Now, Maisie waves her hand in front of my face. “Girl, hello, are you, like, in shock or something?”
When I blink at her blankly, she shakes her head. “Oh, I see, you’re thinking about your mountain man.”
“I’mnot.” I laugh, but my voice doesn’t sound quite right. “I mean, yeah, it is a lot to have so many comments and… everything.”
“Everything?” Maisie parrots, deadpan, and when I glance down at the laptop again, she takes it, turning it around. “What are you—holy shit, Lola!”
I watch her eyes move quickly back and forth, watch it register on her face what she’s looking at. When she looks up at me again, it’s with the glee of a kid on Christmas morning.
Maisie is genuinely happy for me. Not for the first time this week, I feel a rush of gratitude that I have a friend like her.
“You got the sponsorship!” she says, her whisper high, her eyes wide. “The stars arealigningfor you right now, girl!”
She pushes the laptop to the side and wraps me in a hug.
Ecotra is everything. This is the opportunity of a lifetime — to travel around the world, see everything, all completely free. And the exposure would launch my brand in a completely new direction.
Except when I think about it now — even knowing it will get me away from the city, away from the pressure of my mother’s other family encroaching on my space — it just feels exhausting. Checking in and out of hostels. Talking to new people every day. Moving and moving and never getting the chance to sit still, take a moment.
“… and you’re not happy about it,” Maisie says, pulling back and crossing her arms, looking me up and down. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m pulling all the weight in this conversation right now.”
“Sorry.” I laugh, scrubbing both hands up and down my face. “I’m sorry. I just— I’ve wanted this for so long. My stuff blowing up, the sponsorship, and now that I have it, it feels wrong.”
“Because you want the mountain man.”
I let out a strangled sound and Maisie laughs, pushing against my shoulder. “No offense, but I think you need to get over yourself and talk to him.”
“He’sthe one who toldmeto leave.”
“Yeah, and men are stupid.” Maisie rolls her eyes, tossing some hair over her shoulder. “He probably got scared. He’s probably even convinced himself you don’t want to explore this thing between you, either.”
I sit in the quiet of that for a moment. Maisie wasn’t there. She didn’t feel it as he and I walked to my car. Didn’t have to try to breathe through the cool silence.
She wasn’t there to see the look on his face when I came out and found him there with my stuff at the door.
“In other news,” Maisie says, clearing her throat. “You’re not the only one who got a good email this morning. I got into the summer program!”
“Oh!” I remember her mentioning, vaguely, a program that she’d applied to but would never get into. Something that paid very well.
“So, the thing is that, if you decide you need to leave…” She tips her head toward the laptop, toward the Ecotra email. “I’m ready to take over the lease myself. I’m totally going to use your room as a workout room.”
That makes me laugh — like Maisie is a mother taking over my childhood room — and she reaches forward, hugging me again. She smells like rose and mint, and I breathe it in, trying to calm the dizzying thoughts swirling around in my head.
She’s right; the stars are aligning for me. I’m getting everything I ever wanted.
And it doesn’t feel right.
CHAPTER 22
ROWAN
When I hear the softcrackof something walking in my direction, I close my eyes, quickly ranking the order of which animals I most and least want to be found by.
Honestly, a bear wouldn’t be so bad. They’re not carnivores, and I can’t really see one attacking me without me being a threat in some way. If the thing walking by is a bear, it will likely just keep going.
But if it’s a coyote, or some sort of cat — a mountain lion or cougar — it’s not going to be pretty.
Even worse might be something small. A rattlesnake. A brown recluse.
