He smirks. “You just want to ride in Mia’s car so she can talk shit about me.”
“Obviously,” I say. The banter is so easy to get used to now that I’m not walking on eggshells. I can be myself.
Mia laughs on the other end. “I’ll be there in twenty. You want coffee?”
“I’m good,” I say, glancing at the mug in my hand. “Just bring yourself. And maybe some leave-in conditioner.”
She hangs up, and I set my phone down, feeling strangely… content. Happy, even.
Anthony comes around the counter and pulls me into his arms, holding me tight. “You sure you don’t want to stay here today?”
“I’ll see you tonight,” I promise, kissing his chest.
He kisses the top of my head, then whispers, “I’m proud of you, you know.”
“For what?”
“For being brave,” he says. “For surviving. For letting yourself be happy.”
I close my eyes, holding onto that feeling. The truth is, I’m not brave. I’m still terrified, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But right now, with his arms around me and the taste of coffee on my tongue, I almost believe him.
Maybe, for once, I really do deserve this.
33
Anthony
The weather app saidtoday would break seventy for the first time all year. I get up before the sun, fill a cooler with way too much food, grab some blankets and cushions, then drive to the trailhead. The whole way there I’m buzzing. Not the caffeine kind. The kind that only kicks in when I know I’m about to do something that’ll make her smile.
I park at the end of the lot where no one ever bothers with this trail, it’s a bit too long and sandy for most people. The sand’s still cold under my boots. The first time I ever saw was after Mia told me she had been here, so I came to check it out and it’s been one of my favorite places to sit and read ever since. Then, I thought: Lila would love this place. Even then, before I’d ever touched her, I thought like that.
The wind’s up, but it’s not miserable. I drag everything to the gazebo, set up the blankets on the side that gets the sun, wedge the cushions so she can lounge without gettingsand in her hair. The cooler’s mostly charcuterie and little finger sandwiches I made at 5 a.m., plus two thermoses. One coffee, one the kind of hot chocolate she likes, which tastes like pure sugar to me but she’s obsessed with it. I set out strawberries too, because I saw her pick them off the cheese platters at a few gatherings.
I finish and make my way back to the parking lot as her car pulls into the lot. Mia’s car, actually. She’s been borrowing it ever since she divorced Eli. I watch her step out, sunglasses already on even though it’s early, hair up in a loose knot, a hoodie zipped all the way to her chin. She spots me, waves, then starts up the path, sneakers already sinking in the soft sand.
I meet her halfway. “Hey, gorgeous.”
She takes off the sunglasses and gives me this look, a full-body scan up and down, like she’s making sure it’s really me. “You look like a handsome lumberjack,” she says, but she grins as she says it.
“Better than looking like, I don’t know, a masked stalker” I laugh and wink at her, her grin widens. “How’s the drive?”
“Long. I hate driving in sand; it’s like walking on the moon.”
I laugh and take her hand, leading her down the trail. “You ever been to the moon?”
“I don’t need to, I have you for that. You find the weirdest places.”
“Yeah, but this one’s special,” I say, and I mean it. “Wait until you see the view.”
She looks at me over her sunglasses. “You sound like a realtor. Next you’ll tell me the HOA fees are low.”
“Only fee is you have to eat everything I packed,” I say, and she laughs, really laughs. It’s the best sound I’ve ever heard. I’d kill to make her do it more.
She slows down and tugs on my hand. “Can we take a break? My calves are dying.”
I let go and wait while she sits down on a chunk of driftwood. She pulls the hoodie sleeves down over her hands and just sits there for a minute, staring at the ocean.
“You want a piggyback?” I offer.
