“Bullshit,” he spat, his tone unwavering. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re not only lying to me, but yourself.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Yes, you are. You and I both know that last night wasn’t just an ‘in the moment’ type of thing. It was way more than that. Did you think you could just play house with me yesterday and then go running back to Oliver today?”
“No. You’re reading too much into it. It just happened…” I faltered.
“Don’t fucking gaslight me, Birdie. You and I both know that there’s been more between us since day one, but you’re too busy running away from your feelings. Your dad felt his feelings so deeply that it destroyed him, so you’ve decided it’s safer to just shut yours down completely. And clearly you don’t want to deal with the repercussions of your actions.”
My anger flared. “Oh, you want to talk about repercussions? Have you told Oliver that you have feelings for one of the women he’s courting?” I gave him two seconds to answer and when he didn’t, I continued, “No, you haven’t. So don’t stand there and chastise me for something you yourself haven’t even done.”
“Tell me how you truly feel, and I will walk into that party right now and tell everyone about us, to hell with the repercussions.”
“What?” I gasped, my chest growing tight with shock that he would potentially throw his friendships down the drain for me.
“What do you feel, Birdie? Do you love me?”
I couldn’t do this. Not in that place, not in that moment. It was all too much. My body was starting to tighten up and I couldn’t think straight.
He closed the gap between us, mere inches separating us. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, and I will walk away right now and leave you alone and let you move on with your life.” His eyes pleaded with me.
I couldn’t stand there and tell him I loved him when I hadn’t loved anyone else in my life except my family and Sam. How could I acknowledge feelings I couldn’t even name? I had spent years not allowing myself to feel anything besides grief, and even that I had stuffed deep down and pushed away.
Knox didn’t deserve that. He deserved more.
A ball of emotion filled my throat, and I could barely get my answer out.
“I don’t love you, Knox.”
“Okay,” he said. He turned and strode out of the room as my heart plummeted right through the floor and straight to the center of the Earth.
“I don’t love you, Knox.”
Her words hit me like a bucket of ice water, shocking me to my core and stealing the breath from my chest.
She didn’t love me. Whether what she said was the truth or simply the only truth she was willing to accept, it didn’t matter. If she wasn’t going to let me in, I wasn’t going to push her.
Instead, I turned on my heels and walked away from the woman who had stolen my heart but wasn’t willing to fully give me hers.
I strode to a door across the small sitting room, hoping it would lead me back to the party. Even better if it just led me the fuck out of there entirely. An eerie calmness settled over me as I turned the handle, pulling the door closed behind me as I left the room.
Despite the many hours I had spent in Lexington Manor over the years, I had never committed the home’s layout tomemory, so I was annoyed to find myself in a dark hallway that led to the back stairwell—certainly not to the billiards room.
“Fuck,” I muttered, pausing for a moment, turning back toward the sitting room. I would wait a few minutes for Birdie to return to the party and then sneak out the back by the kitchen.
As I realized that the door hadn’t latched behind me and was cracked open—fuck these old buildings—I heard an all-too-familiar voice address Birdie on the other side.
“He’s right, you know.”
Oliver.Shit.My heart stopped just at the thought that he had overheard us.
I peered through the crack in the door to see Birdie whirl around. “Oliver! What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean,” he said, his tone tired and his eyes steely. “You’re only fooling yourself if you think you don’t have feelings for him.”
Shit, shit, shit.
“Oliver, I don’t know what you heard, but it’s not what you think.”
