I huffed a breath through my nose and reached up to brush away one last tear from her cheek with the back of my hand. “My parents died in a car crash. It was snowing and they hit a patch of black ice. For a long time, I couldn’t get into a carwithout having a panic attack. Leroy and Isobel eventually got me in to see the best therapist they could find. I saw her weekly for about eight years. She taught me how to manage my anxiety and bring myself down from a panic attack. It’s been probably close to seven years since I had one, but I’ve never forgotten the grounding techniques she taught me.” I ran my hand over the back of my neck, shrugging my shoulders. “I guessed that some of them would work for you, too.”
Birdie stilled, surveying my face. “Knox, you contain multitudes,” she whispered, her voice still hoarse from crying.
My heart tightened.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, bringing me back to Earth. I glanced at my watch. “We should probably get back to the group,” I said, standing and brushing off my jeans. I reached down to help Birdie to her feet. “Are you okay to go back out there? I can make an excuse for you if it’s too much.”
Birdie shook her head, straightening her hat and coat and wiping her face one last time. “No, I can do it. If I need to, I’ll just remember: five things I can see, four things I can touch, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste.” She smiled at me.
I smiled back. “Atta girl,” I said, gesturing for her to lead the way out of the barn.
She stopped as we neared the door, the water bottle still in her hand. “Do you need a sip before we go back out there?” she asked, offering me the bottle.
I grimaced. “No thanks, sparkling water is not my thing.”
Birdie threw her head back, a laugh shaking her body. “Oh my God, of course you would fucking have opinions onwater,” she teased, shoving me lightly.
“What can I say?” I said, shrugging my shoulders with a sheepish grin. “It’s the worst part of living in Europe: the popularity of sparkling water.”
Birdie finished the rest of the water and tossed the bottle into the recycling bin by the door, shaking her head and chuckling to herself as she exited the barn. I followed her back to the group, steadying myself as my mind reeled from the flurry of emotions overtaking me.Take a deep breath, Knox. You can do this. Five things you can see…
“Ladies! I am so excited to have you here! Chef Alex has been gracious enough to lend us use of his kitchen today. We will be preparing a few of my favorite treats for the employees’ Christmas baskets. Following that, we will go to the Godric State Room so you can meet the heads of staff and mingle with them,” Queen Isobel said to the group as we walked into the palace’s industrial kitchen. “I have laid out aprons for each of you on the counter there. And you can wash your hands at the sinks against the wall.”
We approached the massive stone island that ran almost the entire length of the room, separating the kitchen into two areas, one for cooking and the other for prep. Copper pots and pans hung from brass hooks above the cooktops, and dozens of stainless steel and copper bowls lined the shelves on the opposite wall. I knew several chefs who would drool over this entire kitchen: only the best for the Courtwright family.
I turned the hot water on and started to scrub my hands with the velvet suds that smelled of honey and cherries.
“Do you have any experience with baking?” I asked Mel, who was washing her hands to my left.
“Absolutely none.” She laughed. “I grew up in a manor in the country and we had at least two dozen staff.”
“Oh, yeah. I totally get that,” I sarcastically replied.
Mel jokingly rolled her eyes and asked, “What about you? Do you bake?”
“I grew up in a family where we were barely able to make ends meet. We ate canned foods and occasionally had fresh produce that didn’t need to be thawed or microwaved. I know how to set the microwave timer or order a croissant from my favorite bakery in the city. The only thing I reliably know how to bake is brownies, thanks to my grandmother.”
“I’m glad we’re in this together, then.”
We walked back to the group and located our aprons. I was glad I had been able to talk Bronson into letting me wear jeans. He was so insistent that I dress to the nines for every outing, but one mention that the very expensive clothes might get dirty from all the flour and butter and he gladly retreated and agreed that my own jeans were the ideal choice.
Sliding my apron over my neck and tying it behind my back, I got into the line forming against the counter in front of Queen Isobel.
“Okay, ladies.” Isobel clapped her hands together. “We have a few different baking stations set up around the kitchen, and I’ve printed off some recipe cards that you will find at each.” She waved her hand around the kitchen, indicating the stations. “This tradition is very near and dear to my heart. I love to bake but more importantly, I love my staff. They are a part of our family, helping us run this country. If I had to solely focus on the laundry, house chores, preparing meals for my children and such, I would be in over my head.” She ran her hands down the front of her apron, a nervous tick that I hadstarted to pick up on. “I know that is a very privileged thing to say, and it’s truly a privilege to have a palace full of staff, which is why I try to show them some extra appreciation during the holidays.”
She wiped a stray tear from her left eye and cleared the emotion from her throat. “Feel free to work together, and please do your best. We want to show the staff how much we love them and appreciate everything they do for us.”
I quickly perused the baking stations, glancing over the different recipe cards. Cranberry walnut bread, Linzer cookies, almond crescent cookies, and gingerbread cake were all on the roster for the day. I spotted Adelaide and Mel by the back wall gathering bowls and measuring cups and made a beeline for them.
“Hi,” I whispered, leaning in close. “What are y’all baking?”
Mellie inclined her head toward Adelaide. “Well, this one knows how to bake, so I think one of us needs to pair up with her and the other one should buddy up with Cora. You know she’ll be in her element today.”
I glanced over to where Cora was already measuring out flour and sugar for the Linzer cookies.
I nodded. “Excellent thinking. I’ll pair up with Cora. Snag the station next to us and make the almond crescents.”
Adelaide laughed. “You’d think we were about to step into the Hunger Games arena, the way you two are planning your survival here.”
