“Silas,” she said softly. “Everyone is at the table and I don’t want the food to get cold.”
“Right,” he said, turning swiftly in the direction of the table.
Silas was quiet even for him throughout the meal, only half listening to the conversation around him. He was utterly conflicted about his feelings for Hayley, and his motivation for that matter. Logic and instinct guided his every thought and action, and yet his relationship with her defied both. Was this how Drake had felt about Evangeline? Was this why Drake had been a complete and utter wreck since the moment he met her? And why he’d made such a complete muck of things again and again?
He hadn’t questioned his reasons or even what he wanted shortorlong term when he’d responded so impulsively to Hayley. How was it fair to her that he didn’t even know where this thing between them was headed or how long it would last? He was in so far above his head that he was drowning, and it was a sensation completely unique to his adult life. It was a feeling of helplessness he hadn’t felt since he was a child living under the authority and control of abusive parents.
How long would she be content to give, for him to take, without receiving in equal measure? He dropped his utensils and slipped his hands to his lap, curling his fingers into tight fists so he didn’t betray the fact that they were trembling violently. He could feel the clammy sweat on his forehead and neck and prayed no one else took notice.
It took him a moment to realize he was exhibiting the initial signs of a panic attack, something else he hadn’t experienced since he was a child cowering in a hiding place hoping with all his might he wouldn’t be found that night.
And yet for all the guilt, and yes, uncertainty he felt about his selfishness when it came to Hayley, the mere thought ofnothaving her made the panic rise even more sharply. It was something that didn’t even bear thinking about.
Damned if he did and even more damned if he didn’t.
What a fucking situation to be in. Never in a million years had he ever even contemplated having this particular dilemma. A relationship was something he’d sworn he’d never involve himself in for hundreds of reasons. And yet he’d given not a single one of those hundreds of reasons the briefest consideration before plunging so recklessly headfirst into the one thing he would have laughed himself silly over the mere mention of just a few months ago.
At least now he could look back at Drake’s psychotic, uncharacteristic behavior over Evangeline with a more objective eye. He could even summon sympathy, where before his two primary judgments of Drake had been that the man was out of his fucking mind and that he’d acted reprehensibly and unforgivably toward Evangeline numerous times.
Silas blinked when he realized Maddox had been saying something to him. Apparently many times, judging by Hayley’s look of concern and his brothers’ frowns of reprimand.
“Earth to Silas. Anyone home?” Maddox asked in exasperation.
“What?” Silas asked irritably.
Maddox shook his head. “I was saying how delicious the dinner is that Hayley made for us. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Fuck. Not only had he tuned everyone out, completely lost in his own little world, but it appeared he hadn’t jumped in at the right moment to give Hayley the praise and appreciation she was due.
He gathered her hand in his and lifted it to his mouth to press a kiss to her silky soft skin.
“It was absolutely wonderful, princess. Best damn meal I ever ate.”
She flushed, but pleasure and happiness over his compliment glowed warmly in her eyes. His gut tightened. He’d do whatever it took for her to look at him like that every goddamn day.
“I was hoping there’d be leftovers,” Thane said morosely as he surveyed the empty platters. “I was already drooling over tomorrow’slunch. Sure beats the hell out of takeout or whatever the hell’s currently in my fridge.”
Hayley’s eyes sparkled with mischief and she donned an innocent smile. If she had any idea of its effect and that it would get her any damn thing she wanted, she would likely use it a lot more often.
“I may have just set aside enough for you to take home.”
Thane did a fist pump. “You’re my new favorite girl, Hayley. Your wish will forever be my command.”
“Back off,” Silas growled. “Any wish she needs fulfilled will not be by you.”
Maddox and Justice sent her an honest-to-goodness pout that had Silas staring at them both in disgust.
Hayley rolled her eyes and then laughed. “I made enough for all of you to bring home leftovers. Why do you think it took me twice as long to make dinner as it did the first time I cooked for y’all?”
At that Silas’s frown deepened. “You shouldn’t have been in the kitchen on your feet all afternoon. You’ve been working way too hard practicing for your recital.”
She heaved a sigh of exasperation. “You forget that not so long ago I was working two steady jobs and any other work I could pick up. Trust me. Standing in the kitchen for a few hours is a lot less taxing than being on my feet in a crowded bar serving drunk customers until two in the morning.”
Silas’s lips tightened at the reminder of just how hard she’d been forced to work.
“I’m glad you’re no longer working those ridiculous hours,” he said gruffly. “You were running yourself into the ground.”
“Yes, well, now I don’t have to, thanks to aclerical oversightbeing found and corrected,” she said with a perfectly straight face. But her eyes sparkled with amusement at the private joke they shared.
