Jeremy stayed on her side of the squabs, but he didn’t attempt to reach for her hand again. “I really am sorry, Anna.”
“I know,” she replied, as she turned her gaze toward the window and watched the grounds drift by on the short journey back to the home that she really did cherish. The sanctuary that, although disturbed, remained her own.
Wandering through the drawing room after the wedding breakfast, Anna began to wonder if the house party guests would ever leave. Some of them were making themselves much more comfortable than she liked, lounging on the armchairs and sofas as if they were in their own homes, ordering servants to fetch this and that as if they were the ones in charge.
They will be gone soon enough, and I will have to adjust once more.
She sighed, trying to decide how feasible it would be to just stay in her rooms indefinitely, using the servants’ stairwell at the end of her hallway whenever she wanted to walk, see the goats, or tend to the gardens. Indeed, shecouldinsist on an entire wing for herself.
“Oh…” she gasped, almost careening into a figure who was equally not looking where they were going.
Beatrice glanced up, her eyes flickering in surprise. “Apologies. I didnae see ye there.”
“That is quite all right. I was in something of a daze myself,” Anna replied with what she hoped was a warm smile. “I did not think you would be attending the festivities. Can I fetch something for you?”
She could have asked one of the servants, but she was desperate for an excuse to leave the ‘celebrations’ for a while. Perhaps for the rest of the evening.
But Beatrice shook her head. “Nay, thank ye. I was just tryin’ to find somethin’ I thought I dropped in here this mornin’. A brooch of mine.” She shook her head. “It doesnae seem to be here, though.”
“Can I help you?”
Beatrice sighed. “Nay, ye cannae.”
She turned as if to leave, giving the impression that she didn’t want to be anywhere near Anna. A not unfamiliar feeling, by now.
Before, Anna had assumed it was because Beatrice was uncomfortable sharing Stonebridge with a remnant of the previous duke, or because she had heard that Anna was not exactly thrilled about being pushed out. Now that shewas technically family, however, Anna couldn’t understand the continued disregard.
“Have I done something to upset you?” Anna asked, her hand reaching out to halt Beatrice. “Is it my behavior with separating the manor into halves? I am sorry for that. You were… not the reason for it.”
Beatrice paused, a pensive expression upon her face. “I ken that, Duchess. Ye were quarrelin’ with Jeremy.” A faint smile lifted her lips. “Sophie enjoyed runnin’ between the blankets. I couldnae blame ye; I told Jeremy that.”
“Oh… well, thank you.” Anna’s voice made it sound like a question, her brow furrowing in confusion.
Did that mean that Beatrice was on her side? It hardly seemed that way, but perhaps the older woman didn’t show her feelings much. Or, perhaps, there were too many other feelings and pains and troubles to contend with, instead of bothering herself with making friends with a dowager duchess, now duchess again.
“I really am… um… sorry about your husband,” Anna said awkwardly. “I can understand that you might not be the greatest enthusiast of weddings, at present. So, if I can do anything to help you and Sophie, please let me know.”
Beatrice shook her head. “I daenae plan to linger. I was just lookin’ for me brooch.” She blew out a breath. “I’m sure it was a fine weddin’, but it’s nae the weddin’ that matters. It’s all that comes after.”
“I do not have much experience of the after part,” Anna admitted with a dry laugh. “Do you have any advice?”
It had been meant in partial jest, but Beatrice paused, searching Anna’s face for a moment, as if only just seeing her. “Aye, well, I’d say that ye should concentrate on enjoyin’ yerself, but I can tell ye’re nae. Ye look sad, lass.”
“I am just… tired, that is all,” Anna said haltingly. “I have not been sleeping well of late.”
Beatrice gave a slow nod. “Aye, I didnae sleep a wink in the days before me weddin’ to Douglas.” A bittersweet smile curved her lips, her eyes shining with memory. “Couldnae wait to be his wife. Mercy, I loved that man. It wasnae a common love; it was the kind that doesnae happen too often, and when it does, ye daenae want to let it go.”
Anna softened. “He must have been a very special man.”
It was the most she had heard Jeremy’s sister-in-law say, and she did not want her to stop, strangely pleased that Beatrice had decided to open up a little to her. A sign of the woman’s coldness thawing.
“He was,” Beatrice murmured, her hand quickly wiping something from her cheek. “But daenae ye make the same mistake as me, lass. Nay matter how much ye think ye might love a man, ye must never give yer heart completely, because when it gets ripped out, there’s nay way to get it back. There’s just a…hollow where it used to be, and a shadow where the light was. It’s just… dark and bleak.”
She tapped her chest as her mouth twisted, her face falling as if she were about to break apart. But a sharp intake of breath later, and Beatrice’s expression returned to the stony blank of before, the shine in her eyes dimming as grief returned.
“Ye remember that,” she mumbled. “Daenae give yer heart, even if it hurts to withhold it. I promise, it’ll hurt less than havin’ it taken from ye.”
Without staying to hear any response that Anna might have, Beatrice hurried off, leaving Anna standing alone.
