‘There is no denying you’re one hell of a player, kid,’ he says, and I slowly nod.‘But you have to be more than that when you’re on a scholarship.I believe you’ve had a conversation regarding this already?’
‘Yes, Coach,’ I answer, my voice stiff and unlike my usual, casual tone.I hate these kinds of conversations, and I hate feeling like I’ve let people down.Especially when it comes to something like this.Academically, I struggle, and I don’t know how to improve.It’s always been a challenge for me.
‘Look,’ he says with a deep breath, adjusting in his seat.‘I get it.Completing any sort of schoolwork with ADHD is difficult.It means you have to work hard.I know it’s a lot, on top of just regular life, but you need to get something sorted.Every single class is slipping, and even today …’ he trails off, pressing his lips together.‘I’m starting to notice how easily distracted you get.’
Heat prickles my scalp.I want to defend myself.I want to get angry, but I can’t.It won’t do me any good, and it will achieve nothing.Swallowing, I look down at my lap, unsure what to say to him.Shame fills me to the point my eyes sting and I quicklyblink away the emotion threatening to take over.I can’t break down, not right now.
‘I’m dealing with personal things,’ I say thickly.
Coach raises an eyebrow.‘And you think that’s going to fly when scholarships are reviewed at the end of semester?When recruiters are watching our top players every week?’
My mouth goes dry.I glance at the floor, then back up.‘I’m dealing with it.I’m getting back on track.’
He leans forward, arms folded on the desk.‘Zayden.You’re a leader on this team.People look up to you, whether you want them to or not.I need you to get it together in every area of your university life, otherwise I’ve got no choice but to start rotating in other players.’
That lands like a punch to the gut.I shift in the chair, trying to keep my voice level.‘So what, I’m benched?’
‘Not yet,’ he says, which doesn’t make me feel any better.‘But you’re on notice.I’ve seen guys with your talent ruin their chances because they couldn’t get their heads straight off the field.’
I nod, jaw clenched.‘Got it.’
‘You’ve got the skills.You’ve got the instinct.But none of that matters if you don’t get your shit together.Whatever’s going on – deal with it.Now.’
I nod again, tighter this time, and my voice cracks.‘Yes, Coach.’
‘Zayden,’ he says, softly this time, looking like he may regret how harsh he was being just now.
‘I’m trying, Coach.’My voice breaks again and I flinch at the sound of it.There’s a long, weighted silence, and Coach’s eyes burn holes into my skin as he stares hard at me.I’ve never shown any sort of vulnerability to him before.
‘Is there something I can do to help you?’he asks softly, and honestly, I think the sympathetic tone in his voice is worse.I almost wish he would yell at me.‘What do you need?’
‘I’m working on it.I have a tutor lined up.I think that’s going to help a lot.’
When I glance back up, Coach’s eyebrows are raised, as if he’s surprised I’ve acted on this.He nods.‘Good.That’s great.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Let’s check back in with each other in a couple of weeks and see how you’re going.’
‘Sure.’
‘Please come to me, Zayden.You’re one of my best players.I don’t want to see this happen to you.’
Shoving to my feet, I nod yet again, still unsure what to do or say.There’s a lump in my throat and I’m dangerously close to letting my composure slip.I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t know how to get myself out of this deep water.
I step out of the office, the door clicking shut behind me.The air’s cooler out here, but my skin still feels hot.I pull my phone from my pocket, rubbing the back of my neck.
Nora:My editor just reached out asking if we can bring forward my deadline.
This means full emotional breakdown incoming.Hope ur still alive after practice
I stare at it for a second, unsure whether I should banter back or be honest with the shitshow I just endured.I don’t think a fake relationship is exactly grounds for emotional support, but I trust Nora, and I feel like she’s the one person right now who I can talk to freely about what’s going on.
Zayden:Coach just threatened to bench me.Might need emotional support too
Her reply comes instantly.
Nora:Wanna call tonight?
