Ze lets out a full-on cackle this time, with the high pitch and everything. “Exactly. You don’t listen for shit. But I don’t talk much, so you didn’t know anything about my shady weed operation.”
“You talktoomuch,” I retort. It’s still not clicking for me, from a legal perspective. Why would the government hire a random dispensary employee to grow their experimental strains? “For the purpose of telling my parents, how did you get into this?”
Ze smirks. “In case yourparentsare curious, I have a masters in agricultural science and lab management experience. Unclench, Bambi, it’s all legal.”
The nickname sounds different in zis gravelly voice. The hint of a Texas accent softens the consonants, night and day from the strong Minnesota vowels in my mind when I’d read it. I swallow. “Then why were you a tattoo artist?”
“I wanted to be.” Eris shrugs and moves zis collection of cotton swabs to another plant, unzipping the humidity tent around it. “And then I wanted to do this.”
“That’s an unsatisfying answer.”
As a response, Eris merely hums in amusement.
We finish our work in silence. Peeling the PPE off, I wait impatiently while Eris cleans up. With zis hands on my shoulders, Eris hurries me out past the guy in the lobby, telling him to shut the fuck up. Before he can say anything, I’m rushed out the door.
I turn around to chew zim out for being pushy, but Eris is already zipping down the sidewalk. For someone four inches shorter than me, ze walks fast. I push myself to keep up, following half a pace behind. I can’t hide my limp walking this fast, and I don’t want Eris to notice. No one here constantly fusses over me the way Matt and my parents did, and I don’t want that to start now. I appreciate that Eris treats me just as rudely as everyone else. “Where are we going?”
“Ice cream.”
“Oh, okay, because that clears it up.”
Ze huffs. “There’s a cute spot by the river that has vegan ice cream.”
“You’re not vegan.” Eris always gets bacon with brunch.
“No, but you’re lactose intolerant.”
I sputter, my brow knitting in confusion. “How the fuck do you know that?”
“Because my brain isn’t stuffed full of boring law shit, so I can pay attention to my surroundings.” Eris looks over zis shoulder, pushing me to the side just as a bike zips past. My hair tickles my cheek; if I’d stayed a few inches to the right, more than just my knee would be hurting right now. “Seriously, it’s a miracle you’ve survived this long.”
“Came close,” I mutter, breathing through the knot in my gut, as Eris zips along the sidewalk again. I practically have to jog to keep up. Already, I’m dreading how much my knee will hurt later.
By the time I sit on a bench overlooking the river, mint chip cone in hand, my knee crackles like sand is caught in the joint. I hope Eris doesn’t hear it. Ze doesn’t say anything as ze sits, far too close to me, so the sound must have been drowned out amidst the cacophony of the concrete jungle around us.
“Take a picture,” ze tells me, dragging zis tongue up the side of the rocky road cone in a way that is frankly obscene.
“You could say please.” I take my phone out anyway, mostly to stop myself from staring. “Why can’tyoutake a picture?”
Eris sighs with a condescending air. “Bambi, this is our hard launch. We both need to post a few pictures. So go on, take a picture of your…” Ze looks at me expectantly. “What pet name are you giving me since you won’t call me your hot piece of ass?”
I grimace. “I’m not really a nickname person.”
“What did you call your ex?”
“Matt.”
Ze laughs. “No, like, babe or sweetheart. Punkin. Pookie bear?”
I shake my head. “Dude?”
“Oh my god,” ze sighs. “You’re reallynota nickname person. Okay, so what am I? Pal? Homie? Buddy?”
I snort, poking the cartoon cannabis logo on zis sleeve. “I could call you Bud.”
Eris sighs. “That is the worst pet name ever, but it’ll do. Anyway, take a picture.” With a smirk, ze drags zis tongue up the side of the melting ice cream again, gesturing to me to take the shot.
I do, but I don’t check how it turned out, because I’m pretty sure Eris has a tongue ring that I’d never noticed before, and I willnotlet myself stare. If the picture is shit, it’s shit. Eris can look shitty in our fake hard post, tongue ring and all.
