‘Hey.’
‘Is she okay?’
‘No, not really.’
‘I don’t know what to say to her.’
‘She’s worried about you,’ I tell him, closing my eyes, feeling a headache brewing. ‘She feels guilty about not realising what happened, and for not being there for you.’
‘I should have known that’s how she would feel. She’ll think she’s to blame.’
‘She does.’
‘How do I tell her that her not knowing made it easier?’ he asks, voice hollow. It tears me in half to hear him this dejected and empty. Zayden is the one who keeps on going, the sunshine in the room. The one who gets the party started and keeps it alive. It’s not right hearing this pain in his voice. He hasn’t tried to process any of this, and now it’s probably hitting him with full force.
‘Be honest. Say exactly how you feel. Not hearing from you is making her feel even worse about everything.’ I pause, debating whether to continue. ‘If I’ve learned anything from being close with your sister all this time, it’s that being honest about shit is the best way to deal with things. She deserves that.’
‘I just ... wanted to protect her from all this, y’know?’
‘I know,’ I say quietly. ‘Your mum called her this morning.’
There’s a long stretch of silence, then I hear the slight whoosh of his breath on the other end, letting me know he’s still there, processing what I just said.
‘What did she say?’ he eventually asks, throat sounding tight as he chokes out the words.
‘Anya didn’t answer. She’s feeling distraught about everything. Doesn’t know how to process her feelings towards your mum right now. You know, they’ve always been so close. This has hit her hard.’
‘This is so fucked up,’ Zayden says, his voice breaking. ‘She shouldn’t have ever found out. I should have kept my damn mouth shut.’
‘No,’ I disagree. ‘She should know what a monster he truly was. And what your mother did to protect him.’ Another pause. ‘She needed to know what happened to you.’
‘I shouldn’t have told her the way I did.’
‘It’s done now, Zay. We just have to figure out how the hell to move forward from all this.’
‘I’m glad you’re with her. She needs a good friend right now.’
Guilt floods me, and my heart hurts with each beat. We need to have that conversation, but I don’t know how to do it now, with everything going on. I don’t want to make anything worse between them when they need each other more than ever.
‘She’s in there,’ I say. ‘I’m waiting in the car. Only family allowed in.’
‘Jesus. I can’t believe I sent her there all on her own.’ He sighs. ‘Well. Obviously not alone. You know what I mean.’
‘She understands.’
I look up to see the door to the morgue opening. Anya emerges, paper-white, and stiffly walks towards the car. Our eyes meet, and she slowly nods.
‘Shit,’ I say.
‘What?’ Zayden barely breathes as he asks.
‘I think it was him.’
Anya hasn’t spoken a word for at least two hours.
Neither of us really feel like going home to face reality, so we decide to book another night at a hotel, though thankfully not the same one we stayed in last night. The things I heard through the walls are enough to make my skin crawl.
After laying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling, Anya finally drifts off to a restless sleep. Her phone has been ringing non-stop. Mostly her mother, but an unknown number as well, which I’m half tempted to answer, but I also don’t want to invade her privacy. I spoke with her mum and let her know Rod was in the accident. I will never be able to unhear the sound she made at the news. My ears have been ringing all afternoon.
