I flinch at the word. “I know how it sounds. I know I’m probably crazy. But for a moment there, I felt...” I trail off, unable to articulate the mix of fear and excitement and desire that still courses through me when I think of him.
“You felt what?” Valerie prompts.
“Alive,” I whisper. “I felt alive. For the first time in years.”
The room falls silent. I don’t dare look up, afraid of what I’ll see in their faces. Judgment, disgust, pity—all reactions I deserve.
“Lila,” Valerie says finally, her voice gentle. “You know this isn’t normal, right? A stranger watching your house, breaking in, putting his hands on you. That’s not romantic, it’s dangerous.”
“I know,” I say, though part of me rebels against the words. “But nothing about my life is normal. My husband locks me out of my own bank accounts and chases me around the house. I sleep with furniture against my door. I have a safe word with my friends in case I need rescuing. Is it really that crazy that something abnormal would make me feel good for once?”
Mia sighs and slides off the table, coming to sit beside me. “We’re not judging you,” she says, though I can tell she absolutely is. “We’re worried. Men like this, they seem exciting at first. Different. But they all turn out the same in the end.”
“He’s not like Eli,” I say, a hint of defiance in my voice.
“You don’t know what he’s like,” Valerie counters. “You’ve only even been close enough to actually touch him once, let alone speak to him. That’s not exactly a solid character assessment.”
I bite my lip, knowing she’s right but hating to admit it. “I’m not saying I’m going to run away with him or anything. I’m just... I don’t know. Processing, I guess.”
“Just promise us you’ll be careful,” Valerie says. “And remember, if anything, anything, feels wrong, text us ‘fluffy’ and we’ll be there in ten minutes or less.”
“With baseball bats,” Mia adds, a fierce glintin her eye.
I laugh despite myself. “I promise. And thank you, for not thinking I’m completely insane.”
“Oh, we definitely think you’re insane,” Mia says, but she’s smiling now. “But we love you anyway.”
The conversation shifts as customers begin to arrive, though I catch Valerie and Mia exchanging worried glances throughout the morning. I throw myself into work, grateful for the distraction from my swirling thoughts. We print labels for a local bakery, package up a rush order of business cards, and sort through the day’s mail drop-offs.
By lunchtime, the tension has eased. We eat sandwiches in the back room, and Mia starts telling us about a disastrous date she went on over the weekend. It’s comforting, this return to normalcy, even if everything beneath the surface has shifted.
“Oh!” Mia says suddenly, mid-story. “I almost forgot. The club is doing a Halloween Masquerade next weekend. We should go!”
“I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything like that.” I say.
“Oh, come on. The point is, it’s a masquerade. Masks, dancing, drinks. We’re going.” Mia adds.
My heart skips at the word “masks.” Images of green X’s and a dimpled chin flash through my mind. “I don’t know,” I hedge. “Eli might be home.”
“Has he said anything about a trip?” Valerie asks.
I shake my head. “No, I never know when he’s going to be home or when he’ll be leaving again. I do know that once he does leave, I have at least three days.”
“Well, if he’s gone, you’re coming,” Mia declares. “No excuses. You need a night out that doesn’t involve being stalked or manhandled.”
I feel a blush creeping up my neck and hope they don’t notice. “Fine, if he’s gone, I’ll come.”
Valerie nods approvingly. “Good. And if anything happens with your ‘admirer’ before then, you tell us immediately. No keeping secrets just because you think we’ll judge you.”
“I won’t,” I promise, though I’m already wondering what I’ll say if he comes back tonight. If he touches me again. If I let him.
The rest of the day passes in a whirl of customers and orders. By closing time, I’m exhausted but strangely light. Sharing my secret, most of it, anyway, has lifted some of the weight from my shoulders. My friends might think I’m making a mistake, but they’re still here, still on my side.
As I drive home, I find myself scanning the dune grass, looking for his silhouette. Part of me hopes he’s there. A larger part hopes he isn’t. Because despite what I told Valerie and Mia, despite the thrill that runs through me at the memory of his touch, I know they’re right. This isn’t normal. This isn’t safe.
But then, neither is going home to Eli. And at least with my masked man, I have a choice.
17
