It didn't matter when the nights grew colder. I still slept restlessly and threw my blankets off during my sleep, my skin hot. My dreams were flooded with his image. Nothing specific, but he was always present. I would wake tired but then become filled with energy the moment I saw him at breakfast.
I had a heat coming on in mid-December. My schedule was easy to remember and keep. Once in the winter, once in the summer. Without a partner to stimulate my hormones they were short. Maybe one to two days.
I was dreading it. Not for the reasons most people would think considering my predicament. I wasn't afraid for myself. I was worried that my heat would be insufferable when I knew the alpha I wanted was just downstairs from me. Alone. Already my longing had grown to a physical ache.
Tane had said he was glad to hear I felt safe with him. Glad? Did that mean he cared more than just as a responsible alpha? He owned me on paper. He had a duty to me. But to say he was glad sounded like more. My analytical mind couldn’t let go of that word.
I couldn’t help the smile that took control of my lips.
We were in the den, the fire dancing, the hot drink warming me inside. But there was a deeper warmth, too. I wanted to grab Tane’s hand. I wanted to tell him how much I liked him, how much I had been wanting to be with him. For days now. For weeks.
A shivering sensation began in my chest. Maybe, if I told him, I could make that shivering and restlessness stop. I thought about having one hot night with him and that would cool me off, allow me to feel freer afterward. No strings attached if he didn't want that. I could live like that. If I could just know him for onetime I could hold on to that memory and keep it safe inside me for all the lonely times as I grew older here alone through the years.
I placed my hand between us on the couch.
“Tane, my hand is still cold.” It was a lie. I'd held my coffee mug with both hands and they'd quickly warmed up.
Tane didn't sense my deception. There was no hesitation as he put his hand over mine and slightly squeezed, lifting it up. “Is it?”
“Yeah.”
“Feels pretty warm to me.” His eyes met mine.
“It does?”
“What's going on in that mind of yours?”
My eyes grew warm. I'd started this. I needed to be strong and finish. Maybe it wasn't my place as an owned being, a set. But that had never stopped me before. As the prince of our city pack I got away with everything and anything.
“When I said I feel safe with you, it means something.” My throat became dry as I spoke. I forced myself to keep going. “It means I trust you. That's a really big deal for me, for most omegas to say to any alpha.”
“I'm glad?—”
I interrupted. “There's that word again. Glad. What does it mean?”
“It means that I want that for you. And when you say you have it then I'm happy for you. I think I've made myself clear that I don't want you to be miserable in your situation.”
“In my situation. That means being owned. By you.”
My words made his body stiffen but he still faced me. There was that, at least.
“Yes, that's what that means. That's what your situation is. And I continue to be sorry for that every day. I feel like I want to make it up to you but I don't know how.”
“I like working in the garden with you. I like eating meals together. I like sitting and watching TV with another person that I can trust. Which is you. I like—” I paused for a long time watching as his eyebrows slowly narrowed. Finally, I finished my thought.
“I like you.”
His hand still held mine. Slowly, I turned it over until our palms touched and I could grip him back.
His mouth opened. He looked at me as if he didn't believe me.
“I hope it's okay that I said that.”
“Of course it's okay.” He looked down at our clasped hands. “I like you, too. I hope it's okay that I say that. I don't want to ruin the trust thing you were talking about.” He gave me a little smile.
“It doesn't ruin anything.” All the saliva had gone from my mouth. My voice sounded gritty. “It's the first time in my life I felt like I'm where I'm supposed to be. Does that make any sense?”
“It does. For example, did you know that Tanekan is talking to me again? It started that day I found you hiding in my room. He hasn't spoken in thirteen years.”
