But I should’ve known.
I should’ve realized I was right these past few weeks: This was too good to be true.
I’m so fucking stupid.
A shard of glass may as well be stuck in my throat at the thought; the fragment stabbing muscle with every swallow, slicing cartilage with each inhale. But I breathe through the pain, through the agony, through the eviscerating anguish of being played for such an idiot. A goddamn fool.
And by the person who taught me I’m anything but.
The sound of my doorknob twisting pulls me from my misery, only for the feeling in my chest to get infinitely worse when it creaks open, and the source of my heartache appears on the other side. He looks surprised to see me, despite this being my room he’s walked into, which only serves to add to the spiral of confusion I’m currently falling down.
“Hey, I didn’t hear you get home,” he says, letting the door fall closed behind him. “I was coming in here to wait for you.”
I paste on a smile, despite feeling like I’m dying inside, while he crosses over to my bed and drops down on it beside me.
“Uh, yeah. Basically just got here, so I guess I beat you to it,” I tell him, somehow managing to keep my voice steady.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to mention his conversation with Bailey, but for some reason, the damn thing knots up every time I try to speak. So instead, I make a feeble attempt at small talk.
“You get up to anything interesting while I was gone?”
He shakes his head, only for a little smirk to appear as he knocks my shoulder. “Boring weekend here, apart from the girls dragging me in for a rom-com marathon.”
Mention of Lexi nearly has me losing my lunch, and all those thoughts from only minutes ago come storming back into my mind with a vengeance. “You certainly had a killer one, though. I mean, I know I don’t know a lot about hockey, but two shutouts in the conference finals sounds really impress—”
“I think it’s time we call it quits with this whole fake relationship thing.”
The words leave my mouth before I can even weigh the pros and cons of them, and their bitter taste causes my stomach to revolt. The nauseous feeling only gets worse when I finally look at him, noting the confusion in those cracked-clay irises.
“O-okay,” he says slowly, brows knitting together. “Can I…ask why?”
Because I’m in love with you…and you’re in love with her.
I don’t say it, though, and not because admitting those words aloud would mean admitting to eavesdropping on him. I don’t care about that. I just want to walk away from this with some shred of dignity left.
And I wanna do it before he can break my heart any more than he already has.
“I, uh… I just talked to Louis on my way home, and he said all the crap from the video is in the rearview now. Managers aren’t concerned anymore, and thanks to how well I’ve been playing, I’m actually projected to go pretty high up in the draft. Higher than normal for a goalie.”
I rub my palms on my pants, feeling my composure starting to slip as his face begins to fall, so I look away and rush to get the rest out.
“I know we said it was smarter to wait until June, after the draft, but I don’t really see the need now. We accomplished what we needed to on my end, and your parents have been pretty chill, right? Not on your ass as much?”
Though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t stop my gaze from lifting to him, watching as he blinks rapidly and stumbles through his thoughts before answering.
“I, uh…yeah. Right. They have been.”
My teeth grind together at the lie, hard enough to crack a molar, but it’s my heart that shatters in my chest from knowing it’s a lie in the first place. And as much as I want to hate him for it, I can’t. It’s my own fault for not seeing the truth.
For believing him when he said I could never just be a night or two to him.
“So we’re in agreement, then?” I rasp, the words jagged and raw as they leave me.
Logan’s silent for a single, assessing beat, before he whispers, “If you don’t think there’s another reason to keep it going, then…yeah.”
The muscle in my jaw tics, and I shake my head. If he can’t think of a reason on his own, then I’m not going to give him one.
Logan clears his throat and rises off the bed, the movement catching my attention from where it had fallen to the floor.
