Jessica blinks, silent.
I’m left equally speechless. I’ve never seen Allie so assertive towards anyone before, especially not Jessica. After her silence yesterday, I was worried that Allie thought Jessica was right. A sigh of relief escapes me. She wasn’t mulling over her feelings about me at all, just her bitchy twin.
“I asked you to leave Blake and Eris alone today, and you can’t even do that. Maybe I should have asked them to be my attendant of honor instead, if this is how you behave!” Allie grabs my hand. “Come on, Blake. Let’s dance.”
She pulls me out of the bathroom with more force than necessary, because I’m dogging her every step. “You okay?”
Allie nods. Her cheeks are flushed, a determined smirk on her face. “I feel great! That’s been building for months, and Eris helped me figure out what I wanted to say. God, champagne is amazing!”
“Proud of you,” I say, and Allie beams up at me, batting those big blue eyes. When we lived together, that grin would send my heart to my toes before twisting into endless heartburn from the guilt of being in love with someone other than Matt. But now, that grin merely gives me a nice buzz, a pleasant high from being home with my best friends. “But you know I would have been a terrible attendant of honor.”
“Oh yeah, without question!” Allie giggles, fussing with her princess skirt. “You should’ve been Matt’s best man, though. I’m sorry that you’re not.” Her grin turns mischievous. “My new mother-in-law isn’t ready. If there’s one thing I’ve learned fromthis wedding bullshit, it’s that I need to keepmypeace, not hers.”
We laugh as Allie grabs my hands to pull me onto the dance floor. In the corner table, I see Eris sitting by zimself, and my chest tightens. But before I can beckon zim over, Matt pounces on zim with a hug from behind, dragging zim to join us. Eris’s dress flutters around zis stocky legs as Matt spins zim around the mostly empty space (it’s cute that they thought anyone from Solberg would dance at a wedding). Eris’s flustered expression makes me smile, knowing ze’s caught in the throes of Matt’s charm.
“You’re staring,” Allie teases me.
I shrug, unashamed. I’m allowed to stare at this point. I hope, anyway.
Asmyhighwearsoff, and the sleepiness from champagne settles in, it becomes more apparent that Eris is avoiding me. Not necessarily physically. Ze sits close enough to touch, brings me a much-needed cup of coffee while I get us cake; all the things a real couple would do. But ze has barely looked at me all evening. After last night, I thought we’d turned a corner in our…friendship, for lack of a better word. But Eris hasn’t talked shit about me, or made a dirty joke too loudly, or laughed with that high-pitched cackle since we arrived on campus.
Ze hasn’t called me Bambi in hours.
“Are you mad at me?” I ask quietly as we finish our cake, hating how weak my voice sounds. “Did I do something wrong?”
Eris frowns, shaking zis head. “No, of course not.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Ze shrugs. “Nothing.”
I wait, in case Eris wants to add anything. Maybe ze isn’t feeling well, maybe Jessica said something that struck home, or maybe the heteronormativity is giving zim a headache. But Eris just scrapes raspberry drizzle off zis plate and sucks on the fork.
I drain the last of my coffee, setting the cup down with a too-loudthunk. “Come on.”
Eris looks up at me as I stand, extending my hand in a silent offer. After a reluctant pause that makes my heart sink, considering how ze clung to my hand on the long drive here, ze rises and takes it. “Where are we going?”
“To dance, duh.” I don’t know what song is playing, but it’s slow and sweet. If Eris is already checking out of whatever we are, I want to cling just a little while longer. Even if it is for pretend, I want to feel wanted. To hold zim while we slow dance, and kiss zis cheek.
Eris dutifully put zis arms around my shoulders, zis face in my neck. In a kitten heel, ze fits perfectly in my arms. I draw zim close around the waist, resting my cheek on zis hair. “Who are you, and what have you done with the real Eris?”
“The fuck are you talking about?” Eris huffs.
“You’ve been quiet. You haven’t insulted me in hours. You’ve been…nice. It’s weird.”
Zis chuckle is silent, but the exhale is hot against my skin. “You told me not to be an asshole. I’m not being an asshole. You’re welcome.”
“I never expected you to benice, though. Especially to me,” I tease as we sway side to side. The satin of zis dress is smooth under my palms. “What happened to not making yourself small for them?”
“I’m not making myself small,” Eris grumbles quietly into my collar. “I’m just…not drawing attention to myself. For you.”
“Okay, but we’ve established that I like you kinda bitchy.” I kiss Eris’s ear.
Eris sighs, burying into my shoulder. “I just… You’re so much moreyouhere. I’ve never seen you this open, or laugh this much. This place, these people—they’re important to you. I don’t want to ruin things.”
“You couldn’t,” I insist. “I love home, parts of it at least. But nothing you could do would ruin it. I’m here for Matt and Allie, and they like you. My parents won’t care what anyone says about us, even if I worry about making things harder for them. Those four are the only ones I care about here. And I… I care about you, Eris.”
Eris’s distressed grumble makes me grin.
