She never did agree to spend time with me next week, but if she does, I’ll take her somewhere out in nature. She seemed right at home there, and judging by the kit on her 4Runner, she probably is. Most people don’t have winches on their vehicles for show.
I clean the chaff filters and stabilize the temps again before running the next batch of green, thinking about Holly the entire time.
She definitely surprised me.
Nine years my junior. Nine. Somehow, it doesn’t bother me, but it probably should. She’s only thirty-two and has so much life ahead of her. Then again, she’s thirty-two, and not a kid fresh out of college. She’s a business owner, a homeowner,and from what little I got out of her at lunch about her past, it sounds like she’s all in on a fresh start.
Something I’d very much like to help her with.
It breaks my heart knowing that both of her parents have passed away. Mine are still happily married, living their best life in rural Montana, doting on my brother and his wife and their kids. I see them all in person at the holidays. Another thing Holly and I have in common, from what she shared. I think I’d like to meet those cousins of hers she grew up with in California. Especially the one who gave her that ‘Happy Hoes’ t-shirt.
I admit, I hadn’t expected that shirt either. It’s funny, though.
“Hey boss,” Truvy says, poking her head into the workshop. “Everything’s cleaned and ready for tomorrow. I’m going to head out.”
I nod, pulling my gaze from the roaster to tell her goodnight. “Thanks, Truvy. Good luck on your test tomorrow.”
“Midterms suck,” she says spiritedly.
I chuckle at that. “True, but you’re ready. You’re going to do great. Be careful on the drive home, yeah?”
“Aye, aye, captain.” She salutes me, grinning, and I laugh at her antics. “I’ll see you Friday.”
“Take care,” I tell her, meaning it.
Truvy’s worked for me for years, even before she started college. That kid is sweet but tough. A hard worker with a kind spirit. She’s one of my best baristas, and someone I absolutely trust to open and close the shop without me.
The realization that we’re past closing time sets in, and I wonder if Holly has already gone home. I glance at the green beans still waiting their turn for roasting, and acknowledge that all the time I spent with Holly today has put me here, working late.
I don’t regret it though.
In fact, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
I pull out my phone and send a quick text to Zander, letting him know I’ve had a change of plans for tonight. We’d kicked around grabbing dinner and working on our motorcycles together, a favorite pastime of ours when we’re not driving them. With the way it still gets dark so early and the work I still have to do here though, I need to push it out.
He pings me back immediately. “All good. See you Saturday?”
I affirm. We’ve got training that morning, and while I’d rather be here at the roastery, available to help Holly if she needs it, this was on my calendar long before she showed up in my life.
Still, I can’t help wanting to be present for her.
I don’t like the way she shut down over tiny things earlier. A movement, a glance, a joke. But I appreciate that she’s self-aware enough to recognize the pattern and own her behavior. That she was willing to talk about it is huge. Mature. I love that.
What I don’t love though, is that she had to at all.
I don’t know all the details, but I can deduce a lot based on her behavior and what little she shared with me today. I hate that she’s ever had people in her life who’vemade her doubt her worth or personal safety. It’s unfair that someone so special should have to endure such pain.
I wish I could make whoever hurt her suffer, but that’s not an option.
What is an option is being there for her now. Giving her space to heal and grow and integrate the lessons borne of the suffering. What matters is that she’s safe now. Whole and uninjured. And I plan to do everything in my power to help her stay that way.
I know in theory that Holly isn’t my responsibility. Hell, we just met this morning. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pull to her, the incessant drive to connect with, provide for, and protect her. There’s something there. She’s definitely it for me. I knew it the moment I first saw her, and I know it now.
Holly and I are meant to be together.
She might not be ready to see it yet, but that deep inner knowing I’ve had from the start isn’t something I’m comfortable ignoring. I want to love her, protect her, and cherish her. To let her know how magnificent she is and help her see it for herself.
Her instincts toward self-protection aren’t wrong. They’ve kept her alive all this time, but there’s more to life than merely existing. I saw flashes of her vibrancy today. Sparks of vitality and joy when she didn’t think anyone was watching. And I look forward to the day she feels safe enough to live like that full out, letting her true self shine like the incredible gem that she is.
