That would be impossible; that would be insane. Unfortunately for him, I am not the type of man who believes in fairytales.
And because of that, I take my anxiety medicine for the first time in weeks—then I drag myself out of bed the morning after my entire life seems to fall apart, and I go to work.
I avoid any questions I get from John, and I keep my phone shut off. Terrified of what notification might pop up, I can’t bear to look. I’m not expecting to hear from anyone important anyway, and I can’t very well call my family about this.
Not only is it extremely embarrassing, but there is still some small, secret part of me that is hoping I’ll wake up from this nightmare and Rowan won’t be a creep.
If I do, and I’ve already told my sisters about what he’s done, they’ll never forgive him. They’ll never approve.
No—instead I will wait. For what, I do not know. But I can barely breathe through this pain, let alonethinkthrough it, so I’m doing the literal best that I can.
I just need to stay focused on my own survival. I need to work and drown myself in TV, books, and other people. That way, I can slowly forget about the man who marked my skin and changed my perspective on life.
And once I do, I can feel normal again. This ache can fade, and the feeling of falling from this impossible height can finally settle.
I find myself missing the in-between—the time when Rowan and I were so pleasantly aligned, and I never felt anxious, I always felt safe.
Before it all crashed and burned, but after I realized there was more to life than popping pills and glaring at strangers.
But I can’t spend forever dwelling, and if I intend on moving past this hiccup, I need tomove forward.
Work has ended, and I rush out of the office before John can catch me. He’s left me alone for the majority of the day due to our workload, but I fear that if I stay any longer, he’ll try to make some kind of conversation, and that conversation will lead back to Rowan.
I’m starving and slightly shaking. Whether it’s from my new burst of anxiety or lack of nutrition, I do not know, but I head to Tabitha’s Place for dinner either way.
I know Bennett will be there, and he’ll most likely ask questions, but I really don’t want to cook, and it’s right across the street.
My eyes track Bennett’s movements as soon as I enter, so I duck my head and find the closest empty table in an attempt to prolong my peace. I’ve never snuck into this diner before, and suddenly I feel like a teenager planning to dine and dash.
My quiet maneuvers keep me hidden for all of two minutes before Kandi approaches and very loudly announces my presence.
“Oh, hey Eli! Is it finally my turn to wait on our diner’s notorious cutie without Ben coming in to steal you?” She giggles, and I grimace as I try to smile.
“Sure, Kandi. I’ll take a Coke, thanks.”
“You got it!” She scurries away, and once her slender frame is no longer blocking my view of the rest of the restaurant, I spot Bennett watching me from the drink station.
Fucking great.
But something in my expression or the way I’m carrying myself must tell him I’m not in the mood for joking around, because he waits to approach me until I’m almost completely done with my chicken salad sandwich and fries.
And when he does, it’s with a grim expression and hesitant movements. He slowly lowers himself into the chair opposite me, and the pity in his eyes tells me that he’s already decided what’s bothering me.
“You okay, Eli?” he asks, and his voice is so gentle and patient that I find myself crumbling just the tiniest bit at his words.
Some part of me wants to confide in him. Some part of me wants to sob right here and tell him every horrible thing that has happened in the past twenty-four hours. But somehow that feels like a great betrayal to Rowan, and even now I don’t really want to hurt him.
“I’m fine,” I say instead. Bennett nods, but his blue eyes tell me that he knows anyway.
“I take it that yesterday was hard? John said you never came back to work.”
Fucking John, you loudmouth!I watch Bennett’s sympathetic expression as I try to form my response, and I guess I can’t really feign complete ignorance here.
“Yeah, it was rough. But I’m okay now.” That’s all I will give him.
Bennett clears his throat and replaces his slight frown with a bright smile, one that makes me feel a bit warmer than I did a moment ago. “I think you need a distraction; I think you deserve some fun.”
“Some fun?” I parrot, and Bennett only smiles wider.
