‘I needed to figure out what I wanted for myself.’
‘And how’s that self-discovery going?’
She leans forward and fixes her gaze on me. ‘Daksh, it was too much for me. I just wanted to be... free. I just wanted to be Aanchal for a while.’
I gather myself. I fortify my heart against any more pain that she can inflict. And she can. Even after all these years, she can crush my heart just as easily. Even now, with every passing moment, Aanchal becomes more radiant, a flower that keeps on fucking blossoming. She’s only 5’6”, five inches shorter thanme, and yet she commands the room, not I. I turn to look at the policemen who are still snarling outside. And why wouldn’t they? They want to be the protectors of the most beautiful girl they might have ever seen. If I hadn’t been so insanely shallow and could have looked past her gorgeousness and straight at the blackness of her heart, I wouldn’t have found myself here.
‘You broke up, I respected that.’
She interrupts me. ‘You broke up, Daksh, I didn’t.’
I restrain myself because who broke up is pure semantics. It was all her doing.
‘Who took the decision was immaterial. You pushed me to do it. You think after what you did, how you did it, I would stay with you?’
She gives a mournful chuckle as if I had said something funny.
‘There was a difference between you and me, Daksh. I never promised you anything. That was all you. You always loved to say all those fancy things about forevers and sacrifices and whatnot. You used to say that you would be with me no matter what. You promised you would go to hell and back with me. I never even wanted to be in a relationship! But you said you would make everything all right. That you would hold my hand, guide me out of the sadness Vicky had left me in and whatever. That was all a big lie. So, if there’s one person to blame in all of this, it’s you, Daksh!’
My blood pumps furiously at her accusation. She leans back in her chair. As if the executioner can be blamed for the crime. I might have ended the relationship, but she forced my hand.Shemade it impossible to be with her any more.
I concede. I raise my hands in mock surrender. ‘It’s me. I was the problem. Fine, I agree. Can we get over this charade of a conversation and get on with our lives?’
‘Our lives as in Amruta and her kids?’ she asks me. ‘Nice podcast by the way—’
I interrupt her. ‘I don’t want you in my life. I told you, no calls, no messages, nothing. I stuck to that. There’s nothing between us.’
Her calmness irritates me.
She says, ‘It doesn’t need to be this caustic. The least you could have done is pick up—’
‘We were over,’ I remind her. ‘What did you want me to say after picking up your calls? That I moved on? Of course I hadn’t moved on.’
For days after the break-up, she would call me at least once every day, ‘to talk’. I wasn’t stupid enough to think she wanted anything else but to lessen her own guilt. I blocked her wherever I could.
I continue, ‘Why would I lie just so you could be okay with your decision? You wanted to find yourself, no? Then go, fucking find yourself!’
Her eyes burn with disappointment. ‘This is who you are, Daksh. Not the one you pretended to be—the perfect, all-accepting, nice guy. You, too, made promises you couldn’t keep. What’s the difference between—’
‘Don’t compare me with Vicky.’
‘I didn’t want us to be anything!’ she exclaims. She bends forward and locks my gaze. ‘You told me you were different from him. But you lied.’
I have reached my breaking point with her. I get up.
‘I can’t waste any more time with you. I’m done. So now, show some grace for once, tell those policemen about the apology and let’s fuck off from each other’s lives. I have lived three years without you, what’s another thirty?’
She rolls her eyes. ‘You were unfair then, you’re unfair now.’
I let the words wash over me. ‘Fine.’
But she continues with a disgusted look, ‘You make yourself out to be the victim, but I was the victim because you said you were in love, but you weren’t. I went through years of trauma with Vicky and you did the same to me.’
I don’t want to listen to her any more.
She continues, ‘You made me swear off love forever. Do you ever think about that?’
‘I was willing to do everything.’
