The rest of the night, what he’d told her weighed heavily on her mind as she battled indecision over an idea that had formed and taken root. She was awake when he first stirred, but she closed her eyes and adopted the peaceful look of sleep, not wanting him to know she’d lain awake in his arms agonizing over whether to act on her idea.
So much rode on her successfully pulling it off. This was one case where it would have been far better to have left things alone and not ever have attempted it than to go ahead with it and have it backfire in her face. She had so much to gain... andeverythingto lose.
She felt lips on her forehead and then her cheeks and finally her lips. She allowed her eyelashes to flutter open and smiled up at Silas.
“Good morning, princess.”
Instead of answering, she lifted the upper half of her body androtated over him, kissing him hotly as she pressed him back onto the pillows.
His eyes gleamed with amusement and a smile curved the hard features of his mouth.
“What’s this?” he murmured.
She put her hand on his chest to make known her desire for him to stay exactly where she positioned him.
“Just let me,” she whispered against his mouth as her tongue delved inward to explore every inch of his mouth.
“Never let it be said I denied my sweet girl anything. Especially when she says good morning like this.”
She continued her gentle exploration of his mouth and face, leaving no part of his skin untouched. Finally, she drew away, staring earnestly down at him as she gathered her courage for the risk she was about to take.
“Do you trust me, Silas?”
He frowned at that, obviously surprised by the question. “Of course I do, princess. Apart from my brothers, you are the only person in the world I trust without reservation.”
He seemed startled by his own admission and wonder crossed his face, almost as if he hadn’t considered the matter before and his answer had been automatic but now he realized it was true. A strong sense of satisfaction sizzled through her veins, but still, she had to make absolutely certain.
“No, Silas, I mean do youreallytrust me,” she said with complete seriousness.
His brow furrowed and he slid his hands over her hips and up her sides before pulling her down over him so their faces were mere inches apart.
“What’s wrong, Hayley? What has you so worried and uncertain? And the answer is yes. I trust you in a way I’ve never trusted another,including my brothers. How could I not when I told you my most shameful secrets, things I haven’t even shared with my brothers much less another living soul, and you never once judged me or condemned me? Hell, you wanted to go kick everyone’s asses, from my parents, to the degenerate child molester, to the cops who tossed me in juvie. You make me whole, my darling girl. You’ve given me something I’ve long lived without. Hope.”
Tears blurred her vision and her breath hiccupped from her mouth as her chest worked up and down with the effort of trying to calm her breathing. And her nerves.
“I need you to trust menow,” she said, touching her fingers to his cheekbone. “I lay awake all night thinking about what happened to you, and as a result of such terrible abuse you not being able to bear the thought of someone performing oral sex on you. And I understand. Believe me, I understand. I can’t imagine anyone in your situation who wouldn’t react in exactly the same manner.”
His expression was still puzzled as he stared at her, discomfort evident in his eyes.
“Just tell me what’s on your mind,” he said quietly.
She took a deep breath. “Your only experience with oral sex was abhorrent, humiliating and degrading. But no one has ever touched you that way with... love. All they’ve done is taken from you. Let me show you the difference, Silas. Let me show youmylove. Let me give that to you. If at any time you’re uncomfortable or if it brings back too many painful memories, I’ll stop immediately. I would never force you to do anything that caused you pain. But let me try. Let me show you the difference between someone who is only forcing and degrading you and someone who only wants toloveyou.”
He was silent for so long that she thought she’d made a huge mistake. His expression was brooding, his eyes distant and seemingly a million miles away. She averted her gaze, biting her lip to keep her tears at bay.
Silas cupped her chin in his large palm and rubbed his thumb over her cheek in the softest of caresses.
“Look at me, princess.”
Reluctantly she complied, and a burst of hope erupted from her heart when she saw the tenderness reflected in his eyes.
“I don’t even know what to say. No one has ever offered me such a selfless gift. No one has ever tried to make right the wrongs of the past. No one has ever cared enough. I’ll try, sweet girl. For you, I’ll try. But please know that if I can’t... if I can’t do it, it has nothing to do with you and it will not be a rejection of you. I don’t want to hurt you, my darling. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world and I don’t want you to be disappointed in me if I can’t go through with it.”
She flung her arms around his neck and held on for dear life. “Never,” she vowed. “This isn’t about me, Silas. It’s about you. Only you. My feelings have no place in this. And I will never be disappointed in you. It’s enough that you trust me enough to let me try this for you. I only want to make you happy and whole.”
He buried his face in her hair as he gripped her every bit as tightly as she held him.
“You already do, my beautiful girl. You already do.”
