After coming to, my life has been hell. I have been beaten, electrocuted, and had a gag shoved in my mouth while someone cut my clothes from my body. I’ve been tied to a cold, metal chair in nothing but my boxers. I guess I can count that as one minor victory. I don’t know if I could handle it if I was fully naked. I’m only comfortable with my nudity in front of Declan.
I have no idea what day or time it is. I just wait for the torture to stop and the quiet moments when they leave. My feet have lost all feeling. I try to wriggle my toes but can’t tell if they move.
Food and water no longer come. They’re only waiting to kill me. I’ll gladly die if it keeps Declan safe. I’ll regret never telling him I love him, but maybe one day our souls will be reunited in Heaven.
I’ve been left alone for a few minutes. The burly man with his prod has been the one to inflict most of my pain. He is truly evil. The glee he gets every time I cry out or scream is clear in his eyes. Declan has never looked at me that way. Maybe he has at his victims but never me.
Looking around, his table with tools, as he likes to call them, stares back at me. Knives, rope, a scalpel, knuckle dusters, a gun…the majority of those things have inflicted pain in some way. The knuckle dusters hurt when he hit me so hard a back molar came out, and that side of my face is swollen. I have cuts all over my body. Most of them are surface level but they all hurt.
Think Ewen! You can’t die here!My internal Declan voice chimes in. His voice is what has kept me going this long. My prayers to God have long been abandoned. He’s not coming butI do have faith that Declan will. These guys have said terrible things about him, probably most of them true, but I refuse to give up my hope in him. Everyone has a past, and things they’ve done in life, but he is true to himself.
I don’t know how much longer my body can handle this torture. I’ll die before long if I don’t do something. And if I die trying to get free, at least I can say I went out trying to get to Declan.
A memory I haven’t had in almost twenty years slams into me.
Dad is mad. Mommy says she’s over his shit, whatever that means. I know I can’t say the word cause I get in trouble, but she says it. Mommy is throwing our stuff into bags and taking them to the car. She stops in front of me and crouches down. She pushes my hair back from my eyes. “Listen Ewen, you and Mommy are going somewhere far away from Dad. We’ll go see all the things, just you and me. Sound good?” I look into her eyes and see she’s crying. Mommy does that a lot when talking about Dad. Standing, she takes my hand in hers and we head for the door.
The door suddenly flies open. Dad is standing there, holding a gun. Mommy screams and grabs me, turning us away from Dad and cuddling me to her chest. Her cries are louder.
“Mommy it’s okay, it’s just Dad. He came to go on adventures with us,” I say because she shouldn’t be afraid of him. She holds me tighter, and it hurts.
Mommy is gone. I fall down and look up as Dad pulls her back and drags her into their room. Dad points at me. “Stay here.” I nod. He’s going to talk to Mommy. Everything is going to be okay.
I grab Mommy’s book she likes to read to me. Her Bible. She told me this book holds all the secrets to the world. I don’t understand most of the words, but I look at the pages. Ihear them yelling. They do that often, but they always hug me afterwards.
A really loud bang comes from their room. I cover my ears because the noise is so loud. I get up and go knock on the door. “Mommy, are you okay?” I ask the closed door. No sound is coming from the room. I knock again.
Dad opens the door and steps out. “Hey bud, Mommy is napping right now. I’m going to join her.”
He turns, but I grab his pant leg and yell, “I want to go with you and Mommy.” I’m crying.
Dad gets down to my level. “Listen bud, Mommy and I love each other so much that it hurts us sometimes. Love makes people crazy, and sometimes they do terrible things to be with the ones they love. Mommy and I love you bud, but you can’t come on this nap with us.”
He gives me a hug and stands up. He goes back in the room and shuts the door. I don’t know what he means by that, but I love my Mommy and Dad and want to be with them. I start banging on the door, yelling for them to let me come too.
Another loud bang comes from the room. This time I open the door. Mommy and Dad are covered in blood. So much blood. I grab Mommy’s hand. “Can we go on our adventures now?” She doesn’t squeeze back or talk to me.
“Mommy? I’m scared.” Still nothing. Dad isn’t talking or moving either.
I run out of our house crying, screaming for someone to help. Our neighbor, Mr. Jones comes over. I tell him about the bangs and blood. He hugs me and tells another neighbor to watch me while he goes inside. He comes back out looking sad.
Did he get Mommy and Dad to wake up? What was that loud noise?
Mr. Jones calls someone and before I know it there’re police and ambulances parked everywhere. I hear the words murderand suicide. That’s all I get before I’m placed in a car and taken to the orphanage.
I tried every day of my life to forget that day. My father killed my mother and then ended his life. All because he loved her so much he couldn’t imagine a day when he wasn’t with her. For years I hated him. Hated him for taking them from me. Then I found God. He wouldn’t want us to live with hatred in our hearts. So, I forgave my father.
Now I get it. He loved her so much he would rather be dead with her than not have her at all. Declan says he loves me. I know I love him. Now it’s my turn to do something incredibly stupid in the name of love. I will fight with everything in me to tell him once.
Love makes us stupid but also brave. I will be brave, I will fight. No idea if they can see me or not, nor do I care anymore what happens. I shake my arms, they’re terribly stiff. But still, I try to find a way to freedom. The rope is tight but not as tight as the one around my ankles. There’s actual wiggle space. Maybe I can get my hands out. There’s blood, mostly dry, but some could work as a lubricant. The rope burns as it cuts deeper into my flesh, but I don’t care. I have to get out.
Channeling my father’s intentions, hearing Declan’s voice in my head, I will become everything dark to get free. They will be the force. Maybe even God will help me.
Slowly, with so much pain, I finally pull one of my hands free. I want to shout in victory, but I can’t. I’m still not out of danger.
Not caring about the rope around my other wrist I lean forward and try removing the rope around my ankles. It takes even longer than it did to get my hand free but eventually I remove the rope. I stand, forcing myself to ignore the pain and discomfort. I rush to the door and try to open it. It’s locked. But I have tools. Maybe one of them can help me get out.
The doorknob jiggles, a sign someone is coming in. This is the moment I either live or die. I lunge for the gun and grip it tight in my bloody hands. I’ve never fired a gun in my life. If I had the knife, I would have to get close to my captor, but with the gun I can keep distance between us.
