Fragility.
She had been crying.
Chapter Three
? Holly ?
Summer passed in a blur of heat, sweat, and the kind of silence that sticks to your skin. I made a point of stopping in at Laverne’s as often as I could. Partly for the pie. Mostly for Maria. Unfortunately, Maria made a point of avoiding me. And she never did text. I understood, even if it was maddening. Sometimes when you’re so lost in the dark, you forget to look around for a light switch.
My mom slowly turned our new place into a home. She didn’t say she missed the ocean, but she left the blue wingbacks untouched and bought throw pillows the exact shade of sea glass. Dad filled the shelves with lighthouse figurines, one after another, until the house looked like it was waiting for a shore that would never come. Dad developed an obsession with lighthouse figurines. You can take the family out of Cali, but you can’t take the Cali out of the family.
Every now and then, I would wake up in a cold sweat, my parents rushing into my room, my screams having shattered the peaceful Southern night. When I was awake, I could avoid the past for the most part—I had become really good at shoving everything down. But nothing, literally nothing, could erase what had happened. Sometimes, I could still smell his fucking cologne. Little things like that. Dad had to stop wearing any cologne at all. I hated that he had to do that all ’cause I couldn’t get a grip on myself.
As school loomed closer, I let Mom drag me shopping. And I surprised even myself when I ended up with bags full of color. Enough was enough, I told myself. Besides, that black hoodie I had lived in was entirely too warm for this climate.
One night, about two months before school was set to start, we were all sat at the ridiculously large dining room table. Why we needed a table for ten, I had no idea. I had just taken a bite of chicken when I looked up to find my mom watching me expectantly.
“What?”
“It’s almost time for school!”
“Yeah?”
She glanced at my dad, who was intent on his green beans. “A new school, in a new place! Isn’t that exciting?”
I blinked at her. I was completely starting over as a freaking senior, where friendships were already formed, plans already made. And I was about to be thrown in the middle like a blonde wrench. “Sure, Mom. Super exciting.” Her smile dropped briefly at my lack of enthusiasm, but she plastered it back in place with practiced ease. She reached into a bag she had at her feet that I hadn’t noticed. I froze when she laid out three shiny brochures. Private schools.
No fucking way.
“I’ve picked out three! You would do so well at Brendwylle. It’s all girls, and I’ve already talked to the dean. Did you know-”
“You cannot actually be serious.” She stared at me, frozen mid-sentence. I glanced at my dad. “Tell me she’s not freaking serious?”
“Bug, just let your mom tell you about them. It may surprise you!”
I stood, my chair making an ugly sound on the wooden floor. “A freaking private school? Yeah, that sounds great. Let’s just pretend like nothing has changed. I’m just some girl. Somebubble head whose biggest problem is whether I have the latest tech or designer handbag.”
The sheer thought of being surrounded by all that…all thatfakemade me sick. I ran my hands through my hair. I couldn’t do it. No way. Private school? I had been to private school. Grew up in private school. Methimin private school. I had been the girl with the crown. The popular girl. And no one had seen me falling apart—because no one gave a damn beyond how I looked. What my grades were. What competition I had just won.
My dad stood too, making his way over to me. When he reached for me, I jerked away. I didn’t want to be touched right now. My mom still sat at the table, those damn brochures spread out before her like a trap. Dad glanced at her, then back at me. “What would you have us do, bug?”
I forced myself to pause, to anchor myself.In the now. Live in the now.With effort, I looked up at him. Striving to keep my voice steady, I met his eyes. “Public school. I just want to finish this last year in public school.”
“Public school?!” My mother’s voice was a screech of disbelief. “Holly, honey. I know you’ve been through a lot, but public school? You’ve never been in public school.” Every time she said “public school”, she might as well have been saying something like “mass murder.” Her eye even started twitching, and she pressed a carefully manicured nail to the muscle jumping there.
“Yes, Mother. Public school.”
“Are you sure, bug?”
I looked back at my dad. He had always been fair, and he loved me fiercely. Even I could acknowledge that the man spoiled me rotten. I was his only child, after all. But he was also a doctor, and he had a clinical approach. I knew he would listen to my side, without letting emotion play a part, unlike my mother, who appeared to be having a midlife crisis. “Yes, Daddy. I can’tbe surrounded by a bunch of girls who are just like the me… the me before. Before everything. I just can’t.”
He seemed to consider this, sitting back down at the table. For a minute, the room was quiet. My mom reached for his hand, and he intertwined his fingers with hers before squeezing them gently. “David?”
“Hush, Ruth, honey. It’s just one year. If she wants to go to public school, I don’t see why not.” He smiled gently at me. “If that’s what you want, I will see about getting you enrolled. Now, would you please sit? I would like to finish dinner.”
My heart was starting to slow back down, my hands not shaking as much. Mom was tucking those stupid brochures back in the bag. I took my seat, reaching for my water and taking a sip. Guess that was that. Holly McCarthy, straight-A student and Miss Jr High School USA Pageant winner, was going to public school. Go Raiders.
Chapter Four
