“You want to date?” she asked skeptically.
“I want us to see each other,” he corrected. “I’d rather not live apart while we’re doing it, but if you need time and space, I’ll give it to you. But I want to see you, which means coming over, going out to dinner, you coming here so I can cook dinner for you like tonight. I’d like to go to your first obstetrician appointment and be included in your prenatal care. I want to talk about baby names and pick out baby furniture and clothing.”
Her expression softened and his pulse sped up. She was caving. He could see it. But it was a hollow victory at best because he still didn’t have what he most wanted. Her back in his life, his house, his bed. But he had to believe that in time those things would come. The alternative didn’t bear thinking about.
“I’ll consider everything you’ve said,” Chessy finally said. “I should be going now. Kylie and Jensen are going to be worried. They didn’t want me to come alone.”
Tate’s expression darkened. “Do they think I’m some ogre who’s going to abuse you?”
“No,” Chessy said softly. “But they’re afraid you’ll hurt me. Emotionally. And I’m not in a good place right now. As I said before the whole reason I went to the doctor was to ask for medication for anxiety and depression. Instead I found out I’m pregnant. I’m scared. More scared than I’ve ever been in my life. This isn’t easy for me, Tate. I’m not used to questioning my every decision, but I’ve continued to make bad ones. I can’t afford to do that now that I have a child to consider.”
Tate closed his eyes, the ache in his heart making his chest hurt. “I wish you wouldn’t go. I’d like you to stay so we can talk. About the baby. Our future.”
“It hasn’t been decided yet if we have a future,” she pointed out. “I’m open to seeing you. On my terms, not yours. But ultimately the decision resides with me and I expect you to respect that.”
He bit his tongue against the urge to argue. To try and wear her down. Only her complete look of fragility and fatigue halted him. The last thing she needed was more stress piled on top of her.
Patience. This was going to require patience, a trait he was very unfamiliar with. He’d never had to wait on anything in his life. When he’d met Chessy, he’d immediately known she was the one, and he’d pursued her and won her in short order.
And now he’d lost her.
“WhencanI see you then?” he asked bluntly.
“I’ll call you,” she said.
He made a sound of impatience. If he waited for her to call he may well wait forever.
“Iwillcall you, Tate,” she said quietly. “I just need a few days. I have a lot of thinking to do. Perhaps we can get together this weekend.”
It took everything he had to sit there and agree when his gut was screaming at him to argue, to chip away at the wall between them until she gave in. But he didn’t want a reluctant victory. He wanted it all. Chessy. Their baby. Her heart, soul and body. And he wanted it given freely. Not because he’d forced her into a corner.
“I’ll wait for your call then,” he finally conceded. “But promise me if anything crops up, if there are any problems with your pregnancy, that you’ll let me know so I can be there.”
“I have no intention of keeping anything from you, Tate.”
She rose from the couch and he caught her hand, reluctant for her to leave just yet.
“Do you have to go now?”
She nodded. “I don’t want Kylie and Jensen or Joss and Dash to worry. They’ve worried enough about me lately.”
“I’ve worried about my girl too,” Tate said in a low voice.
Hurt immediately echoed in her eyes at the endearment. He hadn’t meant to land a blow. It just slipped out, a natural pet name he’d always used for her.
“Tell me something, Tate,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “Do you missme? Or do you miss the convenience of having me around. Would any woman do in my stead? Do you just not like being alone?”
He sucked in his breath at the hollow pain he felt in every word she uttered. It hurt him that she could possibly even think such a thing.
“No other woman could ever fill your shoes, baby. Of course I miss you. And I damn sure don’t like being alone but it’s because I’m not with you. Given a choice between being alone or being with someone other than you, then I’d choose to be alone.”
He knew he scored points with his answer because for the first time, uncertainty flickered in her eyes. As if she were truly second-guessing her decision to remain apart from him. He could only hope that she changed her mind in short order because every day without her was a day in hell.
TWENTY-SEVEN
THEnext morning Chessy was sitting in the living room, newspaper in hand turned to the business section while contemplating the evening before with Tate when Joss and Kylie both burst through the front door.
“Did you see the …?”
