"But you are right, I have been avoiding you." I push off the railing, moving closer. "Because you've been following me around all summer like a lost puppy. Staring at me. Finding excuses to talk to me. It makes me… It makes me feel uncomfortable.”
"I wasn't?—"
"You were. And I've been trying to spare you this conversation, trying to let you down easy by just keeping my distance. But apparently you need me to spell it out."
I'm close enough now to see her mascara starting to run, to see the way her hands are shaking.
"There can’t be anything between us, Princess. You're a kid with a crush and I'm..." I stop, force the words out. "I'm not interested. Do you understand?"
She nods. Once. Quick. Her throat working like she's trying not to sob.
"Good." I step back, putting distance between us before I do something unforgivable. "I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, but… Now go inside. Forget this conversation ever happened."
That last part lands. I see it in her eyes, the way something in her breaks completely.
She turns fast, nearly running to the door.
I watch her go, watch her disappear inside, hear the door slam.
Then I'm alone.
I stand there with my hands shaking, my heart racing, every word I just said echoing in my head.
Pathetic. Embarrassing. Not interested.
All lies.
Every single word.
The truth is I want her so badly I can barely function. Want her in ways that would make Matteo put a bullet in my head. Want her underneath me and on top of me and in every position I can imagine.
The truth is I've been half in love with her since she was eighteen and looked at me like she was really seeing me for the first time.
The truth is the age gap doesn't matter as much as it should. That Matteo's trust doesn't matter as much as it should. That nothing matters as much as it should when I look at her.
And that's exactly why I had to break her heart.
Because I'm thirty-one years old. Because I'm a killer with blood on my hands and bodies in my wake. Because I'm Matteo's best friend and she's his baby sister and there's no world where this doesn't end in disaster.
Because she deserves someone good. Someone clean. Someone who doesn't spend his nights cataloguing the way she moves and memorizing the sound of her voice and imagining things that would make him a monster.
Someone who isn't me.
I did the right thing.
I saved her from myself.
I just wish it didn't feel like I ripped my own heart out.
CHAPTER SIX
The memory fades and I'm back at the window, still watching her sit on that same porch.
Present day. Present fucking day and nothing's resolved. She's still out of reach. Still Matteo's sister. Still too good for someone like me.
And I'm still a coward.
The door opens behind me but I don't turn around.
