‘See you,’ I say, still a little shocked as she exits.
My mind is still processing the last thirty minutes as I make my way back to the table and sink into the seat.I open my laptop.
The screen stares back, almost too bright.I log in to my accounts on this, since I was on my phone before.The notifications, the messages, the mentions, it’s instant.
The last thing I wanted was to see it all unfold, to dive into the chaos I knew was waiting.It’s now time to face it all, but I thought I’d be doing this from an outside account.I can’t believe Leasa just did that for me.
I take a deep breath, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, then click on my notifications.The comments start rolling in before I even open anything –ping, ping, ping– a steady stream of notifications.Mentions.Likes.Retweets.Being tagged in people’s stories.I’m almost afraid to look, but I do.One by one, I scroll through the messages, scanning them with a mixture of caution and hope.
‘You’ve given me courage to finally write under my own name.You’ve made me believe that I can write my own story.Thank you, Nora.’
‘Nora, I’ve followed Valiant Vixen’s books for years, and I never knew it was you.I’m so proud of you.You’re amazing.I hope you know how much you inspire people.’
‘I just wanted to say that you’re a role model.Not just for writers, but for anyone who’s ever felt like they didn’t fit into the box society made for them.Thank you for being real.’
Tears burn behind my eyes, sudden and unexpected, and I have to pause, blinking them away before they can spill over.This isn’t what I thought I’d find.I was bracing myself for judgment, for ridicule, for people who would see me as a fraud or a fake.Instead, I’m finding messages like this.Messages from readers who get it.Who understand why I did it the way I did, and are standing with me.Suddenly, the weight that’s been sitting on my chest since the article dropped feels lighter – like I can finally breathe again.
‘Honestly, I think you just became even more amazing.You’re real.You’re flawed.This only makes me want to read your books even more.Don’t ever apologise for being human.’
A lump forms in my throat and I laugh a little, staring at the screen in disbelief.
I’ve shown myself to the real world, and they’ve accepted me, which is more than I could have ever hoped for.
The day is here.
The damn wedding.
I feel like I blinked and the weeks flew by.
I stand in front of the mirror, barely recognising the girl who looks back at me.The baby-blue gown hugs my frame just right, flowing like liquid silk down to the floor, the neckline plunging, showcasing my best assets, but somehow makes me look soft and delicate at the same time.
My hair, usually a mess of waves, is now in neat curls, but still in my half-up, half-down style.Usually I’d baulk at wearing a dress that shows off my figure so much, but I’m learning to embrace my curves.Since I’ve been a little more daring and confident with my outfits, I’m surprised at how much better I feel.Like I’ve had a total upgrade, both mentally and aesthetically.
I ducked out this morning and got my make-up done at one of the make-up stores in the shopping centre.The make-up is natural and subtle – just enough to highlight my features without hiding them.A soft rose blush warms my cheeks, my lips hold the faintest hint of pink.Dainty gold earrings swing from my earlobes, paired with a bracelet that my mother bought for my eighteenth birthday.
Running my hands down the fabric, I glance at my reflection one last time, surprised that Ifeelbeautiful.
There’s a soft creak and I spin, seeing Zayden step inside, looking down at his watch.He looks up and pauses mid-step, eyes widening.His gaze travels down every inch of my body and back up.
‘You …’ he finally says, his eyes raking over me, like he can’t decide where he wants to look first.‘You look unreal.’
A nervous laugh slips out of me, and I smooth the front of my dress, suddenly shy under his gaze.‘Thank you.’
He releases a low whistle, closing the distance between us.‘I mean, I knew you’d look beautiful, but this?This is next level.’
I roll my eyes, even as my heart swells, my cheeks warming under his gaze.‘You make me feel like the prettiest girl in the world, Zayden Stark.’
‘Well, maybe you are,’ he replies, his hands gently resting on my waist.
‘Don’t make me cry.I just got my make-up done,’ I murmur, eyes welling.
Leaning in, he presses a tender kiss to my forehead.‘Are you almost ready to go?’
‘Yep, let’s go.’
The Uber arrives shortly after we make our way out onto the street.My fingers restlessly tap my handbag.Zayden and the driver make idle chitchat about the basic things you always talk about in an Uber.How busy he’s been, the weather, details about the event we are heading to.
My heart is pounding in a jittery, restless way, like it’s going too fast and uneven in my chest.In combination with the butterflies swarming my stomach, I’m ready to either vomit or drink my weight in alcohol.Honestly, probably both.
