He tsks and looks deep in my eyes. “That’s not what I asked. I’m not worried you’ll tell my secrets. You already proved you won’t. I asked why you hate me.”
“I—I don’t hate you.” My brain is a barrage of words. None of them fitting to this moment. I want to push him away. Scream at him to leave me alone. Yet I can’t bring myself to do any of it. Why? One single night and a handful of minutes couldn’t really cause so much turmoil in one person. Can it?
“Do you want me to leave?” he asks.
I look at him—truly look at him. Past his eyes that hold me captive. He’s taller than me but not by much. He sees me taking in his appearance and pushes his hood back, helping me see more of him. Making it easier for me to take him all in. He has dark hair. So dark it’s practically black. He keeps it very short on the sides, with the top slightly longer. It’s styled back without looking greasy or gross and I wonder how long it is. He has a perfectly straight nose. Almost Grecian in shape. A light stubble covers his jaw—not full enough to be defined as a five o’clock shadow. He is what most would call the perfect male specimen.
He crowds me, more so than he already was. “I’ll leave right this minute. Walk out and you’ll never see me again. I can promise you that. But if you don’t tell me to, Iwillstay and get to know you. The man that is Ewen and not the priest.”
“Ho—how do you know my name?”
Slowly, but without putting any space between us, he walks around me. Almost rubbing up against me like a cat. Normally I would be against this closeness, but in this moment I don’t mind it. Is it fear keeping me frozen, or him directly.
“Oh, I know so much about you my sweet Aingeal. I told you you were an angel. I’ve watched you. Ever since I first met you, you’ve been an obsession of mine.” He stops directly in front of me, forcing me to hold his gaze. “You may not have seen me, but I have seen you thrive in life. A life I think is wasted on not truly being free.”
I shake my head in disagreement. “I’ve lived my life as I planned. I have fulfilled my dreams of becoming a priest and leading a parish. I have lived following the Bible.”
“That’s not living. That’s following rules. Rules set hundreds of years ago.”
Suddenly he turns and moves away, leaving a frost in his absence. “I’m gonna go now. I clearly fucked up your head because, Father, you didn’t seem to care that I admitted tostalking you. To following you. To knowing things you didn’t tell me. So, take some time to process everything.”
I can’t move. Can barely breathe. A situation I continue to find myself in when he’s near.
He stops at the doors and turns back to look at me. “Till we meet again, my sweet Aingeal. I hope next time we meet it’s under a circumstance where we can have a more constructive conversation.”
The doors open as if they were opened for him. He disappears into the bright afternoon sun like he just stepped into Heaven. But he was right, Heaven wouldn’t want him. He said he’s the Devil, and the Devil rules Hell.
10
EWEN
Idon’t know how long I stood there staring at the doors after he left.
He tipped my world upside down. Finding out the man who confessed to murder is the same man I’ve not only met but actually watched do his immoral things is messing with me
And the fact he knew who I was. Sure, my name is known to everyone who comes here. But I feel like he knew this information without looking at the directory. I never knew I was being watched—stalked.
My brain is at max capacity. For once in my life, I can’t handle the idea of helping anyone or hearing confessions.
I close the church early, feeling guilty for anyone who will miss out on confession hours, but I don’t get many parishioners anyway.
Shuffling into my little apartment Beocca runs like a wild man to rub against my legs. He seems to sense when I need his comfort. He’s my true-life companion. Kneeling down to scoop him up, he meows loudly.
Beocca’s purr eases my anxiety a fraction. He leaps from my arms when I angle them over the bed. He bounces and plays.I stare at him, trying to calm my chaotic brain. His energy is a balm.
I continue to watch him while I remove my robes then hang them up—I own more robes than actual clothes—leaving me in my suit. I go to tug off my Roman collar but for some reason I don’t. Like it’s God’s gentle hug holding me to Him.
Beocca is a welcome distraction, but I need to get out. Smell some fresh air, talk to someone other thanthatman.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I see I already have a missed call from Caleb. When did he call? It says less than an hour ago. Could have been during the confession or while I was frozen. My sense of time is completely gone.
“My man,” Caleb shouts through the phone as a greeting. “What’s my favorite priest up to?”
I chuckle. “I’m the only priest you know.”
“Nope. I actually know a few, but you’re my favorite. Please tell me you’re free. I want to hang out. Preferably outside of your church.”
“What do you mean? This place is gorgeous.”
