I’m not heartbroken, by the way.
She links her hand in mine. As we drive away from the airport, Phuket starts to reveal itself. The lush green hills in the distance,standing tall against the bright blue sky, the small markets at the sides of the road and locals on scooters weaving through the traffic. I get my breath back.
6.
Aanchal Madan
‘Look at you,’ remarks Vanita, swirling her straw in her coconut, roving her eyes over me and the bikini I had been waiting to wear.
‘I’m assuming that’s a compliment,’ I say.
Vanita can rock anything she wears, and if she’s looking at you and appreciatively nodding, then it really means something. The weight of Vanita’s nods outstrips any other attention I mightattract.
She takes a big sip of her coconut water. ‘It was more of arealization.’
I sit next to her and wave the waiter down for a menu.
She says, ‘You lost a few years because of wearing a bikini. And Vicky.’
The memory of Vicky, my high school and college ex, still evokes a sense of bitterness. Time heals, but also leaves its invisible marks on your soul. He was the first boy I learnt to love, felt close to and shared dreams with. I learnt to love him more than I loved myself, and then I learnt to hate him with an intensity that scared me. Once I mustered the courage to walk away, he refused to let me go. My imprisonment began the day he stood at the front door, brandishing my bikini photos and declaring his love for me despite my perceived lack of virtue. The bikini photos I had shared from the Andamans because he had gifted me one. The photos I had shared because I wanted to better his mood after he bungled his board exams. That day, myparents, horrified by their ‘slutty’ seventeen-year-old daughter who was sending boys risqué pictures, insisted I stay with him.
‘The wearing wasn’t the problem. I just shouldn’t have sent pictures to Vicky.’
‘You were seventeen. Being stupid was first nature to us back then,’ she says. ‘But see how times change? Your mother will be the first one to like your picture on Instagram.’
I nod, having felt this first-hand. ‘Morals shift, things change. Did you imagine when we were young that we would be on a trip like this? Two middle-class girls? A different country? Things just keep changing. It will keep happening. I’m living a life a younger me didn’t even dream of. My younger cousins are even a step further...’
‘Are they allowed to send pictures to boys?’ jokes Vanita.
‘Somehow it’s still not funny.’
‘I know, I know,’ she says and touches my arm. ‘Oh, just remembered, Daksh was on that trip, wasn’t he?’
I nod. ‘I told you this, right? He was the one who checked my board exam results.’
‘Nineteenth April. I will never forget that day. The most nervous day of my entire life!’ says Vanita. ‘Life and death.’
‘I swear I was shaking that day, like crazy. He found me in the business centre of that resort. I still remember his face, so calm, like a monk. He checked the website on the computer and on his phone too. I called him my lucky charm.’ And then I remember about Gaurav and him. ‘Gaurav stole his Nintendo on the trip, by the way.’
‘And look at Gaurav now,’ says Vanita. ‘How many followers does he have? Two million?’
‘Two point three million,’ I correct her.
‘Seems like Daksh was a bigger lucky charm for your brother. Where’s Gaurav, by the way?’
‘He’s gone to the UAE, some gaming convention. With Tejal, she’s managing him now. I mean, they are undergoing a transition. So, at the moment, both Daksh and Tejal are managing him.’
‘I fell out of touch with Tejal,’ says Vanita and then rubs my back. ‘By the way, you did a good job at hiding your feelings with Daksh. You were like, so normal. I’m proud of you.’
‘There was nothing to hide—’
My words are cut off by a voice behind me.
‘Hey!’
The voice startles me. I recognize it immediately, but it’s weird. I swivel so quickly I give myself a sprain.
‘No way!’ I say. ‘So cool you came!’
