I shake my head; Blake is the intimidating one. Stunning, intelligent, and completely unreadable—most of the time. More often than not, when I tease them for being a nerd, it’s to remind myself that they’re just as sensitive as I am, because no one would ever know it until they got to know Blake.
“Did I-” I clear my throat; I was about to ask if I embarrassed them, but I don’t want to know the answer to that. “Did I make a half-decent impression on your parents?”
“Eris,” Blake murmurs into my hair. “Do you even need to ask that?”
My insides squirm in embarrassment, because I wish I didn’t. I wish I was as confident as I pretend to be. I wish all of the tattoos and piercings and asshole behavior that I use to push people away were actually enough to stop the constant craving for validation. I wish that my insecurity didn’t gnaw at me as cruelly as it does. But I am still in awe that someone as interesting and bright as Blake even looked my way, let alone introduced me to their parents, so I answer, “Yes.”
Blake takes a deep breath, before they answer in a gentle voice, “You tell me.”
I groan out a laugh. “You’re so annoying!”
“You did it to me first, Bud.” Blake kisses my temple. “Go on, what impression do you think you made?”
I hold Blake tighter, as if I might merge into them, because everything always makes so much more sense when we’re like this. Blake shines a light onto all the lies in my head, that aretelling me that Michael ignored me because he doesn’t think I’m worth talking to. That Linda kept asking so many questions because I was giving the wrong answers. That Matt and Allie kept jumping in because they saw I was floundering.
But knowing Blake, everything we’ve talked about the past month—since we basically switched from reluctant acquaintances to committed partners over the course of a weekend—everything they’ve shared about their family… The Ryans must have liked me enough to show me their real selves. Michael trusted Blake to know he could plug his ears and do his crossword puzzle, confident I wouldn’t judge him or take it personally, with no need for him to make sure I was good enough for Blake. Linda asked questions because she was genuinely interested in what I had to say. Matt and Allie are just weak ass pushovers who are allergic to conflict, and I can tell that Linda and I will have many a debate in our future, if Blake still wants me around.
“It was fine, I guess,” I eventually answer, overcome with appreciation that Blake lets me spiral for as long as I need to make my way back to center.
“More than fine,” Blake wiggles down the couch a bit underneath me, so they can kiss my cheek instead of the top of my head. “They adored you, just like me.”
“Hopefully not just like you,” I tease, kissing their jaw. “Might make the next family gathering awkward if your parents are hitting on me.”
Blake scoffs. “Fuck off, you know what I mean. They adored you, as much as, but not in the same manner as I do.”
“You’re so pedantic.”
“Technically,youwere pedantic that time.”
“So your lease is up in September?” I ask, unsure if I want to start this conversation. Blake’s new job is in Evanston. Right now, they’re just a short train ride from me. But what if theymove closer to work, and we don’t see each other as often, or grow apart? What if this summer is all we have? I could push this conversation off for later. I could already be going down on Blake, giving them the orgasms they’ve earned. But I can’t help myself. “Do you know what your plan is yet?”
Blake groans. “Yeah, end of September, but I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I spent three months apartment hunting when I first moved here, and all I found in my budget was that shitty studio.”
“You’re not going to renew?” I turn us on our sides, so we’re nose to nose in the quiet dark of my apartment. My hand presses against Blake’s back to keep them from rolling off the couch.
Stretching out against me, Blake shakes their head. “Every time I have to go back there, I dread it. It was fine when I was in school, and I had class to go to and stuff, but now? I shouldn’t dread going home.” They sigh, tracing the scriptwork tattoo on my forearm. “But that reminds me, I need to notify them I’m moving out. Even though I don’t know where I’ll be living yet.”
“You could stay here, if you want,” I reply automatically. My heart pounds as I realize what I’ve said, but I don’t take it back.
Blake’s smile is distinctly smirk-like, but still so genuine—it takes everything not to taste it. “Bud, are you asking me to move in with you? After a month together?”
Burning in embarrassment, I grumble under my breath, “First of all, you brat, it’ll be over three months by then. And I’m not saying to move in permanently. Just, if you need a place to stay in between leaving there and finding a new place, this place is big enough for all of your books and your mess.” I clear my throat; the insecure part of me is fighting what I’m about to say. “And…I would like to have you here. Maybe after a while, if you can’t find a place, and we both like how it’s going, we can talk about that. But don’t feel, like, pressured or whatever. I just want you to know, it’s an option for you.”
Blake’s teasing smile stays put, even as their eyes soften—the big green eyes that went wide when we first met, then narrowed into a glare when I made some crass joke moments later. “You love me.”
“What the fuck, Bambi,” I groan, burying my face into the pillow. Of all the responses that could have come out of their mouth, that is just so Blake of them. We haven’t… That word hasn’t come up yet. Of course Blake would put it in my mouth, like stating a simple fact, as easy as anything.
Blake kisses my cheek, my neck, climbing onto my back to pepper me with kisses. “Youloveme,” they singsong.
“Why are you like this?” I ask, wondering if my embarrassment will set the couch on fire.
“Because you like me like this,” Blake murmurs, kissing my ear. “In fact, youloveme like this. You have since the beginning. And I love you too, Eris.”
I don’t respond at first. I can’t. My head is spinning at the direction this has taken. I need a moment to get my heart under control, before I say something rash or crude or mean that I’ll regret. Ever since that second night in the hotel, since my meltdown in the bathroom at how overwhelmingly gone for Blake I was, I have been determined not to ruin this. Because I want this, want Blake, so much. The idea of losing them now? It hurts to think about.
But Blake is here, telling me they love me, giving me space to admit what we already know to be true.
Turning my head out of the blanket to face them, I look into Blake’s eyes, still soft and warm and happy as they wait for me to stop freaking out. “Yeah. I do. I have, since the beginning.”
