“He’s not just good, he’s amazing. He wants to buy us a house. I love him but I don’t think I can go back unless I tell him everything. It wasn’t right that I was hiding what happened. My past as well as my problems with Spencer.”
“That’s fair,” said Catarina, “If you’re going to expect that Isaac should tell you everything, you should do the same.”
“How do people do that? Just open up and trust?” It was something that Anna had always found difficult. Without her grandmother, she’d had no one. Until Isaac.
“When it’s the right person, you just do. Take a leap of faith,” said Catarina. “You two seem great together and he’s completely besotted with you. But, ask yourself one thing. Could you live without him and be okay? Is he your person?”
Anna didn’t answer. Life without Isaac would be bleak and lonely. “I have to be brave and talk to him. How do I tell him about everything and not wreck his race day after tomorrow?” Anna spun her ring in the dark.
Catarina made a snorting sound. “That’s rubbish. Do you think he’ll be at his best if you aren’t speaking?”
Anna didn’t answer. Her friend was right. Her grandmother would have told her to march downstairs and make up with Isaac.
“My advice? Pull up your socks, girl, and go tell him everything.”
“Thank you for listening,” said Anna.
“That’s what friends do.” Catarina yawned again. “I’m going to get some sleep, and you should too. Talk to Isaac in the morning.” Her breathing changed into deep, even breaths as she fell asleep.
Anna lay staring into the darkened hotel room while Catarina slept, and the night stretched onward. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, and her head ached from too many tears recently. She didn’t want to wait until morning.
She didn’t want to lose Isaac over this and let Spencer ruin what she’d built for her life. If it hadn’t been for Isaac and Catarina, she wouldn’t have anyone. They were good people, and her life was better for her first gamble, that of coming to Spain. She needed to keep going, be strong, and talk to Isaac.
Gathering her courage, she slipped out of bed and collected her bag. She used the blue glow of the digital clock, which read 2:15 a.m., to scribble“Thanks,”on the hotel stationery by her bedside lamp and tiptoed out the door, her shoes in hand.
The hotel was quiet at this hour and her footfalls were silent on the blue and white carpet. The halls were bright after the dark room, and she blinked several times while her eyes adjusted. Not wanting to chance another unwanted encounter on the elevator, she opened the door to the stairwell and listened. Inside was dead quiet. She trotted up the two flights of stairs, her steps echoing, and exited on the eleventh floor.
Anna stopped at the door to her hotel room, almost losing her courage. Isaac was probably sleeping. She turned, about toleave, then caught herself. She was still making excuses to keep people at a distance. It had to stop.
She swiped her room card and eased the door open. She closed it behind her, taking pains to remain silent so she didn’t startle him. For all her care, Isaac sat bolt upright as she neared the bed. Maybe he’d been having trouble sleeping too.
“Anna?” His voice was tired and scratchy.
“Yes.” She’d come to talk, but her feet seemed fastened to the floor. What was she waiting for? Isaac clicked on his bedside lamp, flooding the room in an ivory glow. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry. Should I come back another time?”
“Please stay. I’m so sorry, Mi Corazon.”
She sat on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath, before settling beside Isaac. “I’m sorry I yelled. I was so upset I couldn’t think straight. I lashed out at you, even though you didn’t deserve it. By the time I ran, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was already melting down.”
“I know. It was difficult to see you like that, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”
His words helped her overcome her worry that she’d ruined things between them. “I needed time to think.” She chewed on her lower lip. “You were right. I’ve been keeping difficult things from you too. I’m sorry.”
He scooted closer. “Don’t be sorry about needing time. Unless you’ve come to break up with me.” He swallowed when she didn’t say anything. “Have you come to tell me it’s over?” His voice broke.
She shook her head. Her mouth felt like it was filled with sand, making it hard to speak. “Never. But I have things to say too. Please don’t interrupt because if I stop, I might chicken out again. I didn’t tell you because I was scared to talk about what happened. I wanted to pretend it didn’t happen.” She waited for his nod of acknowledgement.
He took her hand, lacing his fingers into hers, giving her a dose of courage.
She took another breath. “Spencer has been scaring me since the spring. Threatening me. Propositioning me. In Germany, he clamped his hand around my throat and choked me. I should have told you. I should have asked for your help.” A hot wave of guilt swept over her.
“Why didn’t you?” Isaac’s voice was soft. “Why were you so scared to tell me?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, picking at the quilt instead of looking at him.
“I think you know.” His voice was calm and steadying. He slid forward and took her other hand, his touch gentle, making her feel precious.
“I’m not worth making a fuss over.” It wasn’t much more than a whisper, but it was the truth and one of her biggest fears.
