Saying her innermost fears, letting them out, made her feel small and very afraid. Shouldn’t admitting them, giving voice to them free her?
He looked at her long and hard. “Do you feel safe with Ridge?”
She wrinkled her brow, confused by his question.
“Well, do you?”
She nodded. “From the beginning.”
He harrumphed and drew his lips to a fine line. “Then what are you doing here? Why didn’t you go with him?”
She looked down again, a tear splashing onto her arm. “He wants to be like you, Papa. He wants a life filled with adventure. He’s longed for it since he was a child. And I don’t want that.”
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into the crook of his arm. “Let me ask you something. Have you ever really considered what life with Ridge would be like? Would traveling with him be so bad? Is it the idea of adventure with him or adventure in general that is abhorrent?”
She opened her mouth and closed it just as quickly. In truth she had never considered how travelingwithRidge would be.
“I hardly think Ridge is the type to leave England never to return, girl. He has responsibilities, duties, things I imagine he takes seriously. Would traveling be so bad if you had a home to return to?”
A home. With Ridge. She closed her eyes.
“You can’t tell me you’ll be happier here with me,” her father continued. “The look on your face is truth enough. Ridge hasn’t betrayed you.Ihave.”
“But Papa, I would never see you again,” she whispered painfully.
He framed her face in his hands. “You’ll always see me here, girl.” He moved one of his hands to cover her heart. “I’ll never leave there. You can’t live your life for me. I let you do it too long as it is. It is something I will regret for the rest of my life. But I won’t let you do it now.”
“Well, I must say I’m surprised at your decision, India,” Robby said.
She glanced up to see him standing beside the bench she and her father sat on.
“They have departed?” she asked fearfully.
He nodded, sadness lingering in his expression.
She hung her head. Ridge was gone. Tears ran fast tracks down her cheeks.
“He loves you,” Robby said.
She glanced back up to see Robby shove his hands in his pockets and look out over the lake.
“Damn it, India, I never took you for a coward,” Robby continued. “I always admired your courage. But now...now I don’t know what to think. You betrayed him once, but this time, this time you’ve destroyed him.”
She stood up, anger rushing out at his words. “Ifreedhim. I knew I would only prevent him from following his dreams.”
“And what if his dream was you?” Robby asked. “Yes, he wanted a life of adventure, but he wanted those things because he wasn’t happy or fulfilled. But you completed him, made him happy. I daresay he wouldn’t care if he never saw Africa or India if you were by his side, in his bed every night.”
She stared in shock at Robby. Had she oversimplified things? Had she underestimated Ridge’s love for her? She had focused solely on herself and the ramifications a life with Ridge would have for her, and justified her reasoning by allowing that Ridge was better off without her. But what if he wasn’t?
God, she was little more than a selfish lout.
She had allowed her fears to rule her for so long, her desires to dictate her actions that she hadn’t stopped to think of the life she was throwing away in the process.
Would she honestly ever be unhappy with Ridge no matter where they lived or where they traveled? Had she ever really examined the depth of her feelings for him?
No, no and no.
Panic such as she had never felt welled up in her throat and swelled so that she was sure she would explode in a thousand different directions.
