Her words stayed with him the rest of the morning, and Isaac struggled to be present for his brother. Agonizing thoughts of Anna and Spencer and how to handle the situation still swirled in his head. A phone call to Australia wouldn’t mean much. He had to confront the jerk in person as soon as they arrived in Finland and force him to stop his harassment. It was unacceptable.
“I’m going for a run. You okay for a bit?” Running would clear Isaac’s head and give him a respite from his busy thoughts.
Vince nodded, his mouth down-turned the way it had been since the accident. “Hey. I’ve been meaning to ask. Did you and Anna have a fight? Is that why she left? I’m here if you need to talk.”
It was kind of him to ask.
“Nope. She just wanted to get away for a bit and focus on her writing. When I talked to her a couple of days ago, she mentioned that she’s been productive there.” That had been yesterday or the day before? No, it had been three days. He owed her several messages and a call.
“The story she’s writing sounds interesting,” said Vince. “Has she talked to you about it much?”
“Some,” said Isaac. “She doesn’t say much because she doesn’t want to spoil it for me when I read it. I plan to as soon as she says it’s ready.”
“I’m glad you found someone smart and talented. Someone with passion,” said Vince. “You were right from the start. She’s perfect for you. I’m sorry I was an ass and didn’t see it immediately.”
“I told you she was amazing,” said Isaac with a smile. His Anna was one-of-a-kind.
“So, really, why are you here?” Vince tugged his ear. “You should be in Portugal.”
“You need me,” said Isaac. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.” As soon as the words left his mouth, they felt like only partial truth. He also wanted to be with Anna. He had trouble sleeping without her. His bed had been cold, and her positive vibe had uplifted everyone in the house, though he’d only noticed after she’d gone.
“Other than out for a run.” Vince gave him the first hint of a smile since they’d returned. “And maybe with your girlfriend on a beach holiday. But other than that.” He shrugged. “It isn’t like before you know. I’m recovering. There’s an end in sight.” He grinned. “No pun intended.”
Vince seemed to be telling the truth. It hit Isaac like a gut punch. Thiswasdifferent.
“Right.” He checked his runners were double-knotted. “Back in an hour and a half.”
Isaac went for a long run, working up a good, hard sweat as he tried to empty his mind. It didn’t work but provided some much-needed clarity as he tried to figure out what to do with the snarl in his life. Maybe he should look for his own place to live—somewhere to buy, not rent. He’d stay with Vince while he was needed, but that wouldn’t be much longer. If he was honest, Vince didn’t need him all the time now. He would be fine if Isaac left. His brother might get bored, but since when did that cause irreparable damage? He needed help with driving and errands, but there was no reason their mom couldn’t help.
Isaac didn’t want to get Anna’s hopes up about having a home because he didn’t know how long it would take. Until he could surprise her with a house, he would keep this plan to himself. He would make sure there was office space for her, one with windows overlooking the beautiful Spanish countryside and a door that locked. He would show her she was special and that he respected her need for a place to call her own.
Bounding up the stairs after his run, searching for a pen to make a list of what he planned to deal with, he came across his forgotten therapy journal. He’d shoved it in the drawer to hide it from Vince last spring. He hadn’t made an appointment in months, nor had he recorded many of his thoughts. Turning the small blue notebook over in his hands, he opened it to the second page and read what he’d written in March, the day he’d met Anna.
‘I love Vince and cherish these years we’ve had together. Training and traveling the world, from racetrack to racetrack. He’s my best friend. But when we stop, he’ll still be the brightest star in motorcycle racing history. What will I be? Vince Vasquez’s little brother. I need to find out what else I can be. I want more. There has to be more to life than living for my brother.’
His written words hit him hard. He’d wanted to find out who he was without his brother and had made strides toward that, but he wasn’t done. Coming back here after the accident, he’d backslid, giving up what made him happy. He’d fallen into his old role as supporter and wingman without a life for himself.
Anna was one piece of reorganizing his life. Buying his own home would be a second. The third was to act on what he’d decided about next year. He would tell Anna in person as soon as he joined her and discuss it with others later. Riding back with the race marshal after Vince’s accident, he’d reached a final decision. He’d finish out this year and retire.
Isaac had set out hoping to win a race, and at last, he had. His racing bucket list was complete, and he didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. What if he’d been the one lying in a hospital bed with broken bones? He’d avoided thoughts like that for his entire career, but it was time to face the facts. Racing was dangerous.
Though Isaac hadn’t been willing to admit it, living with the fear and uncertainty was too much to ask of a long-term partner. It couldn’t be easy to be married to a motorcycle racer, always afraid that the next accident would be devastating. He’d never had a serious injury, and he should quit while he was ahead. Luck wouldn’t always be on his side.
He wouldn’t tell anyone else yet, except Angel and LCR Honda, who needed to know. He owed them time to make arrangements with a new rider as a replacement next year. They wouldn’t be able to keep his decision from the press forever, but even a month would give him time to break it to Vince. No matter the eventual outcome of Vince’s recovery or the championship, Isaac was done. He flipped the journal to the next page and wrote the date before scrawling a brief paragraph.
“I’ve defied the odds too many times and Vince’s accident opened my eyes. I won’t be able to have a family and spend my life with Anna if I throw it away on the track. There is more to life than racing.”
As he read the page, the decision seemed more real.
When he went downstairs to cook dinner, he left the journal on the desk. He would keep writing and working on himself. He owed it to himself.
Isaac hadn’t felt this way about racing when he was younger—life at the track had been all-encompassing and all-consuming. He enjoyed riding fast, and he liked to win. It had been simple. He couldn’t quite remember when that had changed, but it probably had a lot to do with his father dying and being unableto make plans for the future. He took out his phone and studied the lock screen photo.
He and Anna had taken a selfie, pressed cheek-to-cheek, grinning. He longed to drop everything and go to her, but that would have to wait. He still had responsibilities, and it was difficult to put himself first, but he was trying. He needed a few more days to get everything in order.
...
It was one thing for Isaac to decide to put himself first, another to put it into practice. He took longer runs and increased his conditioning on his road bike. Just because Vince couldn’t train yet, didn’t mean he should let himself go. He wrote in his journal daily, forcing himself to write his thoughts instead of tamping them down to ignore.
