“Yeah. Siblings are an experience,” is what I say instead, and Bennett offers me a soft smile.
The hair on the back of my neck stands on end, and I turn to look out of the window next to us.
I don’t see anyone on the grass in the middle of the square, or anyone walking on the sidewalk. Even the bluebirds have flown south for the upcoming winter.
I guess this is what happens when you miss someone: you manifest them everywhere. I wish Rowan were here now—watching me from across the diner or standing in the grass so many feet away.
I’m learning how to long for him one day at a time. It’s a painful, tiresome trek that is draining me of happiness and hope.
Fuck him. And fuck this.
“Well, I should get going. I need to pack. The only ticket I could find at the last minute was a 9 a.m. flight, so I have to get up pretty early.”
Bennett nods, grabbing my half-finished plate.
“Come see me when you get back, yeah?” he asks, giving me a bright, hopeful smile.
“Sure,” I answer noncommittally.
Bennett watches as I leave the diner, and even as the doors shut behind me, that feeling of being watched lingers.
Rowan tries calling me multiple times throughout the night, so I eventually turn my phone off. I received a single text message from him a little bit after dinner, and I chose to ignore that, too.
Rowan 6:51 p.m.
Can I come by? I really want to talk this out. I don’t want to lose you.
It did not hold the answer as to why I’m banned from his house, and it was once again him wanting to come tomyapartment. So, no, we can not meet up, Rowan. I’m done.
I’m not going to let this continue; I’m not going to let myself become anymore attached to him. All of these spiraling emotions and desperate desires to see him stem from him being the first man I had feelings for. That’s it. And I’m not a child—I can see how this will end.
I will let him hurt me; I will forgive him too easily because of this. It’s too dangerous.
I have to protect myself before I can give in to my wants or this pull in my chest. No matter how much I feel like dying, no matter how similar this feels to falling from a height I cannot calculate to an unprotected ground below.
I taxi to the closest airport, arriving at 7:30 a.m. sharp.
It’s small, so the security checkpoint is only a three-minute walk from the entrance. It’s also insanely dead, being the end of October. I guess no one travels during this specific holiday.
I’ll be spending Halloween with my family, which means handing out candy to the neighborhood kids. I’m not the biggest fan of this activity, but I won’t have much of a choice once I arrive.
I approach security, handing over my driver’s license and my plane ticket. Once I’m ushered through, I make quick work of removing my shoes and placing all of my things into the small bucket that is rolled through the X-ray machine.
A minute or two later, I’m on the other side and heading toward my gate. Only, as I’m about to round the corner, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end again. My phone buzzes from my back pocket.
Pulling it free, I see an incoming call from Rowan. And looking over my shoulder to the opposite side of security, where family and friends can watch their loved one depart, I spot him standing beneath the screens that display incoming and outgoing flights.
Rowan looks incredibly disheveled, and those wide green eyes are openly pleading with me.What is he asking? What is he doing here?!
How Rowan knew I was boarding a plane this morning, I have no clue. Maybe John spoke to him, or maybe he was dropping Marissa off and spotted me.
I watch him for a moment, my phone buzzing in my hand as he holds his own to his ear, urging me to pick up.
Rowan’s face falls as I slide the device back into my pocket, and then I turn on my heel and head further into the airport.
Chapter Nineteen
Rowan
