My attention shifts to him, finding more anguish than I can bear in his gaze, and I shake my head.
“Lexi may have been a fantasy, but you were reality, Cam. And reality is so much fucking better. Loving you? Being loved by you? Nothing can compete with it.”
As the words fall from my lips, I can’t take the distance anymore.
I have to touch him.
And this time, he lets me. He doesn’t pull away when my hands reach up, cupping the sides of his face, the pads of my fingers scraping through the stubble along his jaw.
“But you see, the problem was, I wasn’t supposed to love you. You embody everything I’ve spent my entire life hating, and yet, you’re everything I need. I didn’t know what to do with that, because I didn’t understand how it was even possible. It didn’t make sense becausewedon’t make sense. But that day, when I came to your room, I was going to tell you anyway.” I give him a sad little shrug and shake my head. “Only, you ended it, saying there was no reason for us to keep going…so I didn’t see the point in saying it anymore. I thought I was in it alone.”
His sapphire eyes sink closed as more pain etches into his forehead, but I smooth it away with my thumb before continuing, knowing I need to get it all out before I lose my nerve.
“I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning. I messed up. And for that, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for misjudging you, and I can’t even begin to apologize for the way I’ve hurt you. But please believe me when I say that I wanted you, and only you. Because being with you? Fuck, baby. That’s the realest thing I’ve ever known. No matter how it started and no matter how this ends.”
Eyes still closed, he shakes his head, the movement causing my hands to slide down to his neck. And while I’m desperate to hear his thoughts, I force myself to be patient. To wait, for what feels like an eternity, for him to weigh and measure his words.
But the most heartbreaking part is I can see him grappling with his mask, doing everything he can to slip it back on. But he can’t. Not when it’s lying shattered at his feet, in complete disrepair, leaving him bare and exposed.
Leaving him visible for me to watch, helplessly, as anxiety, fear, and uncertainty shreds him apart.
“It was real for me too. I just…” He trails off and clears his throat, but the words still come out ragged. “With how much we’ve talked about always being second best or living insomeone else’s shadow, I couldn’t…”
His forehead falls to mine, and a choked laugh leaves him, causing the air to whisper over my lips. “You told me I wasn’t a night or two, but after everything… How was I supposed to believe anything different?”
Tears form in the corners of my eyes, only to spill over as I nod.
“And that kills me, baby. It kills me to know you’ve spent the past year and a half thinking you were ever a second choice when you’re theonlychoice. That I could ever want only a night or two, when I want every fucking night. Because all those feelings? They never went away.”
My voice is already coming out over shattered glass, but I force myself to keep going, to make sure every single card lies on the table for him to see, because I’ll be damned if I have to live another goddamn minute without knowing I did everything I could to win him back.
“I still want you. I stillloveyou, Cam. The real question is if you could love me, even after all the shit I’ve put you through.”
There’s a beat of silence while I feel his throat working to swallow beneath my palms, and he shakes his head. And in that moment, I’m fully prepared for him to say no. To tell me I’ve lost my chance, that I’ve damaged this beyond repair.
But then he lets out a watery laugh, and I feel the tears that had welled on his lashes finally spill over.
“God, I never stopped, Lo. No matter how much I wish I could.”
His admission has my breath catching in my chest, and I shake my head once, twice, while sliding my fingers into the hair at the base of his skull.
“Please, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”
And then my willpower vanishes, and I press my mouth to his like it’s the last thing I’ll ever do. Like the air in his lungs isthe only thing keeping my heart beating. Who knows? Maybe it is, because as soon as he kisses me back, it’s the most alive I’ve felt since that fateful day.
I taste the salt of our tears where our lips meet, and I use my thumbs to wipe them away before kissing him harder. Fiercer. Putting every ounce of regret and sorrow and guilt I can into this, and hoping like hell he’ll forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused.
Camden’s hands land on my waist, dragging me against his rock-solid body as he deepens the kiss. I can feel every muscle, carved from hard work and dedication, through the fabric of his suit, and my own hands leave his face to wander. He’s become more bulky and defined in places between college and now, but every bit of him still feels familiar.
Feels like home.
His grip slides lower still, moving over my ass before cupping the back of my thighs and lifting me onto the balustrade. A shiver runs up my spine when my ass hits the cool stone, a delicious juxtaposition from the heat coursing through my body as we continue devouring each other.
Positioning himself between my thighs, he anchors an arm around my lower back to keep me from falling, but also to pull me flush against him. We’re perfectly aligned now, and he rocks his hips forward, letting me feel the ridge of his erection pressing into my own aching cock.
Something between a moan and whimper slips out of him at the contact, and I swallow it down greedily. Every little bit of him I can have, I take. Because there’s no telling when this moment will end—when the spell will break and reality will sneak back in.
My hand dips between us, palming his cock over his pants and giving it a firm stroke. It earns me another groan, but it’s not enough. I need more of those sinful little noises the same way I crave getting my hands and mouth on his body again.
