Isaac cursed at the sudden change.
“You can’t shield me from everything,” Jenna said softly.
“The hell I can’t!” he bellowed.
A look of defiance sparked in her eyes. “Whatever it is can’t hurt me. We’re here and they’re somewhere else. Watching something on a television can’t hurt anyone. Only people can hurt people and they have to be captured in order to be hurt. I get that I’m dumb and ignorant and hopelessly naïve, but how can I ever expect to learn the things I need to know if you are all determined to keep me locked away where I don’t see anything disturbing? I need to know what’s going on. The only time I’m afraid is when I don’t know what’s happening,” she said in a pleading voice.
“You arenotdumb and ignorant and you arenotnaïve, and I won’t put up with you constantly putting yourself down or convincing yourself that you’re less than everyone else. That you’re nobody and nobody cares for you,” he said fiercely.
“Damn it, Jenna, you’ve been isolated from the world since you were four years old. No one would expect you to learn everything in a few days, which is why we’re protecting you and helping you gain the knowledge you need, but you have to be willing to let us do our job and listen when we tell you what you need to do in order to be able to protect yourself as well.”
“We have a few minutes,” Shadow said calmly. “There’s a commercial break right now and when the newscast returns they’re going with the lead story.” He leveled his stare at Jenna, giving her a chin lift in respect. “It’s your decision. Just make it quick.”
Even though he knew Shadow was right and that Isaac couldn’t continue to treat her like she would fall apart at any sign of adversity, it still pissed him off that he couldn’t shield her from pain and anguish, and he knew it showed in his expression and tense body language.
Jenna’s expression became troubled and she frowned. Her lips trembled and it was obvious she was fighting back tears.Fuck. He hadn’t meant to upset her or hurt her feelings, but he was at a complete loss as to how to convince her that she was far from nothing. That she was important, and that she waseverythingto him. She was the reason he breathed, that he got up in the morning and for the first time since she’d stolen his heart and made it her own forever, didn’t simply go through the motions of the day. Instead he savored every single moment with her, allowing himself something he’d never dreamed of being capable of having. Hope. Excitement for the future. Spending the rest of his life killing himself just so she’d keep smiling and be happy. For too long his life had been consumed by shadows and darkness, concealed places he didn’t dare delve into for fear of unleashing painful memories and allowing all the mistakes he’d made to pour out. Because once he did, there was no going back. He would have had to walk away from everything he knew and the people who’d embraced him as family because he wouldn’t have been able to look them in the eye and pretend that everything was all right. Perfect. Just another day like all the others.
It had taken him months to quit the bottle and sober up and then another year to work his body back into shape, eat the right foods or even eat at all. That had enabled him to do his job because he had become very adept at being aloof and unaffected, concealing his emotions and keeping any telling information from his face. But however good he’d gotten at fooling not just others but himself as well when he was on the job, the nights were an altogether different matter.
It was then, in unguarded, vulnerable moments, that the nightmares crept in, searching for the slightest crack in the barriers of his mind so they could pour insidiously into his dreams, smug and victorious, always making him feel like a shell of a person. A fraud, because he spent his days pretending and his nights reliving events that had broken him in a way that had taken him a very long time to recover from. And he still hadn’t managed to piece himself back together completely. He knew because he still had nightmares that jerked him up in bed, sweat soaking his skin from head to toe and his heart pounding so furiously that at times he feared he was having a heart attack. They just weren’t as frequent as they had been.
And yet with one touch, Jenna had healed not only the gaping wound in his chest that would have killed him in minutes, maybe seconds, but she had also done the impossible by filling his heart and soul with so much light, sunshine and sweetness that for a moment, he truly thought hehaddied and gone to heaven. Despite his past sins.
But most of all she’d given him a reprieve from years of constantly staggering beneath the unbearable weight of grief, blame and guilt that was never forgotten or forgiven. He hadn’tallowedhimself to be free, hadn’t tried to forget or forgive because it was his penance, one he deserved. And in the place of all the pain and remorse he’d lived with for so long, Jenna had gifted him the most precious thing he’d ever been given, second only to her love, trust and her innocence. Absolution. Freedom from a lifetime of self-condemnation and self-hatred.
