Battling this ache in my chest and this increasing anxiety all on my own is already hard enough; adding pressure from an outside source will only make things worse.
Ironically, I’ve heard from my family more than what should be considered necessary that I should make myself more vulnerable to others. Well… was thisvulnerableenough?
Maybe I should ask.
It would be nice to see them again; a surprise visit to my parents’ house could be fun.
“John, would it be okay if I took tomorrow off? I’d like to fly home and see my family. I’ll be back Sunday night if it’s fine.”
John nods quickly, contemplative eyes trained on the floor by his shoes. “Of course. We’re doing well on deadlines, so you’re fine.”
“Thank you.”
I’ll call my mom when I land and let her know—she doesn’t work anymore, so she can pick me up from the airport. It’ll be nice to feel some normalcy, to remind myself who I am and how I’ve survived for so many years.
I don’t need Rowan; I don’t need love or human contact.
And as I check my phone again and see no new notifications, I remind myself of this again.
“So you’ll be gone for three days?” Bennett asks as I eat my dinner, his chin resting in his palm as he watches me.
“Yeah, something like that. I’ll be back Sunday.”
Tabitha’s Place is decently busy for a Thursday night, but there are still a few empty tables littered around.
Bennett took his break as soon as my food was ready, choosing to spend it at my table to keep me company.
“Are you excited to see your family?”
I shrug. “Yeah. It’ll be nice to see my sisters, even if they’re a lot.”
I wish I couldfeelhow much I missed them; instead, I just have a dull reminder in the back of my mind that things were a bit more comfortable with them around.
“Sisters? You have multiple?” Bennett questions, and I realize I’ve never really told him much about myself.
“Yeah, I have two. They’re older than me, so they’re kind of difficult, but they can be nice.”
“Damn,” he laughs, reaching over to steal one of my fries. “No wonder you’re so indifferent. Growing up as the baby of two sisters must have been hard.”
“I wouldn’t say hard. Overwhelming? Exhausting? Humbling?”
Bennett laughs again, leaning back against the red leather of the booth. His blond hair is uncovered today, and his bright blue eyes are watching me with great interest.
Maybe I should have focused on him when I came to Fort Myers. I should have ignored John’s request to interview Rowan and jumped Bennett. But now I look at him, and I see in all the ways he doesn’t compare.
But would he hurt me? Or would he treat me as his god?
“I’m an only child, so I don’t understand that sentiment. But I respect your love for them. It sounds like you’re close,” he says.
Love?
Ha. Right.
Could I explain it to Bennett? Could I tell him I’ve never felt love before, not even for my family? And that the closest I ever got to it was a man I met when I movedhere? No, I shouldn’t.
Anytime I try to explain past ‘I’m not very emotional’ the way I did to Rowan over text one night, people tend to assume I’m a sociopath.
I’m not a sociopath. At least, that’s what the doctors said. I’m just… detached.
