I had wanted that with Birdie. I had been doing pretty well the last couple of days with not letting my mind go to those thoughts, especially after a session with Dr. Sanchez, but with the Christmas classics playing on Jordan’s vintage record player and River snuggled up in my lap with her wild curls tickling my nose, it was hard to push those intrusive thoughts away.
“Lunch is ready!” Dahlia called from the kitchen, and everyone bounded there and filled their plates in a buffet-style line.
After we were done eating and Eugene had made his rounds cleaning up the food the kids had “accidentally” dropped onto the floor, we went back into the living room, and I started handing out presents.
“I’m so excited to see what ornaments you made this year,” Dahlia said as I handed her a gift bag.
“I’m excited to see what books he got me!” Archer said.
“Wow. Am I that predictable in my gift giving?” I gave a half laugh.
The presents were handed out and mayhem ensued with wrapping paper and bags being tossed left and right as the kids tore into their presents.
“Oh my gosh, these are beautiful,” Dahlia whispered as she unwrapped the ornaments I had carved for her. I had spenttwo weeks in October in my woodshop carving Dahlia’s family into ornaments, making sure I got every facial detail correct.
“Let me see,” Jordan said, and Dahlia handed over the ornaments.
“Wow. Knox! These are amazing.”
“Thank you.” I smiled my first genuine smile in days.
“Auntie D, look!” Archer yelled, bringing Dahlia and Jordan out of their haze of joy. Archer held up two books from the World Book Encyclopedia set I had found and shipped back from New York a few months ago. “These are amazing!”
Dahlia looked over to me. Her eyes brimmed with tears, and one slid down her cheek. She set her hand over mine and gave a half smile.
“Thank you, Knox. You do so much for us, and I will never be able to thank you enough.”
“And you don’t need to. This is what family does.”
After another hour of excitement and playing, the girls had fallen asleep for their afternoon nap as Archer laid under the tree next to Eugene, reading his new books. The alarm on my phone chimed, letting me know that it was time for me to leave so I could get back to the palace for Christmas Eve dinner.
Eugene and I returned to my little cottage and then started our trek through the snow-covered garden to the palace. Eugene trotted through drift after drift, covering himself in snow.Isobel will love that, I thought sarcastically.
I stopped a few yards outside the palace and looked up at it, taking in the huge exterior of the building. I had grown up there, with it being the heart of some of my earliest memories. It had always felt like home, a safe place. But right then, with pieces of me chipped away, it was hard to want to be there when it was also the center of so many memories with Birdie.
As badly as I wanted to take a vacation and get away fromeverything for a little while, I knew that I couldn’t. My family needed me. And even though Dr. Sanchez’s words came to mind about doing things for myself and not just giving myself completely over to the family, I still couldn’t just leave right then.
I also had to think about Oliver’s offer to be his Chief Counselor. Was it what I wanted? I had given so much of myself to the country already, even if they didn’t know it. Could I give more of myself and be happy? In truth, happiness was the furthest thing from my mind in that moment. I knew that I would be okay again one day, but that day seemed so far away.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, alerting me to a text message.
Oliver
You on your way yet?
Yeah. Walking up right now.
Ok. Meet me in my office.
Eugene and I wound our way through the palace and up the stairs. When we hit the landing, Eugene took off in a sprint toward Oliver’s office door. At first, I just thought he had the zoomies, but when he started sniffing the door and scratching at it, my hackles raised. Afraid something was wrong, I hurried to the door and didn’t even knock.
“Oliver?” I said as I opened the door and stopped dead in my tracks. A beautiful chestnut-haired woman leaned against the desk and looked across the room at me with those big hazel eyes.
“Hi.” She gave a soft, tentative smile.
I knew I should say something, anything. Ask her what she was doing here. Ask her why she’d left. Ask her what she wasthinking. But while my brain was working overtime, my mouth wasn’t working at all.
Eugene barked happily and ran to her, weaving through her legs like an oversized cat and rubbing himself against her. She leaned down and scratched his favorite spot behind his ears.
