Knox picked up the remote from the coffee table and paused the movie. He turned so his whole body faced me, giving me his entire attention.
“This,” he waved his hand over his body, “took nearly a decade of talk therapy and a few years on an antidepressant toget to. It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad I did it. Have you ever done any therapy or anything?”
I ran my hands along the hem of the blanket.
“You don’t have to answer that. I shouldn’t have asked. It was intrusive, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. I think we’re at the point in our friendship where you can ask me those things.” I took another deep breath. “I went to the school counselor for a few months after my mom died because I wasn’t doing great in school.”
“But that was it?”
“Yeah. I don’t like to talk about the hard stuff. Talking about it makes me feel…well, it makes me feel like I did last night. Sick to my stomach and like I’m on fire.”
He just nodded in understanding.
“I know I probably should. Connor found a therapist when he went to college. It’s probably why he has the perfect life with the perfect wife and daughter,” I laughed wryly.
“You don’t truly believe that, do you?”
I shrugged. “Yes and no. I know that he went through the same trauma. It’s just hard to remember sometimes when he lives thisLeave it to Beaverlife.”
“Have you talked to him about your mom and how you feel about everything?”
“Oh, hell no. It’s like this unspoken thing in our family.”
“Maybe you should talk to him about it. I bet he would be happy to talk to you since she was his mom, too.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I fiddled with the hem of the blanket and ran the material through my fingers. Knox rubbed my foot, giving it a squeeze.
“You’ll get there one day. You’re determined, and if you want something, you get it.”
By midway throughChristmas Vacation, my stomach muscles ached from laughing so hard. Between the shenanigans of the movie and listening to Knox quote every other line, I could hardly breathe between fits of laughter. I thought I was going to pee my pants when Knox exclaimed, “Grace? She died thirty years ago!” with Aunt Bethany.
Once the movie was over, Knox got up to make us more hot chocolate. Eugene trotted to the door, whining, so I got up to let him out. He shot out the door, peed in the nearest corner of the yard, and jetted back inside.
“That’s how I know it’s cold out there. That dog loves snow and being outside, so if he doesn't even want to be out there in it, that means it’s bad,” Knox said from the stovetop as he heated the milk.
“That’s because he’s a smart boy. Aren’t you?” I squatted to wipe Eugene’s paws off with a towel so he didn’t track in any snow.
“He really is. It was weird not having him sleeping next to me last night.”
“He was the best little cuddle buddy.” I scratched behind Eugene’s ear, and he gave me a lick on my cheek before darting back to the couch.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom and then I’ll be ready,” Knox said, exiting the kitchen.
I checked the milk and finished making the hot chocolate, adding a few marshmallows to each mug before taking them to the coffee table. I settled back into my corner of the couch, stretching out to rub Eugene’s back with my foot.
Knox walked back in, surveying the couch and the distinct lack of room on it.
“Wow. So first you took my bed last night, and now you’re claiming my couch, huh?” he jokingly griped, tickling me on my ribs.
“You put me in your bed, you big goon.” I tried to tickle him back and accidentally jammed my fingers into his side.
“Ouch!” He rubbed his side. “You’re going to pay for that,” he laughed.
“Oh yeah?” I giggled, trying to reach up and tickle him while keeping one hand in front of my stomach so he couldn’t retaliate.
“Yeah, you are. I’m much stronger than you.” He kicked one leg over and straddled me, our faces only inches apart, and grabbed my arms and held them over my head with one hand. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be turned on; having him confine me like this was sexy. My mind immediately flashed back to my fantasy about him tying my hands up. For some reason, this was so much better and had me wanting much more.
