pick them up and then deposited them into the laundry basket in the bathroom. It was technically Devon’s basket and he might not want her mixing her clothes with his, but she didn’t have a designated place of her own yet. One more thing for the to-do list.
She trudged out to the living room to see that Devon had arranged several pillows and put out a blanket for her. As she started across the floor, Devon appeared from the kitchen. She crawled onto the couch and burrowed into all of the pillows while Devon pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. Then he perched on the edge close to her head.
“Are you feeling any better yet?”
She nodded. “Head doesn’t hurt as bad. A few more hours and it should be fine. Just fuzzy from all the medication. I’ve never had to take three in a row like that.”
He frowned as if he realized the significance of her having the worst headache of her life after their confrontation.
“Rest for a few hours then. I’ll check on you in a bit and see if you’re up for some dinner. I thought we’d eat in, of course. I can order anything you like or if you prefer, I can make something here.”
She nodded.
“I have some calls to make. I’ll let your family know we’re back and why. You just concentrate on feeling better.”
Her eyes widened in alarm. “What are you going to tell them?”
He frowned again. “I’m only going to tell them that you came down with a severe headache and that we thought you’d feel better if you were back in your own home.”
She sagged in relief and the knot in her stomach loosened. “They’ll want to come right over, or at least Mom will. Tell her not to bother, please. Let her know I’ll call her soon.”
“Of course. Now get some rest. I’ll sort out dinner later.”
He kissed her forehead, pulled the covers up to her chin and then quietly walked away, flipping off all the lights. She heard the door to his office close and she lay there alone in the darkness.
It wasn’t anything she hadn’t experienced before. In the evenings when Dev got home from work, he often sequestered himself in his office for a time while she watched TV or ordered in their dinner. But she hadn’t felt so alone then. Because she’d known he was just in the next room and that in theory she could walk in there at any time. Only now it was as if a gulf had opened between them and he may as well be on the other side of the moon. She didn’t feel as though she had the right to interrupt him.
She lay there as the haze slowly began to wear off. She braced herself for the inevitable onslaught of pain, but there was only a dull ache that signaled the aftereffects of a much worse headache than she’d experienced in at least two years.
For that matter, she hadn’t been forced to take the pain medication prescribed for her headaches in months. Emotional stress, the doctor had said, was a trigger for her. The last time she’d battled frequent headaches had been when her mom and dad had briefly separated and she’d feared an eventual divorce.
It was the very last thing she or any of their family had ever imagined because it was so obvious her parents loved each other. The separation hadn’t lasted long. Whatever their issues had been, they’d worked through them quickly and her dad had moved back into the apartment with her mom and they’d gone back to being the loving couple that Ashley had always witnessed.
But for the entire period of their separation, Ashley had been deeply unhappy and stressed and she’d battled headaches on a weekly basis. The doctor had counseled her on coming up with more effective ways to manage stress but Ashley had laughed. Now she realized she was as guilty as Devon had accused her of being when it came to wearing her feelings on her shoulder. She absorbed too much of the world around her and it affected her. That wasn’t something she could change, could she?
She sighed. If she had any hope of not spending the next year in bed knocked out on medication, she was going to have to harden herself. She couldn’t go around being a veritable sponge and reacting so emotionally to everything.
Her husband didn’t love her? So what. She’d have to find a way to be happy. As Grammy always said, you make your nest now lie in it. Well, Ashley had certainly made the biggest, messiest nest of a marriage and now it was hers to wallow in.
As the medication wore off, she found it impossible to sleep. Her mind was buzzing with a mental list of everything she needed to do. Or not do. The list of things not to do was every bit as long as the list of things that needed to be done.
