She closed her eyes and pulled the covers to her chin. What would happen . . . What if she just let it happen? What if she stopped fighting the inevitable and embraced it instead?
Her stomach twisted. Part in anticipation, excitement, and the other part in nervous fear.
It wasn’t as if they hadn’t already had sex. One afternoon of playful teasing and conversation had led to a night she’d never forget.
There were so many what-ifs. What if she hadn’t tucked tail and run? Would they have spent the last year together, laughing and loving, or would they even now be hopelessly separated, having ruined their friendship with a premature sexual relationship?
And then, in one of those stunning moments of clarity, which she might have already had if she hadn’t spent the last several days in a drug-induced fog, she realized that all her angsting was a moot point.
It didn’t matter one iota what she thought might or might not happen if they started down the path the guys were nudging her onto. They had already trucked down the street, run the stop sign and reached the fork in the road.
The question was, what was she going to do about it? Continue as before and lose not only their friendship but any hope ofmore?
She shook her head. When had she decided she wanted more?
Crazy. You’re crazy.
Her head was spinning, and she was growing more agitated by the minute. She closed her eyes and sucked in deep, steadying breaths.
For now, she wasn’t going anywhere. Not when some lunatic seemed determined to go after everyone she loved most. Whatever happened in the meantime . . . well, it happened, and she wasn’t going to fight it. Nor was she going to be a passive participant. It just wasn’t her style.
Her pulse ratcheted up about ten notches. Or thirty.
She craved them. It went beyond a need for sex. She’d gotten that after that night a year ago. Her chest tightened and squeezed uncomfortably as she remembered how awful she’d felt after her one-night stand with a man she couldn’t even remember with any accuracy.
What she wanted, what she needed, was their touch. Their friendship.
Their love.
Which meant she had to be willing to give it in return.
And hadn’t she always? Loved them? Wasn’t it there, hadn’t it always been there? She’d just never sat down and analyzed her feelings. As if. Because who admitted she loved three different men? What normal person contemplated such a thing?
“I feel like there should be smoke pouring from your ears,” Cam said.
Her head came up. Cam was standing in front of her with two mugs. He was staring intently at her, a clear question on his face.
Instead of responding to the unspoken question, she simply reached up to retrieve one of the mugs. Cam shoved the pillow over and settled down beside her. He reached over and turned the lamp on, bathing the area in low light.
Suddenly she had no desire for the cocoa. Her skin prickled with the urge to feel him against her. To make the connection she now realized she wanted more than anything.
“What’ll it be? A documentary on the rain forests or the mating habits of the chimpanzee?” he asked in a teasing voice.
No way she was going to watch a bunch of monkeys screw.
She turned her head so she could look at him. “Can we just leave it off? I kinda like the idea of sitting here with you without the noise in the background.”
He stared back at her, and she felt warmed to her toes by those eyes. They reminded her a lot of the sweet chocolate he’d handed her.
“We can do that. It’s been a while since we got some time to catch up.”
She smiled and refused to feel guilty over the fact that they hadn’t caught up because she’d been too busy running in the other direction. That was all going to stop. Right now.
She brought her other hand up to the mug and cupped it to her lips, blowing on the liquid before allowing it to seep into her mouth. Mmmm. Double sugar, just the way she liked it.
She licked over her upper lip as she pulled the cup away, and she felt Cam still staring at her. She cocked her head to the side and glanced over.
“You’re not drinking your chocolate.”
