She smiled and leaned in closer to him. His eyes glittered in the firelight. They stroked her as surely as if he did so with his hands. Her lips parted with a breathy sigh. “Kiss me,” she whispered.
He made a sound of torture and splayed his hand over her cheek, cupping it and guiding her to his lips. Once, twice, at first light flitting kisses. Then the third time, he took full possession of her mouth.
Barely an inch between them, he whispered, his breath blowing over her chin. “There is so much I want for us, India. I never imagined finding someone like you. Someone who understands me and accepts me for who I am.”
“I want too,” she said in a low voice, making herself return his gaze.
But what I want, I can’t have. At least not in a way where we would both be happy.
He pulled her down with him and settled his back against the log. He opened his arm for her to nestle in the crook of his shoulder. She went willingly, loving the closeness. She nestled her head on his broad chest, inhaling his masculine scent. For a moment, she closed her eyes and just breathed. She wanted to commit this night to memory. And the last night. She would keep them with her always.
She gazed upward, awed by the brilliant display of stars. They seemed brighter here. She had never truly enjoyed the night until now.
“You are right, you know,” she murmured.
He turned his head toward her. “And what am I right about?”
“The night. Itisbeautiful.”
He squeezed her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. “You had good reason to fear the dark.”
“Yes, I did, but I think I spent too long allowing my demons to win. I should have confronted them long before you made me see they could no longer hurt me.”
He turned her face to him. “I’m glad you no longer hurt so much, India. The idea of what you went through, well, it makes me feel things I’ve never been prone to feeling.”
She arched an eyebrow and chuckled. “Oh do tell, and what are these feelings I inspire?”
He grimaced. “I can honestly say that since meeting you, I have become well acquainted with rage, helplessness, fear, and longing,” he finished softly.
“And Lucinda?” she asked lightly. “She never inspired these emotions?”
“I think loathing and humiliation are the only two I can honestly say she inspired. I won’t lie to you, I fancied myself in love with her, but when she jilted me, I didn’t feel the loss. I didn’t mourn. I was angry and embarrassed, but more at how she made me look than the idea that I had lost my fiancée.”
India smiled and touched his cheek with her hand. “You’ve inspired your share of emotions in me as well.”
His eyes darkened, the glow of the fire making him seem almost dangerous in his desire. “I do hope love is one of those.”
Pain pricked her heart, spreading, growing until her throat was on fire. Oh yes, she loved him. She nodded, unable to speak. She looked away for a moment, her temples aching. Her soul aching. She knew deep down that they couldn’t be together, but what if...what if she could somehow make him want justherand not a life ofadventurewith her.
“Tell me,” she began. “Have you ever thought about what your life would be like after marrying?”
The corner of his mouth lifted wryly. “I am ashamed to say that I was willing to sacrifice everything I had been working for when I decided to marry Lucinda. I was prepared to be dutiful, not anger my father, marry the perfect woman, breed heirs and rusticate at my country estate.”
He shifted beside her and she laid her head on his chest once more, not wanting him to see the pain she knew was evident on her face. How could she possibly hide such agony? She knew what he was going to say.
“The first thing I vowed when the mess with Lucinda was over, was that I would never betray myself that way again.To thine own self be true. A timeless saying wouldn’t you say?”
She nodded against him, a sob caught in her throat.
“That’s why I’m so glad I found you, India,” he said softly. “You are the one person I know who would never ask me to live a life contrary to my desires. I admire you, you know. For years you led your own life, went your own way, and never bowed to the dictates of others.”
But it wasn’t my own life, she wanted to scream. It was her father’s life. She had no choice after her mother died. She loved her father dearly, but she would have given anything for him to grow weary of his way of life and return them to England where he could retire and lead a normal life.
Silence fell and Ridge stroked his hand up and down her arm as she laid still on his chest. She felt his chest rise as if he was going to speak and then he exhaled slowly. His heart beat a bit more fiercely, and she wondered what he was struggling to say.
“Who were the others?” he finally asked, his voice casual. But she could feel the tension emanating from him. He sounded so unsure.
“I don’t understand,” she said, her brow crinkling as she tried to make sense of his question.
