‘Riley?’I demand, my brain still scrambling to make sense of any of this.‘Are you going to explain what the hell is going on?’
Her gaze shifts around the room as if she’s trying to check for any other incriminating evidence, but what I’ve found is already enough.She has photos of me, collections of writings.Conversations, quotes, lyrics …
My saliva feels thick.
‘You’re James?’I whisper, my brows pinching together.‘How is that possible?You look nothing like the photos …’ I trail off, understanding dawning on me.I was catfished.James is not a tall, goofy-looking guy who loves writing, art and poems.He’s this stranger in front of me, who knows intimate details of my life while I clearly know nothing in return.
Bile climbs up my throat and my stomach churns in a painful, uncomfortable way that makes me wonder if I’m about to be sick.The heartbeats in my chest hurt and I feel light-headed trying to keep up with what is going on right now.
‘Why?’I ask.
She hesitates, as if battling with the thought of being honest or denying it, but the proof is in my hand.It’s all around us.She can’t deny it.
‘I was a massive fan of you,’ she says slowly.‘I tried messaging you, commenting on the chapters you posted, lots of times I tried to connect with you and it went nowhere.I wanted to know you.I wanted to be your friend.When I became James and we connected through my writing, I fell in love with you and for the first time, yousawme.You noticed our similarities and our connection.I couldn’t let you go … I couldn’t tell you the truth.I didn’t want you to hate me.’
I’m too stunned to speak.Of course I had thoughts of James not being who I thought he was when we would agree to meet up and he would always bail.He never wanted to FaceTime, never wanted to speak on the phone or send voice messages, but the conversation was so deep and meaningful, our connection … it overruled my suspicions.Since I was also stupid and revealed my address, whenever James would bail on a date, I’d always receive roses in the mail.
Roses … James would send me roses.
Oh.My.God.
It makes sense now that Zayden never mentioned anything about the flowers and would always leave them at such random times, because it was neverhimleaving them.
‘How are we here?How did you become my roommate?’I question, my thoughts feeling heavy and slow in my mind.
‘I’m very good with computers.I made it so that we were paired up.’So many questions emerge but once one thought forms, it floats away before I can grasp it.‘I didn’t like you beingwith Zayden.I didn’t want you distracted from your work.I didn’t want him to influence your beautiful writing.’
I truly have no words.I’m completely blindsided by this.I thought whatever I had with James was done and dusted.A chapter in my life that taught me a lot of things but was inevitably closed for the foreseeable future.Now everything that happened, every word that was exchanged, I’m questioning.It was all a lie.
‘I never did anything to hurt you,’ Riley continues, lifting her chin indignantly, as if she has somehow been doing me a favour this entire time.‘I only want the best for you.In fact, I’m still looking out for you.’She fumbles for her phone and pulls up a photo of Zayden.I recognise the place and his outfit from one of the recent parties we attended.I remember the night very clearly.Leasa and he stand close together and she has her hand on his arm.‘See?I told you he wasn’t who you think he is.’
My confused stare turns into a withering one.I’m not stupid enough to fall for that.I know how Leasa has been to him, and I am confident in the knowledge that they are finished.Zayden would never do that to me and if Riley thinks that of him, and so little of me to believe such nonsense, she might not know me as well as she thinks she does.
Choosing to not even acknowledge that stupid photo, I ball my hands into fists, trying to keep a lid on the anger and frustration that is circling through me.
‘That is not up to you to decide.You might not think you hurt me, but lying to me, making yourself out to be someone you’re not, has hurt me in ways you don’t understand.You can’t just meddle with people’s lives like this.’
‘I wasn’t trying to hurt you.I’m in love with you, Nora.You, your books, everything.’
I take a step back, as if her words have slapped me in the face.‘If that’s true, then why would you lie and do all of these things?Show me that photo, try to break up the firstrealrelationship I’ve ever had?I’ve never been happier than I am now and you want to ruin it!’
Riley’s voice begins to shake.She still sounds defensive, however a hint of desperation has leaked into her tone.‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.I thought … I thought if I could just show you who I am, you’d finally see me for me.I wasn’t trying to lie, I just – I didn’t know how else to get close to you.You never noticed me before and I lost you … I didn’t want you to replace me with him and forget about me.I wanted to work it out with you.I was hoping that when the time was right, I could reveal myself, and it wouldn’t matter because you knew me, likereallyknew me.’
Anger and disbelief course through me.‘So, you thought pretending to be someone else was the way to get close to me?Are you serious right now?You literallycreateda whole other person.How long were you planning on doing this?’
Riley is quiet for a moment.She sniffles, looking down at her feet.‘I never meant for it to go so far.I thought … maybe if I could just show you the real me, you’d like me, no matter who I was.I was scared you’d never love me if you knew the truth.’
‘James, Riley, whoever the hell you even are … I trusted you.James was my friend.For the first time in my life, I felt like I’d met someone who I could tell anything to.With no guilt, judgement or anything like that.You, right now, are a complete stranger to me.I don’t know what is real and what isn’t, but you want me to … what … thank you?For trying to do what’s “best” for me?’
‘Nora, I didn’t want to hurt you, okay?I wanted to be the person you needed, the person you could love.I thought if I could just get you to fall for me, then maybe it would all work out.I didn’t mean for it to go wrong.I didn’t want to lie to do it, but you wouldn’t give me the time of day until I created James.I didn’t do anything bad to Zayden, okay?Emily, well, she had it coming.’
Swallowing down the rage building inside me, I take a breath in an attempt to calm myself down.‘You didn’t mean to?You played with my feelings, gained my trust and found new ways to hurt me.You don’t mess with people’s lives like that.’Then her words sink in, and I pause, my skin feeling hot.‘What did you say?’
There’s a long silence.I think back to the ‘get well’ cards and posts mentioning Emily’s fall.My stomach tightens uncomfortably.It happened right at the front of the apartment.Emily was always out drinking, turning up at all times of the night in shoes she can barely walk in.It would have been so easy for Riley to push her … the thought makes my skin itch.
‘Did you hurt Emily?’I ask, shock washing through me like a violent tidal wave.
The sad smile slowly morphs into something more sinister.She shrugs, and my heartbeat is so loud in my ears, I feel dizzy.Up until this moment, I had not considered the person in front of me dangerous.Unhinged and possibly mentally ill?Sure.But dangerous?No.
