“Princess, please. Let me explain,” he begged. “Things were heating up and there was so much danger to you—to all of us—and all I wanted was for you to be safe and happy. To have the kind of life you should, and not one where everything is so fucked up with me. That’s why I sent you away and made you believe that I no longer wanted you. And oh God, that killed me, baby. That’s the only lie I’ve told. When I told you we were over and pretended you weren’t someone I wanted to be with when you are the only person in the world I want to spend my life with.”
“You are such a hypocrite,” she seethed, effectively cutting off his impassioned plea. “Do you remember when your brother bled all over me? When he and I were both shot? I tried to leave you. Because I only wanted you safe. I never wanted to be a liability to you or a way for your enemies to get to you. But you wouldn’t let me. You made me stay and you made me love you and then you made the unilateral decision to push me away. No one made that for you. You could have been honest with me and told me what was going on. Did that ever occur to you? That I have a mind and a brain of my own and that I should have been allowed to decide for myself whether I wanted to accept the risk of being with you?”
Silas’s mouth fell open, wincing at the unvarnished truth. Every single word she spoke was a truth arrow that struck with pinpoint accuracy.
She shook her head, plunging ahead before he could summon something—anything—to say that would change her mind.
“You think I’m weak and helpless. That I can’t so much as take a piss without you telling me how and when. Here’s some information for you,Silas. I’m not weak. I’m not a brainless twit. Giving you my love and my submission was mychoice. I can live just fine without it, and quite frankly I’ve lived this far without a man controlling every minute of my day. I gave that to you because I wanted to and because it made you happy, and making you happy mademehappy. But I don’tneedit and I don’t needyou.”
He sat motionless, bleeding on the inside as he stared at the determined set of her face, read the truth in her eyes. There was no going back. He’d pushed too far this time, and he’d lost the one thing in his life he’d ever truly cared about.
“Please leave,” she whispered. “I hurt enough, Silas. Please, just leave me alone. Is that too much to ask of you?”
Slowly he shook his head and stumbled to his feet. “No, princess. It’s not too much to ask. I just want you to be happy and safe. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. If you want me to leave, I’ll go. I...”
He choked back the words of love that threatened to strangle him. They were of no use to him now, and what did he know about love in the first place? With one last, long look at the woman who held his entire heart and soul in her hands, he turned and walked away, shuddering with every step.
It wasn’t until the door softly closed behind him that Hayley fell apart, burying her bruised and battered face in her hands as sobs painfully racked her thin frame.
“Honey, you’re breaking my heart,” Maddox said nearby, as his arms suddenly went around her. “Cry all you want to. I know it hurts.”
She buried her face in his shoulder as her entire body shook with pain that wasn’t just physical.
38
“I’ve been over every single file that Ghost brought us from the Vanuccis,” Justice said. “Reports from Hatcher, a list of all the dirty cops on Vanucci’s payroll and a list of hits. The good news is it’s all accounted for, which means no mole in our organization. Bad news is I still have no fucking clue how they knew about Gia.”
Silas frowned. “And Hayley?”
“They must have tagged her early on, man. Sorry,” Justice said with a wince. “You know how careful we all were about being seen with her, the hoops we went through each time we went out to ensure we didn’t have a tail. Never taking her to any of our regular places. You keeping her in the apartment most of the time. Maybe it was dumb luck on their part. It may have just been a case of them being in the right place at the right time.”
“Hatcher overheard a phone call.” Thane’s gruff voice came from the doorway.
Silas and Justice both turned to see Thane push off the frame where he’d been leaning, the five-o’clock shadow looking more like a five-day growth, pronounced fatigue and stress evident in the deep grooves of his face.
“I was talking to Gia here when no one was supposed to be around. When Hatcher showed up unexpectedly, I promptly ended the call, but he must have been listening for a while before he made his presence known. It’s the only possible explanation.”
Justice swore and Silas’s scowl deepened. Fucking traitor had been the source of unending grief to them all.
“Hey, man,” Justice called softly to Thane. “What’s the latest on Gia?”
Thane slumped on the couch and put his face in his hands, rubbing wearily. “In and out of consciousness. Every time she wakens for any length of time, she has panic attacks so bad they have to sedate her again. No one has even been able to question her yet, so all they have to go on are the physical findings of the exam they did on her,” he said bitterly.
“Why don’t you let one of us stay with her tonight,” Justice offered. “You look beat. You need to get some rest. You can’t keep up this pace.”
Thane cast a meaningful look in Silas’s direction. “Don’t think I’m the one you need to be worrying about. How long’s it been since you got any sleep, Silas?”
Silas stiffened and rose from his seat. “Got shit to do,” he muttered, ignoring his brothers’ knowing looks.
As he walked away, he heard Thane mutter, “I think I’m going to pay someone a little visit.”
Silas walked mechanically to his car and drove to his apartment, thinking about a fifth of whiskey—or three. Then maybe he could forget his pain and the overwhelming sense of loss that accompanied his every waking hour. And perhaps for the first time since he’d pushed Hayley out of his life, he could actually sleep.
***
Hayley sat curled up in the comfortable chair in the hotel suite after downing one of the painkillers the doctor had left her, more for thepounding in her head than the pain in the rest of her body. The ache in her heart she didn’t even bother trying to fix. Some hurts you just didn’t get over and there was no medicine or quick fix. No magic cure-all, except time and distance. Yeah, well, both happened to suck.
For two days after Silas had walked out that final time, she’d been sequestered in this hotel room, grief and sorrow overwhelming her. She’d cried herself to sleep more times than not, and she moped around like someone who’d lost all hope. Her only visitors were Silas’s brothers, a steady rotation through her room, and after the first mention of Silas when she’d vehemently made it clear his name was not a welcome topic, no one else had brought him up.
