The next morning, there was a note taped to my door:He would want us to get through this together. Sorry for yelling.
But I was still alone. That was the problem.
The pills worked until they didn’t. Then I chased them with whatever I could find—caffeine, leftover painkillers, anything to level out the crash.
Maria texted constantly.
Mom called almost every night, except for when I could find an excuse for her to leave me alone. Big test coming up. A headache. Busy. Anything.
Hannah threatened to drag me home if I didn’t bring myself. So, some weekends, I would find myself back there, pretending I was coping while the memories threatened to eat me alive.
Then I would go back to my apartment in Athens. Repeat the cycle. My friends and family were safe in Atlanta. They couldn’t see me unraveling one dose at a time.
Dalton could. And he wouldn’t look away.
He’d stop by uninvited, bringing food I wouldn’t eat, talking until I stopped pretending I didn’t hear him. Sometimes I’d lash out just to make him leave. He never did.
“Why do you care so damn much?” I snapped once.
He met my glare without blinking. “Because he did.”
That shut me up.
The night before finals, everything caved in.
I’d been awake for three days, papers due, heart hammering like it wanted out. My hands
wouldn’t stop shaking. The mirror showed a stranger. Pale, bruised under the eyes, hair
matted.
I swallowed another Adderall. Then half a Xanax to smooth the edge. The math made sense at the time.
When the world started tilting, I tried to sit down. The floor hit back. The tiles were cold. I liked that part. They cooled the fire under my skin. Somewhere far away, my phone was buzzing.
Oh, right.
Maria.
She was coming over for…dinner. Or something.
I blinked at it when it buzzed again. Reached for it. But my arms felt so heavy. And I was so tired. I yawned and curled in on myself. Suddenly, I was very cold. Distantly, I wondered who had turned on the AC. Maria’s name kept lighting up the screen, then it was Dalton’s.
I was half asleep, and then I heard Dalton’s voice outside the bathroom door. I tried to tell him to go away. I was trying to sleep. But the words were like sandpaper on my tongue.
“Holly? Open up.” A pause. Louder. “Holly!”
“Hermana! You need to open this door. Now! Please, open the door!”
Oh, Maria was here. Why was Maria in Athens? I struggled to remember. I could hear them arguing in the hallway, and I wanted to tell them I couldn’t think with all the arguing. Then the crash of wood splintering. Hands on my face. Her voice breaking. Dalton on his knees, pulling me into his lap as Maria grabbed her phone from her purse and cursed when she dropped it. She was crying, and I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I wanted to tell her not to cry. I felt fine. I just wanted to sleep.
Dalton started smacking my cheeks, and I turned my attention back to him. “Hey, come on, breathe, don’t you fucking do this!” He shook me none to gently, and for a second, I could’ve sworn I saw Jackson. Right there. He was right there.
“Is it you?” The words dragged, thick and broken. Dalton’s brow furrowed, but Jackson understood.
He knelt beside me, his hand running down my face. “I’m here, Malibu.”
I tried to smile. Maria was still crying.
