Not really.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I avoided making eye contact with him. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Birdie could do whatever she wanted. What I wanted didn’t matter here.
“Well, it looked like you guys were hitting it off.”
Yeah, I thought we were, too.
“So did you guys,” I quipped back. “There’s nothing going on between us; I don’t care if she comes. Do you like her?” His answer was important; if he genuinely liked her, I would tamp down my own feelings and let him have his chance at happiness with her.
“I wouldn’t mind getting to know her a little better. It would be fun to have someone else who we don’t know. Maybe it would be a good idea to have someone from America in the contest. Maybe that's what the country needs?”
I thought she might be whatIneeded.
“Great. Then it sounds like she’s coming to Wexstone,” I said coolly. I turned and stalked back to the group, eyeing Birdie and Sam, their heads together as they whispered to eachother excitedly. I reminded myself to push my feelings down. Protecting and supporting my future king was more important; it was what I would always do.
I stared out the window at the white, puffy clouds that floated by as the jet speared through them on its way to Wexstone. I couldn’t believe that a week ago I was living a normal—perhaps even mundane, but pleasant—life in the city, and now I was on my way to participate in a royal love contest fashioned after one of TV’s most ridiculous reality shows.
I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.
I was still unsure how I felt about the contest at all. It seemed like a disservice to the country, but somehow I had found myself packing my things, using the ticket Vince had bought, and boarding the plane anyway. All while catching myself thinking back to the kiss I’d had with Knox in the closet and wondering if this is what I should really be doing.
Sam and I had packed my belongings into a storage pod earlier in the week and she had hugged me goodbye, promising to visit before the contest ended in December.
I sighed, settling back into my seat. My mind floated backover the hardest part of the previous week: Telling my brother about this little adventure.
Connor was eighteen months younger than me, but he may as well have been a decade older, given how together his life was. He and his wife Colleen were college sweethearts who got married almost immediately after graduating and wasted no time starting a family. They already owned their own home out in Oregon where they lived with my three-year-old niece Eleanor and their golden retriever Scout. They belonged on a fucking postcard.
As much as I loved teasing Connor about his Norman Rockwell life, he was a great dad and loved the holidays, so telling him that I would be missing ThanksgivingandChristmas had given me a knot in my stomach. While we didn’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, we video chatted at least once a month and always spent the holidays together. I knew he wasn’t going to take this lightly.
“You’re doingwhat?!” he had exclaimed when I got him on a video call two days after meeting Prince Oliver. “You know how insane this sounds, right? No fucking way.”
“Connor,” I heard Colleen gently chide from off screen. I said a silent word of thanks for my sister-in-law. She was the only one who could successfully diffuse our sibling arguments. She appeared just behind Connor. “Birdie is a grown woman and can make her own decisions.”
“Yeah, but she doesn’t usually makeabsolutely insane decisions.”
“Hey, you’re the one who keeps pressuring me to find a guy and settle down and live the American dream. Maybe the prince will be my love match and you can get after me about something else.” I wasn’t sure I believed it even as I said it, but I loved nothing more than getting the last word with my brother.
Prince Oliver was great; there was no refuting that. He was handsome and polite and a great conversationalist. And I couldn’t deny that I’d had a great time dancing with him at the club. I was sure he would be a wonderful husband and partner—but the jury was still out on whether he would be the right husband and partner forme. At least I could enjoy the adventure in the meantime.
Connor drew a breath to speak, but Colleen set her hand on his shoulder and gave him a sharp look. He sighed. “Fine. But this is the first year that Ellie understands what’s happening with the holidays, so you have to promise me that we’ll celebrate over a video call.”
A knife of guilt twisted my gut. I loved that little girl more than anything and would never want to disappoint her. “Of course. Tell her I promise we’ll still make our handprint turkeys for Thanksgiving, even if it’s from a distance.”
The flight attendant worked her way down the aisle, bringing me back to the present. My eyes felt heavy, so I popped in my earbuds, started up my favorite plane album by Mumford & Sons, reclined my comfy first-class seat, and promptly fell asleep.
The next thing I knew, the attendant was waking me up, asking me to put my seat forward in preparation for landing.
I hadn’t realized just how nervous I was until I looked out the tiny window at the snow-covered mountains of Wexstone.
Why are you nervous?I asked myself.You’re here to have fun on a once-in-a-lifetime experience and get a stamp on your passport. It doesn’t have to be anything more than that. Chill out.
But the butterflies in my stomach refused to settle as the plane touched down and made its way to the gate.
As exited the plane, I couldn’t shake the feeling that eyes were on me. Even though I couldn’t spot anyone outright watching me, I was reminded that I was sure to be underscrutiny as this country dissected every last inch of me. The thought did nothing to settle my nerves.
Carry-on and passport in hand, I cleared immigration, grabbed my two checked bags, and headed to customs. I was still lost in my thoughts as I sent my suitcases through the scanner when I heard a customs officer say, “Miss? Miss, can you step this way, please?”
I looked up, startled to realize he was speaking to me. What in the hell could have flagged their attention? I had breezed through TSA PreCheck at JFK.
