“I know you do, but you’ve got to stay out of it, no matter how hard it is for you to do that.”
“I think I’ve been pretty good lately,” she argued.
At least she thought so.
When Jayce moved out a few weeks ago she didn’t get to see him coming and going as much, didn’t know what was going on either.
Then she had to remind herself it’d been years since she knew any of her kids’ personal life without them living home. It wasn’t as if they talked about it much at work.
“You have been, so let Jayce do what he does best. He’s not one to give up and he won’t here either.”
“I just hope Farrah doesn’t give up on Jayce.”
“My money is on them being just fine,” Jim said. “Even without the Fierce’s interference.”
“Because I learned from them,” she said, puffing her chest up some.
“I’ll keep that between us... for now.”
“I didn’t thinkI’d see you today again,” Farrah said, opening the door. She ran her hand under her nose to make sure it was dry. She thought she’d gotten all her tears out.
Maybe she wanted him to return, but it was hard for her to ask.
He kept looking at her in the car as if he wanted to talk, but he was driving and it was best not to get into a conversation like that while they were stuck on the road for two hours.
The fact he dropped her off and drove away told her he was doing exactly what she feared. He was walking away and she might have no one to blame but herself.
“I’m not sure if you’re ready to talk, but I want you to know that we need to. I’m not giving up on us if that is what you think. I might be hurt and upset, even insulted, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love you.”
Her eyes filled with tears. This wasn’t him blowing smoke up her butt. This was him being honest. She’d seen the hurt in his eyes, his anger laced with it.
It was easy enough to see when she felt the same.
But he was coming in strong, letting her know that it might still be okay.
She nodded. “We don’t fight the same,” she said.
“No, we don’t. If I was a dirty fighter, I’d mention that you cut things off with me years ago because you were fearful of the future. Of giving us a shot. Of being hurt. But I didn’t say those things because we were kids. But we are adults now, and the fear is still there. But I’m not going to walk away from fear when I know damn well we can have something great.”
“I know,” she said. “That’s on me. I was burned once and it’s hard to walk toward the heat a second time, but I did.”
“And you thought I lit the match,” he said. “Because I didn’t tell youonething. I get it. I really do. I’ll take ownership of it. But for me, it was a huge embarrassment. I never like to get caught up in other people’s drama and that is exactly what happened. And in the worst way possible for me. I didn’t like having to clear my name, but deep down I didn’t want anyone to think it might be true.”
“It didn’t seem as if anyone believed it,” she said.
“They didn’t. Or at least not the people I actually care about. But when I decided to leave, I kept thinking—oh, great, now everyone’s going to assume I’m running because I’m guilty. It’s like what you said. The outcome wasn’t going to change. If I stayed, they’d talk. If I left, they’d talk. So I chose what worked for me and I left. I don’t think I even realized that completely until a few weeks ago. You’re not fully transparent with Archer about his father because it’s what’s best for him. Not you, not even Tucker. I’ve never had anyone else to think about but myself. But this time, it’s not about me, it’s about us. And sticking before and coming back again, that’s what is right. Letting you know regardless of our fights or hurt feelings, my love for you, that’s not changing.”
This was what she needed to hear. What had to be said to her to get her head out of her ass.
“I’ve wanted to believe you from the moment you walked back into my life. God knows I’ve made mistakes. Plenty of them. And still, every time I stumble, you’re there. You’re the one holding my hand, showing me grace, giving me time, telling me it’s okay to feel what I feel, even when you don’t agree. And yet, I keep letting my fear run the show. I don’t want to push you away, but in trying so hard to protect my heart, I might havedone exactly that. Especially after this morning… I was terrified I already lost you.”
He pulled her into his arms, held her with the emotional strength she’d always wanted from a partner, and kissed her on the forehead.
“You didn’t lose me. You can’t. You won’t. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not sure how many times I have to say it.”
“You’ve proven it time and again. More than I’ve proven it to you, and for that I’m wrong.”
“Neither of us is wrong. Neither is right. We have to be in this together. It’s what I’ve been waiting for in my life and never knew. I’ve been waiting for it with you. If I had to live the past decade doing something else, acting a different way than people were used to to get through or for me to see, then it was worth it.”
