‘When you were in Monte Carlo.’
I frowned. ‘But when I was there, I saw pictures of him in the Cotswolds with someone. I presume that was you?’
She floundered for a second. ‘Okay. Just before you went to Monte Carlo.’
‘How did this “friendship” you said you wanted turn into romantic weekends away so quickly, then?’ I asked.
Cassie tucked her hair behind her ears. We both did that when we were nervous.
‘Charlie was lonely. I was lonely.’
‘I was lonely, too, Cass! Did you even talk about me at all?’
‘Of course we talked about you! But you were fine, by then. Mum showed me pictures of you living it up in Monaco. You were already with Marcus and you looked really happy.’
I wanted to tell her that my relationship with Marcus had been nothing but fake at that point. But I couldn’t go againstour agreement – I’d already told Zoe, there was no way I wanted to admit how it had all started to anyone else, especially now our feelings had turned into something altogether different.
‘Things aren’t always what they seem, Cassie. You see what other people have got, make assumptions about how they’re living their lives, but you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. We’d never even had a conversation about Marcus. You shouldn’t have assumed anything, or taken me being photographed with the guy once as carte blanche to basically seduce my ex.’
Cassie went to say something else but seemed to think better of it. What could she say? I knew her default would be to turn it around on me, to make me the bad person, which in her mind would excuse everything she’d done. But in this instance, there was nothing tangible for her to grasp hold of – it was probably killing her to realise she had absolutely no comeback.
‘Did Mum know?’ I asked her. ‘About you and Charlie?’
Cassie shook her head. ‘I told her last night.’
And?I wanted to say. And what was her response? Surely,surely,she couldn’t think Cassie was blameless this time. I wanted to believe she was capable of sticking up for me, just this once.
‘So where do we go from here?’ I asked.
I wondered what I wanted her to say, what would make any of this better, but I didn’t think there was anything because they’d done what they’d done and there was no going back. I had total closure with Charlie now, at least – he hadn’t been the man I’d thought he was, and I should have known that when he walked out on me in such a callous way without helping me understand why. But it was different with Cassie – I still loved her, of course. But if Marcus had taught me anything, it was that it was okay to put yourself first sometimes. And look what had happened – I’d put Cassie first my entire life and this was how she’d repaid me.
‘I want to carry on seeing him, Ava. Would that be okay?’ she asked, looking young, still the vulnerable teenager I’d sat with in her room while I did my homework and tried to pretend that I was struggling at school as much as she was.
‘Well, I’d be careful if I were you,’ I told her, thinking of Charlie’s tearful phone call when I was in Paris – he would have been with Cassie then, so what was he playing at?
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ asked Cassie.
‘You’d better ask him.’
Cassie sighed. ‘So you’re not okay with it, then.’
‘Not really, no. And if it’s my blessing you want, I can’t give it to you. That’s not to say that I never will, but I can’t give it now. And you’re going to have to sit with that feeling, Cass. It’s not something I can make better for you.’
‘You hate me,’ she said, a tear rolling down her cheek.
‘I don’t hate you.’
‘I really am sorry,’ she said.
I shrugged. ‘I know.’
Cassie stood up.
‘Maybe we can talk again sometime, if you’re open to it,’ she said. ‘I just can’t seem to find the words today.’
There was one thing I still wasn’t clear on, something I wanted her to explain before she left.
‘I still don’t get why you decided to reach out to him, to go for it despite knowing how much it would hurt me, and please don’t say you thought it wouldn’t,’ I said.
