Eris’s tone almost sounds respectful, and I’m tempted to see what expression goes with it. But I keep my eyes on the vultures.And the road, of course. “Pretty intentional considering I plan on working in environmental law, yeah.”
“Why?”
Confused, I frown. “Why what?”
“Why are you going into environmental law?” Eris puts the binoculars back and snaps the glove box closed. “As your fake hot piece of ass, this is something I should know.”
I frown harder, because ze’s right. I hate talking about myself; it gives people ammunition. With this six-hour drive of uninterrupted time to talk looming all week, I’ve been putting off sharing anything Eris might need to know. But we’re two hours in, and I still haven’t said a thing about myself.
I sigh. “Spite, mostly.”
Eris laughs. “Valid. Keep talking.”
I grumble quietly before answering, “Matt’s parents don’t really value higher education, but my mom is a professor. The importance of college is a point of contention in their long-standing feud as next-door neighbors. His parents made him start working for the family construction business right out of high school, even though he’s a math wiz and wanted to be an astrophysicist.” Hands clenching around the steering wheel, I swallow the resentment I have for the Jacobsons; Matt chose to fall in line, and he’s happy with that choice. “Matt’s someone who finds contentment in the cards he’s been dealt. The grass is greener where you water it, in his opinion. I just think he’d be happier with flowers.”
“Oh man, so the people-pleasing thing isn’t just you?” Eris teases.
I snort. “Back home, I’m the black sheep.”
“Jesus Christ,” Eris grumbles, rubbing zis forehead.
“Anyway, his mom took every opportunity to diminish my choice to go to college—my environmental studies major, the extracurriculars I was in, everything. One semester, I did anindependent study on the limitations of the Water Pollution Control Act, and I mentioned offhand how I’d like to do something related to environmental policy. His mom basically thought I was wasting my time. That I’d never get into grad school, find a job, or make any difference in the world. So I have to prove her wrong.”
Taking a breath to calm my lingering bitterness, I tap the steering wheel. But Eris doesn’t ask a follow-up question, so I keep talking. “Also, I’m good at it? I think anyway. Like, yeah, reading cases is boring, but I enjoy figuring out the meaning in the legalese and thinking through the practical application and impacts. Like, analyzing and predicting the gaps between the spirit of the law and the letter of the law to make better policy is fascinating. I’m kinda burnt out on school, but I think I’ll enjoy the work once I’m done cramming.”
“Adrienne said you’re super smart.” The hesitant tone in zis voice makes me glance over, but Eris merely looks out the window, which leaves me no choice but to conclude that Eris Garcia justcomplimentedme.
“She did?” I perk up, trying and failing not to preen at the secondhand praise. “I get decent grades, but I’m not the best in the class, by any means.”
“Yeah. I mean, she says you’re quiet, but you pick up on shit quick,” Eris mutters, then snorts. “Kinda weird, considering you don’t pay attention to anything normally.”
“Thanks,” I deadpan, a little relieved that we’re back to normal. “I wasn’t aware y’all talked about me.”
“‘Y’all’ sounds awful in your accent,” Eris groans. “We woulda talkedwithyou, but you never come to shit besides brunch.”
I focus on the semi I’m passing to avoid answering. Adrienne invites me to her and Dream’s house sometimes, or to their family get-togethers on holidays. But brunch is the only thing I feel like I can go to.
“Don’t go quiet on me again, Bambi,” Eris says, zis gravelly voice soft.
“You didn’t ask a question.”
“‘You didn’t ask a question,’” Eris mimics me, zis mocking tone nasal and pinched. “The implied question was why don’t you ever hang out with us besides brunch? Like, if it’s because you don’t like me, I get it, but don’t hold yourself apart because of me.”
My chest seizes as I sputter; the people pleaser in me wants to deny everything and apologize, but I’m clueless as to what I’d be apologizing for. “What?”
Eris hesitates before murmuring, “Everyone likes you, but you keep us at arm’s length. Dream thinks it’s my fault, but Adrienne says you’re just introverted. But if that’s true, then why only go out in public instead of hanging out at their house, you know? I guess…” Zis sigh is heavy. “I just want to make sure it’s not something I’m doing wrong.”
Blinking, I struggle to process what Eris just said, replaying zis words over and over again. My guard down, the people pleaser wins. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make everyone feel bad.”
“Oh my god,” Eris groans. “You always apologize for the most unnecessary shit, dude!”
“Sorry.” I grin as ze smacks my arm. “I just… I can’t have people over. Like, my place is too small, and frankly, messy, to have company.”
Eris rubs zis forehead again. “What does that have to do with it?”
I blink in confusion. “Well, if they invitemeover for dinner, I need to invite them back. And I didn’t realize thatyou all,” I emphasize my long vowels and the space between the words, making Eris snort, “hung out together like that, and I can’t host that many people—”
“Wait,” Eris interrupts. “So you don’t come to their house because you can’t reciprocate?”
