"So?" Sage probes, tilting her head. "Spill the beans, you fucking lunatic."
With a deep breath, I close my eyes, steeling myself. Then, like a dam about to burst, I flood her with the chaos of my life. The trials and tribulations of my relationship with Emery. With Quin. The secrets we're forced to keep. I tell her about dinner with Emery'sfamily. About playing the role of the ‘friend’ in public. Lastly, I tell how I've been banished to my condo for the next thirty-six hours and sentenced to solitary confinement.
Once I'm done ranting, Sage's jaw is practically on the ground.
"Ho-ly shit…I can see why you made me sign an NDA."
I offer a weak smile. "Yeah, it's a lot to take in."
Sage nods slowly. "Well, damn. That's...intense." Intense doesn't even begin to cover it. She chews on her bottom lip, intently studying my face before she says, “I’m confused about one thing, though.”
“Yeah?”
Sage’s posture straightens, and I have a feeling the therapist has clocked in. “You said that Emery told you tostayfor dinner, but then you said you feel like you’ve been quote-unquotebanished. How can you be banished if sheliterallyasked you to stay?”
My jaw tightens. “I?—”
“It seems to me that you kind of banished yourself, no?” Her head cocks to the side. “That’s called self-sabotage.”
My gut clenches.
"I don’t…"
“Do you knowwhysome people are prone to self-sabotaging their relationships?”
I sigh. “No, but I assume you’re about to tell me.”
Sage ignores my clipped tone. “Self-sabotage often stems from deep-seated fears and insecurities. It's a way for us to protect ourselves from potential hurt orrejection, even if it means sabotaging our own happiness in the process." Her clinical gaze meets mine. “Have you been hurt before?”
I don’t need to reply. She sees it right away.
She clicks her tongue. “Ouch, that bad, huh?”
“Worse than you can imagine,” I mumble, guilt settling in the pit of my stomach as I hang my head. “I…” My gaze slowly flits toward Sage, my voice raw. “I just want to feel like a priority. Is that too much to ask for?”
“What makes you think you’re not?” she asks. “Based on what you’ve told me, it seems as though Emery loves you and cares about you. Your…relationship isn’t…normal, let’s say. But there arethreeof you. If you want to be someone’s top priority, theironlypriority, then maybe this type of relationship isn’t suited for you.”
Anger bursts inside me. “What are you saying? That I should leave her?! That I should give up? Emery is the one good thing in my life. She’s the reason why I wake up every goddamn day. She’s?—”
“The entire source of your happiness,” she muses, shaking her head in disapproval. “Well, there you go. There’s your problem.”
I glower at her. “My problem?”
“You can’t rely on another person for your own happiness, Damon. That is so unhealthy. And kind of toxic.” She sighs, noticing my confusion. “If every single one of your emotions is dependent on the behavior of another person, you’ll never be your own man. You’ll be like a sad little puppet. Your strings atthe mercy of someone else. And if you think about it, that’s pretty anxiety-inducing, isn’t it?”
“Okay, and what? What am I supposed to do with that?”
Sage leans back on the bench, crossing her arms as she considers her next words carefully. "You need to learn to find happiness within yourself. Emery can't be responsible for your entire emotional well-being.”
I frown, the idea of relying solely on myself for happiness feeling daunting and unfamiliar. "But how do Idothat?"
Sage shrugs. “I don’t know. Find a hobby. Start a business. Do something that’s solely yours. Something that brings you joy.” She fishes out her phone and opens the photo app. She taps on an image and turns the screen toward me. “I make mugs for a living. Sell ‘em on Etsy.” She scrolls through the various images of 3D mugs. Dragonflies. Turtles. A couple of moths. All painted in pastels with flakes of gold and silver embellishments. “Cool, huh?”
I nod slowly.
“What are your hobbies? What do you like to do?” She smirks. “Other than act like a total tool.”
“I paint,” I mumble, barely audible.
