“Goddamn it. She deserves so much better than I can ever give her,” he said hoarsely. He lifted tortured eyes to Maddox, the one person who knew bits and pieces of Silas’s past. A past Maddox was all too familiar with, given that he’d survived very similar circumstances. “You know why I can’t have her, Maddox. Do you seriously think she deserves a man like me? A man so fucked up that his issues have issues. I’ll never be right. For her. For anyone.”
“What I think is that it’s time to cut yourself a little slack,” Maddox said with quiet understanding. “Why not let Hayley decide what she deserves? Lay it out for her. Something tells me you’ll be surprised. She’s not a coward and she’s fiercely protective of the people she loves. Something tells me that she loves you. Or that she’s falling pretty damn hard and fast. But she’s so convinced that you don’t want her that she’s made herself fucking miserable. She doesn’t feelworthyof you, Silas. Think about that for a minute while you’re torturing yourself thinking you aren’t worthy of her. She thinksshe’snot good enough foryou.”
Silas’s mouth dropped open in absolute shock. “Not worthy? Not good enough for me? What the fuck?”
“Hell of a note when you consider the absurdity of any woman ever thinking she’s not good enough for men like you and me,” Maddox said with a bitter smile.
Silas stared into Maddox’s eyes and saw the same pain Silas experienced in the deepest part of his withered and blackened soul. Pain they both lived with on a daily basis, always swearing to outrun their past. To overcome, rise above it, leave it behind. And yet it was always there. Hanging over them, coating everything in dull, gray shadows.
Silas closed his eyes and swore. What if he couldneverbe good enough for Hayley? Wasn’t it far better to never go down that path with her than to risk it and suffer the horrific pain of having her leave once she figured out what kind of monster she gave her body to every night? How was it fair to her for him to offer false promises, promises he had no idea if he could keep even if he desperately wanted to?
“Don’t fuck it up like Drake almost did,” Maddox whispered in a harsh tone. “You saw what he did to Evangeline. Youhatedit.Ihated it. Don’t hurt Hayley the way Drake hurt Evangeline or you’ll hate yourself for the rest of your fucking life.”
20
Hayley stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel on top of her long hair so it was out of her way. She was too tired and melancholy to worry over brushing out her hair right away. She’d pay for it later when it frizzed everywhere on her, but who did she have to impress anyway?
She pulled on a simple pair of really short gym shorts and a T-shirt, not worrying about a bra even though she was healed enough now to wear one without discomfort. True, she’d never venture out of her apartment with her boobs on full display like this, but again, who was going to see her? Besides, she didn’t have the mental or physical energy to put effort into tamping down the tatas. She hated being busty and had searched high and low for a minimizing bra that actually did what it advertised and got the damn things under control. It didn’t always make for a comfortable back, but it was better than bouncing and jiggling around every time she took even a small step.
When she heard the main entrance buzzer sound through the intercom of her apartment, she cursed. Who the hell would be ringing her? Had one of the guys forgotten something? Surely it wouldn’t be Silas. She looked at the black-and-white monitor showing the view from the camera at the front entrance to the building and could makeout a man but not his face. It must be one of the guys after all. She pressed the button on the security panel that unlocked the front entrance door and let him inside. She frowned as she yanked on her robe, suddenly regretting her decision to let it all hang out today. After making sure her robe was tied firmly closed, she headed for the door and reached it just as someone knocked. Instead of opening it immediately, she decided to be careful and got up on tiptoe to look through the peephole first.
Her mouth fell open in shock just as rage blew through her blood veins like a blowtorch. Forgoing any and all caution, she yanked the door open to face the slimy maggot who’d fleeced her father for thousands of dollars and then smugly refused to pay out the death benefit, citing an obscure clause in such tiny print that one needed a magnifying glass to read it.
“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked in an icy tone she didn’t even recognize. “And how did you know where to find me, for that matter? Do us both a favor and crawl back under your rock and stay there until someone comes along to step on you.”
It was then, through the red haze surrounding her vision, that she finally registered the insurance salesman’s haggard appearance. She cocked an eyebrow and sent him a mocking smile.
“Looks like someone already stepped on you. More than once, I’d say.”
It was a vast understatement to say the very least. His face was bruised. His nose looked like it had been flattened and his lips were split and dried blood crusted the corners. He stood there stiff as a board, his hand holding out an envelope. He was shaking so hard that the paper flapped in his hand. She could swear she heard his knees knocking together.
“Miss Winthrop,” he stammered out. “I had to come in person. It was the only fair and reasonable thing to do. I owe you an explanationand an apology. Due to a clerical oversight, you were denied your father’s benefits assured to him by his life insurance policy. I am here to correct that matter as well as issue you my most sincere apology for your grief, upset and inconvenience. I included an amount for your pain and suffering as well as any funeral expenses you incurred as well as a more than fair interest rate on the bulk of the benefit for the time it remained unpaid to you.”
“What?” Hayley croaked.
She stared at the envelope like it was a nasty bug about to jump on her. The salesman extended it forcefully, all but shoving it into her hand. Sweat beaded his entire forehead and she could smell his body odor from where she stood several feet apart from him. She could swear he was utterly terrified of her. What did he expect her to do? Jump on him and kick his ass? He outweighed her by at least a hundred and fifty pounds, not in muscle weight either.
He carried all his excess weight in his gut. If he went down and landed on her, she was toast. But the idea of her kicking his slimy ass did hold great appeal. Unfortunately, fantasy would have to suffice, since she had little to no chance of taking him down. There was always a good kick in the balls...
She fixed him with the force of her glare as she began to open the envelope, warning him with a look that he better not be jacking her around. Because if he was, she’d forget about those hundred and fifty pounds, and she’d be on his ass. She might not come out the victor, but she would definitely add to that already impressive set of bruises he sported.
She dropped her gaze only long enough to look at the check she pulled from the envelope. Her eyes widened as she took in the number of zeroes in the check. She lifted her stunned gaze back to the still-heavily-perspiring salesman.
“As I said, I included above and beyond the actual benefit for yourinconvenience and your pain and suffering as well as suitable interest for the time we held the amount from you,” he stuttered out.
He was to the point of wheezing and she couldn’t summon a single word to say to him.Thank you? Ha!Go to hellsounded better. She supposed she should be grateful that he did correct the error as soon as it was discovered, but she had a hard time believing his sudden about-face.
“What happened to you?” she demanded bluntly.
“I, uh, well, I was mugged when I got to the city,” he said, backing up a few more feet.
Hayley didn’t think it was possible for the man to look any more terrified than he was, but she was wrong. Hell, he looked very close to passing out at her door. Then what was she supposed to do with him?
And then it hit her. Sudden realization as she put the pieces together. The night she was attacked. Her pouring out the entire story, not only of her father giving her the violin, but also of how he was cheated by the insurance salesman. The probing questions Silas had asked so nonchalantly and then his sudden departure on a “business” trip.
She nearly laughed out loud. No wonder the man looked like he was about to piss himself. She didn’t even want to know how scary Silas looked when he persuaded the man of his “clerical error.”
“That’s what happens when you fuck people over on a regular basis,” she said softly, menace and not an ounce of regret in her voice. “Maybe you’ll remember your, uh,muggingthe next time you even think about conning another person.”
