“All right, honey,” Jasmine said, finally getting back to her feet. “That sounds like a good plan. I’ll be here when you get back. Remember I’m always here for you, OK?”
Kyra reached out and hugged her mom tight. She had no idea what she would have done without the support her mother offered. And she realized that she was going to be that person to someone very soon. “I hope I’m as good a mom as you are,” she said, squeezing her mother tight.
“Oh, I know you will be,” Jasmine said. “I have no doubt you’re going to be a natural.”
For the entiredrive up to the ranch, Kyra rehearsed what she wanted to say to Adam. She tweaked and reworded it over and over again. If he couldn’t see how he could still be in the child’s life without being a conventional father, Kyra had some ideas to offer. She was willing to treat him like a good friend. The kid could call him Uncle Adam, and he’d play that kind of role. It would enable him to enjoy watching his child grow up, spoil them whenever it was convenient, but he wouldn’t have to deal with the fear of being a father figure to anyone.
All she would ask for was the same respect he’d given her before the pregnancy, before they slept together even. She wanted to be thought of as a person, not a mistake, and that was all sheplanned to ask of him. It wasn’t too much to ask, was it? So why had she felt so nervous all morning? She’d gotten herself so worked up that her stomach hurt, but she refused to chicken out.
How would she live with herself if she couldn’t even bring herself to face the father of her child? All she planned to do was tell him exactly what he probably wanted to hear. He ought to be grateful. He was being absolved of responsibility and all the unpleasant duties that went along with fatherhood. All that was left were the fun bits.
She nodded to herself as she formulated the exact wording she would use to explain this to him. Then she turned the radio on and tried not to think about it anymore until she got where she needed to be.
When she finally pulled onto the ranch, her whole body reacted to the sight of it. She had done her best not to think about all the memories she was leaving behind the day she’d left, but now they were all flooding her thoughts, overwhelming her until her hands started shaking and her stomach clenched. She told herself to breathe and got out of the car. All she had to do was take care of this quickly, say what needed to be said, collect the crib, and then say goodbye. It should be easy, but it wasn’t.
Things got even less straightforward when Adam finally made his way out of the main house. He was even more handsome than she remembered, tall and strong, rugged-looking with a perfect length of stubble on his chin. He was exactly her type, which was probably the reason she was in this unfortunate situation to begin with.
“Kyra,” he greeted her as she stepped out of her car. After she closed the door behind her, he gave her an appraising look thatshe wasn’t sure whether she appreciated. “You look well,” he said. “How have you been?”
So it was to be the most basic small talk, was it? She wasn’t sure why she had expected anything else. “I’m fine,” she said, playing along. “How have you been?”
“Oh, I’ve been all right.” He offered her a hand, but she refused to take it. After a second or two, he gave up and said, “Follow me. It’s in here.”
She already knew it was in the garage, but again, she played along. As much as she had rehearsed the things she wanted to say to him on the way here, the sight of him seemed to drive every word from her mind. She couldn’t remember any of it. Her thoughts were a complete blank when it came to anything other than how badly she wanted to wrap her arms around him and beg him to take her back. Of course, that would be a huge mistake, so she resorted to following at a distance and pretending not to care.
As soon as she saw the crib, though, all her determination to keep a cool head went out the proverbial window. “Oh, my gosh! Look at this!” She rushed in to see it up close. “How beautiful is this!” It really was gorgeous. Not only was it a sturdy, hand-made crib, with vintage-looking rockers, but beautiful relief patterns had been carved into the head and foot of it. “I didn’t know you were this good at woodworking,” she said.
Adam crossed his arms over his chest. He looked proud of his work, and she thought he had every right to be. “Do you like it?”
She laughed. “Can’t you tell? It really is wonderful.” She ran her hands along the reliefs, which had been painted with green andpink flowers over the yellow background. “Thank you so much. I’m not sure it’ll fit in my car though.”
“Sure it will,” Adam said. “I measured it while I was making it. Any part that wouldn’t fit is easily removable. You can reassemble it when you get it home.”
“You think of everything,” Kyra said. She couldn’t help smiling at him. He really was a thoughtful, talented man, and she was more than a little depressed that their relationship had come to this awkward almost-friendship when it could have been so much more. Why he thought he would make a terrible father was way beyond her. “I love it.” She stood and turned to him. “Thank you so much. It’ll be a good keepsake for the family, too.” What she didn’t say was,if only you were going to be part of it. She wanted to, but she knew it would not go over well.
He started telling her all about the process of making the crib, going into a lot of unnecessary detail. She could tell there was something more he wanted to say, but he was too afraid to come right out and say it. She couldn’t blame him. There was something she was afraid to say, too. The more she thought about saying all those things she’d rehearsed, the worse her stomach felt.
While he was talking, he started unscrewing the legs and rocker, preparing to fit it into Kyra’s car, and she backed against the wall so she could prop herself up. Her back was hurting. A lot of things were hurting, actually. She knew she had more to say to him, but she still didn’t know how to bring it up. If she started talking out of the blue, wouldn’t it sound like some kind of sermon or a list of demands? She couldn’t see it going over well, and he looked so cute carefully disassembling the crib he’d built for her. For her and their baby. How could she express any kind of dissatisfaction now?
A pang of what was probably anxiety-induced stomach-ache made her groan, and Adam spun around to see her crouched against the wall of the garage. “Are you OK?” he said, looking truly worried.
“Yeah.” She waved off his concern. “It’s probably gas or something.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re not sick, are you?”
She tried to push herself back to her feet but faltered, and Adam rushed over to help her. “There’s no way I’m sick,” she said when she was comfortably leaning on his arm. “I’m just stressed out. I have been all morning.”
“All morning?” He gave her a doubtful look. “Let’s get you into the main house where you can sit for a while.” As he gently led her back to his house, the same house she’d once lived in for months, he asked, “What have you been so stressed about?”
What kind of question was that? “Well, probably because I’m going to have a baby soon. But I was also kind of nervous about coming to see you, considering how things ended with us. I thought maybe we could come to an understanding or something, and I had planned what I was going to say. But then I got here, and the crib was so cute, and I immediately forgot everything I was going to say and… Ugh!” She doubled over, the pain suddenly growing to something more than could believably be caused by nerves.
Adam glanced over at her. “You are not OK.” He took her inside and sat her on the couch. Then he went into the kitchen to get her a cup of water. When he got back, he handed it to her and said, “Drink this.”
“It’s nothing,” she said. “Probably false labor or something. Happens all the time. That’s what the doctor said anyway.”
He put his hands on his hips and stared down at her. “And what if it’s real labor?”
She tried to laugh. “Don’t be silly. That’s impossible.”