Somehow she’d removed every single one of the ugly, dark voids that he’d buried so deep in an effort to hide them from even himself so he could pretend they weren’t there until they came roaring to the surface with a vengeance. She filled them with an angelic light so bright it could never be covered or disguised. It was simply so large a part of her that it spilled from her, encompassing and overtaking everything she focused her gift on. Natural and effervescent, just like her sparkling eyes and long blond hair that slid down her back in a mass of unruly curls. She’d done the impossible, sealing his gaping wounds on the inside so they would never be raw, painful or exposed again in a single moment of weakness and vulnerability.
She’d given him a miracle he was too ashamed to ask or pray for. Something he was desperate for, if only for a moment, even when he knew he didn’t deserve it.
Peace.
The kind of peace that couldn’t be wiped away in a moment of guilt when his past came back to haunt him. It was a permanent part of him now, every bit as much as she was a permanent part—the very best part—of everything he was. Even now he ached just remembering the beauty of that moment. As soon as she’d touched him there was no separation. Their hearts and souls had recognized one another and in that brief second when time seemed to stop, they’d been truly connected in a way Isaac had never been connected to another human being. Heart, soul and mind, closer than any two people could ever possibly be. He didn’t believe for a moment that any other two people were capable of sharing something as inexplicable as the kind of bond that had instantly and irrevocably formed between him and Jenna.
And because she’d healed more than just the physical wounds he’d incurred and brought light back into a world that had been dark to him for so long, he hadn’t had a single nightmare since finding her and bringing her home to him, knowing—and fully admitting to himself—that no other woman would ever own every single piece of his heart and soul like she did—and always would. If he ever lost her—fuck, it hurt to even entertain that thought—he’d never look at another woman again. She was his. Every inch of her body was his, and though she may have thought he was teasing, he’d been completely serious. He’d tie her to his bed in a heartbeat if he ever thought she’d try to leave him again.
Shadow cleared his throat in a not very subtle way and sent Isaac a pointed glare. “Daydream later when your attention isn’t needed on the very serious matter we have on our hands.”
Isaac glanced at Jenna, seeing trepidation in her eyes, but most pronounced was the set of her jaw, how her lips were pressed together and the determined way she stared back at him unflinchingly.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I don’t like this, baby. I swore on my life to love and protect you always, to never let evil touch you and to bust my ass every single day to make you happy. Whatever the fuck is about to come on the news completely negates every one of those promises because if it wasn’t bad, and if it wasn’t going to upset you, then Shadow wouldn’t have indicated that you shouldn’t be present.”
She scowled in response. “Oh, let’s see. Not letting me decide for myself whether I want to watch a news program isnotgoing to make me happy. Me being here surrounded by men who make professional wrestlers look like wimps more than covers my safety and protection. And unless you plan to tell me you don’t love me anymore because I didn’t act like a good little girl and meekly walk into the other room, I fail to see how any of your promises are at risk unless you decide to go through with the first and fourth items on my list.”
“Now you’re just pissing me off,” Isaac said in a near bellow. “Of course I love you, damn it. And of course you’re safe here.”
She lifted one eyebrow as she waited for him to address the first issue.
Dane strode into the kitchen. “We’re out of time, so do what you’re going to do but make it fast,” he snapped.
Jenna narrowed her eyes as she marched past Isaac as if daring him to stop her. And he was tempted. He was so tempted to make good on his threat to tie her to his bed. It would certainly make keeping the rest of his promises a hell of a lot easier. His lips curled upward into a snarl, baring his teeth when Jenna followed Shadow into the living room and took a seat on the floor next to him, the two sitting cross-legged directly in front of the TV.
“What do you think it is?” she asked Shadow nervously. “What did they say before the break?” She struggled a moment, her lips pursed in concentration, clearly puzzled. “Commercial break. That’s what you called it, wasn’t it? What is that?”
Oh hell no. If she needed information, reassurance, someone to hold her if the newscast upset or frightened her, it sure as fuck wasn’t going to be Shadow. Isaac moved pointedly between Jenna and Shadow, wedging his large body into the small space, unapologetically bumping into Shadow until Shadow gave him a disgusted look and moved over several inches.
“Let’s just see what the news anchor says,” Shadow said soothingly. “I’ll explain a commercial break to you later.”
Dane held up his hand for silence as the news anchor sat at her desk with a screen to the right of her shoulder showing images of flashing lights, dozens of ambulances, police vehicles and fire trucks.
