I breathe a forced laugh, tugging the sleeves of my jacket down over my hands before I bring them up to cup my cheeks. I hate the fact that they are still extremely warm despite the cold temperature.
Just seeing his face makes me miserable. I thought I would feel angrier than I do, but I just feel crappy. I hate what he did to me, and I hate even more that I can’t let go of all the feelings I’ve been harbouring for him all my life. I don’t want to feel anything, but that’s impossible when it comes to him.
‘Wouldn’t expect anything less.’
It’s silent for a moment between us. Only the sounds of metal clanging on the bench top and his footsteps as he moves across the tiled floor fill the room. I try everything I can not to stare at him.
‘It was amazing, by the way.’
‘Hmm?’ I murmur, drawing myself out of my thoughts.
‘Mexico.’
‘Oh,’ I reply, my eyes slowly trailing down his tanned forearms and those swirling dark tattoos. ‘That’s good. How long have you been back?’
‘Almost a month.’
‘Just in time for a vacant room, hey?’ I say with a tight-lipped smile.
‘I’ve always had great timing.’
Ugh. Ouch.
‘I know Zayden and Leasa had been rocky for a while, but I still feel like the break-up happened so fast,’ I say thoughtfully, desperately trying to stop my mind from thinking back to everything that happened between us as he turns and slides a mug across the bench top. ‘Seemed like she was just up and ... gone.’
‘Pretty much how it happened, by the sound of it.’
‘You must be glad to get your sidekick back,’ I tease, circling my hands around the cup and embracing the warmth of it, even though I feel cold and empty inside.
‘Zay falls head over heels for every girl he meets. He’s a useless wingman.’ Mason grins lightly. ‘I’m just glad he seems happier.’
I don’t know why I said that. The last thing I want to think about or discuss is Zayden being Mason’s wingman. The thought of Mason with anyone makes me want to empty my stomach.
‘He is?’ I ask, leaning forward. ‘Happy?’
Mason considers this. ‘Honestly? I’m not sure. I think this break-up has been good for him in a lot of ways. They were toxic for each other in the end. But, no, I’m not sure that he is happy, just happier than he was.’
‘They were always toxic,’ I agree with a dry smile. My brother and his girlfriend had a relationship that made no sense to me. Powerful and passionate, but a whirlwind of extreme highs and the lowest of lows. ‘The way they would scream at each other gave me nightmares.’ Bringing the mug up to my lips, I take a small sip. An explosion of warmth and flavour takes over my tongue and I moan, having missed what used to be a weekly tradition.
I’m surprised to see Mason’s eyes travelling down my body as he watches me. The tension from two years ago feels as strong as ever. I want to be able to look at him and not think about everything we once were, but it’s too difficult not to.
‘I’ve missed this,’ I whisper, breathing into the mug.
I honestly don’t know if I mean the hot chocolate or him. Both, really. Mason was a huge part of my life and then suddenly he wasn’t. The hole he left behind is still gaping, as much as I tried everything to fill it up.
‘Me too, Blush.’ He offers me a small, sad smile. ‘Me too.’
He turns, disappearing from the kitchen.
2
MASON
SEEING ANYA APPEAR ONmy doorstep was like seeing a ghost from my past. A ghost who has grown into the woman of my dreams. I can’t get the image off my mind – her white t-shirt plastered to her body like a second skin, practically see-through from the rain. When my eyes stayed trained on her ass the entire thirteen stairs it took to get to the top floor, I had to chant:she’s Zay’s little sister, she’s Zay’s little sister, she’s Zay’s little sister.
Butdamn, Blush isn’t a kid anymore. She hasn’t been for a long time. I know that better than anyone.
I blink back at my reflection, wondering what it must be like for her seeing me after all this time. After what happened. My hands shake as I grip the sink and grapple to even out my breathing. After taking a moment to steady my racing pulse, I head back into the kitchen, tapping my fingers against my legs.
