A wave of cold washed over her. He did what? And Marcus was too scared to say anything?
How could she have missed how far her husband had sunk? What type of mom was she? She’d tried to be everything they needed but she could only do so much. Doing it all made her so tired.She’d missed this huge thing, and she really wished Maynard was right in front of her this minute.
“Rachel, are you okay? Stone and I assured Marcus you all were safe,” Gunner said softly.
“I’m not okay. I want to chase him down and beat him until he can’t threaten my kids ever again. I just am so angry I feel like I’m going to explode,” Rachel said through gritted teeth.
Her fingers itched to grasp Maynard’s neck and teach him to never, ever hurt her children again.
“We need to test out the smash room at Broken Hearts. How about I take you there and you can break some stuff?” Gunner asked.
Rachel nodded. Yes, she needed to break something, or she’d never get all this anger out. She let Gunner lead her back toward the clubhouse. It was a blur as Gunner got her a heavy jacket and helmet for his bike. She wrapped her hands around his waist as he took them back into town. He’d even taken care of letting Bear and Winnie know where they were going.
Why had she not realized something else was going on before her little man was threatened bysomeone? Someone who should be doing everything they could to keep him safe. How did she repair what her husband had broken? Was it even possible?
How did she get past this? She’d already felt bad about not seeking a divorce earlier. How could she ever forgive herself?
Gunner’s voice asking her if she was ready to get off his bike pulled her from her downward spiral. He unlocked the door and led her in.
He’d mentioned the room, but he hadn’t gone over procedures. He talked her through taking off the jacket and sliding the large coveralls over her clothes. She tucked her shoes in the cubby against the wall, slipping on the ones provided along with the shoe covers. Her ensemble was completed by sliding the hood over her hair and putting on the protective glasses and gloves.
Once Gunner had helped her, he quickly slipped on his protective gear. Leading her through the door, he grabbed an old large television, setting it on the cement table in the middle of the room. He stared at her for a minute beforegoing to a pile of items and picking out a large computer console. Setting it beside the TV, he went back over to the pile. He placed a large metal plant holder that had a hole rusted in the bottom.
He led her over to the wall where she could pick out what tools she wanted. She wanted to destroy stuff, but she wasn’t a big girl. She didn’t lift weights. She picked out a big mallet and swung it back and forth. Not too heavy for her. She grabbed a crowbar and walked over to the tables and turned back toward Gunner. He gave her a thumbs-up and pressed the buttons on the wall, turning the music on.
She stared at the items for a minute, trying to decide where to start. She breathed deeply and just let out all the rage she felt for the man she’d married and entrusted with their children.
The actions became a blur as she destroyed the ones on the table. Once the items were decimated, Gunner would make sure she wasn’t swinging again and would replace them.
She lost track of the number of times he replaced the items. Finally, after she’d expended allthe anger, she let go of the crowbar. The clang as it hit the floor was loud, even over the music. She dropped to the floor and let the tears she’d been holding back come.
Each time he’d broken her trust or her kids had to do without as she rebuilt their life, she’d pushed aside her feelings to just make it through. Gunner wrapped his arms around her and let her cry against him. He didn’t try to tell her it would be better or that it wasn’t her fault. He held her while she cried and let all those emotions out.
Rachel wasn’t a pretty crier, and when she went to wipe her nose with her sleeve, Gunner stopped her.
“We’re covered in glass. A little snot isn’t going to bother me. Get the tears out, and then we’ll get cleaned up,” he said.
She turned to stare at him through her protective glasses that had fogged during her crying. No one had ever cared for her when she cried. Gunner was protective and was more worried about her hurting herself than about the snot running down her face.
“Why?” she asked.
“Why what?” he replied.
“Why are you helping me?” she asked.
He smiled, his teeth white against his tan skin and his beard.
“Friggin’ fudgesicles,” Gunner grunted, turning his head to stare at the ceiling. He turned back to her, shaking his head and smiling at her.
“I know you’re probably not ready to hear this, but I can’t start this by lying to you. When you opened that van door and I caught a glimpse of you, something happened. It was like that part of my life that was missing was there in front of me. And then, when I saw the kids, I was worried you were married and in love with someone else. My heart started to beat again when I realized you could be mine, and this is, like, the worst time to bring it up. But you mean too much to me to start us off with a lie,” Gunner said.
What exactly was he saying? He wanted to have sex, or he wanted more? She wasn’t sure, but the emotions swirling through her had her feeling adrift.
“Hey, I see your eyes looking at me with disbelief. You don’t need to respond to anything I said. We’re still co-workers and, I hope, friends. I can wait until you’re ready for something more, but for now, I need you to know that I will do whatever it takes to ensure your safety and that of your children,” Gunner said.
Rachel let him help her up and then out of the room, where they changed out of the protective clothing, putting it in a barrel to be cleaned later. Gunner flipped the light off. As she followed him out, she tugged his hand. She couldn’t just say nothing. It was rude, and even though she was falling apart, she couldn’t do that to him.
“I heard what you said. I appreciate you sharing that with me and not lying to me. It means the world to me. In the last four days, I’ve packed up my life, moved to a new place, and the kids start school tomorrow. I’m just not ready to respond because I feel like if I have to deal with one more thing, I’ll break into a million pieces. I just need to get through a couple things and hold everything together,” Rachel said.
