Itake a quick shower after everyone leaves. I need the blood gone. I can’t stand the feeling of it on my skin. It makes my mind go to the negative when I need it to be positive. Caleb still hasn’t called or messaged so that has to be good, right?
By the time I get into my Jeep and drive to Declan, the rain is a fine mist. “Gloomy Sunday” by Billie Holiday comes on theradio. Her soulful voice calls to me. Is she speaking directly to me and this situation?
As the song ends I pull into the parking lot of the hospital. The hospital I dread entering. I don’t want bad news. I can’t handle it. That can’t be the last time I ever talk to him. Anger builds inside of me. I could’ve had more time with him. He confessed his darkness to me, and I pushed him away, using that darkness as an excuse to do so. But his darkness is what makes me feel for him. He invokes emotions and feelings I’ve never known. Foreign things in my simple life.
I’m greeted by a younger woman who looks surprisingly cheery for the time of day and where we are. I wouldn’t expect such happiness in this place. “Hi sir, how can I help you?”
Gripping the back of my neck to calm my nerves, I say, “Hello, I’m looking for a patient who was brought in for an emergency. His name is Declan Murphy.”
She types on the keyboard. “Yes, he came in a while ago. Are you family?”
I shake my head. “Um, no. I am his priest though.”
“What a kind person. Coming to visit. He’s in surgery right now, but I can’t let you see him. I’m sorry. Only family is permitted to visit” She gives me a sad smile. “However, I see a note in his file to page Dr. Henderson upon anyone’s arrival. Let me call him.”
She picks up her phone and then I hear her voice over the intercom. “Paging Dr. Henderson to ER front desk.” She hangs it up and looks at me. “Have a seat, he should be here shortly.”
The chairs in the hospital are uncomfortable. I wonder if all hospitals purposely buy the most uncomfortable ones made. People here are already going through hard times, would it be so difficult to have a decent chair to sit and mourn in?
Caleb comes out of the large double doors leading to the emergency area. “E, hey. Come with me.” He leans over and talksto the girl. She hands him a large sticker, which he lightly slaps onto my chest. A visitor’s badge. He motions with his hand for me to follow.
He leads me down a hallway that’s overly bright and smells of disinfectant. The signature aesthetic of any hospital. I was expecting Caleb to take me to Declan, but he doesn’t. Instead, I’m in a small office off the ER. From looking around, I can tell it’s Caleb’s, though I’ve never been in here before.
He sits behind the desk and motions for me to sit across from him. “Okay, I need you to tell me the full truth of what happened?”
“Look, I honestly have no idea. He showed up at the church already bleeding and hurt. I brought him in and then called you.” I lied to the police, but I could never lie to him. He’s essentially my brother, my only family.
“Okay, I believe you.” He looks tired. It’s my fault. I woke him and dragged him in. “He’s in surgery. He barely made it. If you hadn’t called me or had even waited a minute longer to get any help, he wouldn’t have made it. I called Fiona and let her know he’s here. She’s devastated but she’s on her way.”
“Can I see him when he’s out of surgery?” If he says no, I might cry again.
Leaning forward, resting his forearms on the desk, he says, “Of course. I’ll have it cleared with the hospital. You’ll be allowed full access. But it’ll probably be awhile.”
I know that. He’s in the safest place he can be right now. I just hope whoever got the upper hand on him doesn’t try to finish the job.
“Were the police here?” I ask.
“They came by, but since he can’t talk they left. But they’ll be back to get his statement once he can.”
Caleb’s pager beeps and he checks it. “He’s out of surgery. It went well. They’re moving him to the ICU for observation.” Hestands and heads for the door. “We’ll go and see him. I’ll get you in. You can stay as long as you want.”
I grab my best friend and pull him in for a hug. “Thank you.”
He pats my back. “Of course. Anything to wipe that miserable look off your face.”
We reach the room where Declan is sleeping. He appears better than he did a couple hours ago. He’s been cleaned of the blood, but the tubes and machines make him look alien and out of place.
Checking the chart, Caleb says everything seems good. So, I sit and wait, watching for any sign of those beautiful eyes opening.
17
DECLAN
Atight squeezing of my bicep pulls me from the darkness. The pressure continues, and I crack open an eye. A middle-aged woman stands next to me, taking my blood pressure. I’m in a hospital, that much is obvious. Between her scrubs and the beeping, there’s no other place I could be.
Why am I in the hospital? What happened?I was at the seedy massage parlor where Dean and his greasy friend caught me off guard—which has never happened to me before.
I remember killing them. I remember the walk to the church. Ewen being my actual angel. The sadness in his eyes hurt me the most though. Not the wounds from the knives, or the blood leaving my body. None of that pains me more than the sorrow I saw in those blue eyes.
